Day 140 - Pain and Discomfort Letting you Down?

 

I have had stomach problems for a long time now, went to the doctor a month ago and said i might have an infection. After the medication it showed i did not have an infection and the next step is to stick a camera up there to see what is happening. Im really not looking forward to this.

The last six month with my stomach problems has gotten to me - meaning i am allowing myself to become more sad, irritated and angry. This problem I have is not going away. The backchat about it is accumulating and im not stopping it and breathing which is why im getting sad, irritated and angry.

Now i will write it out of me so that I can stop this from happening, stop being overwhelmed by my condition whatever it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, because of the pain and discomfort i feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated, because of how i feel physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad and depressed, because my stomach problems are not going away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become affected and directed by how I feel physically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my anger to lash out and take it out on other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my anger to have backchat about things and think about situations where i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become less effective, because i allowed the pain and discomfort to influence who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push through the feeling of wanting to give up and give into the discomfort and pain - instead of pushing through.

I commit myself to stop being angry, because of the discomfort i feel - and to instead breath and stop the anger

I commit myself to stop being irritated, because of the discomfort I feel - and to instead breath and stop the irritated

I commit myself to stop being sad, because of the discomfort I feel - and to instead breath and stop the sadness

I commit myself to stop being directed by how i feel physically in terms of being emotionally directed - and to instead not be directed by how i feel.

I commit myself to stop the the backchat and not to continue and keep on fueling it.

I commit myself to stay consistent

I commit myself to stop lashing out and taking my anger out on people, instead I stop the anger and backchat and make sure that when I speak to people i am clear within myself

Day 139 - Machine Gun Preacher

If you haven'’t watched this movie then do so.
I watched this the other day and was simply amazed at this guy. Its about a man who lived his life doing bad things. He started going to church and chose to change his ways. He also has a wife and a child in the movie. Its based on a true story of this guy named Sam Childers. 
He got a job owning a constructing business and one if his jobs was in Sudan  Africa.
I don't want to reveal too much of the movie - my words wont be able to describe what that guy did. He dedicated his life - really dedicated it - to take care for children in Sudan from the war. The rebels - what they do is attack villages rape and kill every woman and kill every man. The children they force to join them and train them to become soldiers. Sometimes they force the child to kill his own mother.
What Sam Childers did was did everything he could to save the children - to build them a save haven regardless of the danger to his own life. He really cared for them - like really care. i was amazed how somebody could care so much for children he does not know. He saw children in need and did something about it- no matter what it cost him.
Now why he is called Machine Gun Preacher you'll have to watch the movie. Watch it anyway to get some prospective.
It is  horror seeing what those people are going through - those children and it is happening everyday. And we live our lives with nit a care in the world. if a group of people came to your country - South Africa, America or whatever - and went into suburbs killing everyone before forcing the children to shoot their own mothers and taking the children to make child soldiers  - what do you think will happen? Will we do nothing and let it go on? No, Action will be taken immediately - we rich countries are civilized and order must be kept.
When it happens to our neighbor countries we do basically nothing - we simply cant even give 2 shits. All they do is say the following: ''We condemn the actions of the rebels''.  Which actually means  '' we are forced to say something about it - but refuse to do something about it - we do care though '''.
Things like this make me want the world to end - it would be so much easier. Like when you have an animal and its hurt and suffering and nothing to do to save it you have to put it out of its misery - we should put down the human race - We are nothing but ticks and fleas on a living organism called earth - and in my opinion A earth Doctor should give the earth Frontline - to rid us from this earth. We are really evil beings.
Some say you cannot sum up the humans race based on the actions of a few bad people. YES you can. Look at the world - the way we humans live is disgusting. If you really look you will see that every human is evil unless you do everything in your power to find solutions to make this world free from suffering. Instead we say its impossible. Evil we are indeed.
Its not impossible, just different. Help create a system where no suffering exists - where money will no longer limit those who really care. Where everything will be done to make sure there is no suffering. People need homes, build them. People need food, feed them. People need electricity, give them. People need sustainable renewable energy, research is and implement it. There are no limitations. Vote and participate at www.equalmoney.org. Show you care.
Join in on discussions and participate ate the Forums www.desteni.org.
If you want to start being the directive principle in your life start by doing the free course here: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 138 - The world Did not End, But thankfully there are Many more Apocalypses on the way!!!

 

if you re disappointed that the world did not end on 21 December 2012 along with the deaths of billions then do not worry, there are many more dates to look forward to:

Scientists reckon we have between half a billion years (due to falling levels of carbon dioxide) to a billion years (due to expansion of the sun) left before Earth is uninhabitable, and a mere 22 billion years before the universe explodes as it cannot expand any further.- http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/mayan-apocalypse-did-not-happen-but-more-1500397

So there is that, but if you do not want to wait and would like the world to end in your lifetime here are a few end of the world dates:

An Egyptian biochemist Rashad Khalifa who said that he cracked the Quran code  and that the world will end in 2240

Another man translated Muhammad's sayings and according to him one implied the world will end in 2129.

The closest apocalypse is just around the corner : 2018 predicted by Dr. F. Kenton Beshore. His version of the apocalypse is that it would be "extraordinary, humble, fun-loving, yet serious". so that is cool.

On a more serious note -  The world did not end. Look at history, people have predicted the end of the world so many times and it never happened. Those who believed that the world would end  - are you not tired of waiting for the end of the world? It will never happen.

So lets stop wanting to die and to see billions of people die and trillions and animals, bugs, sea life for our own selfish needs. What about them? Does anybody care what will happen to the animals and nature? We are here to take of them, of the earth. NOT to destroy it, We got it all wrong.

 

So lets instead make a world saving day. What about that? A time when we all stop destroying the earth for personal gain. A world where suffering and abuse ends once and for all. Sounds impossible, undoable - its not. Its real and possible and doable.

Make a difference - join us to create World Saving Day Where we all live in a Equal Money System. Nothing will happen unless you make it so. You have the power - we all do - to change the world.

Things you Might not know about Horses

 

My whole life I have never had any experience with horses. I only ever had dogs and cats. I have been around horses now the past 4 years. In the beginning when I started working with horses It was a whole new experience. They are amazing and cunning beings, very sneaky sometimes.

One thing I never new was that horses lie. Yes - they lie and manipulate sometimes. When I exercised Grootman (horse name) he would fake being tired or have no energy just to not exercise anymore. I never knew they do that.

It has been a awesome learning curve  - horses can teach you allot about yourself. They are very physical observing beings. They can sum you up - see all of you before you even get close. They are far more aware of you that you are about yourself.

A few days ago we had one of our horses die - Titan. Titan and Grootman were best friends - you would always se those two together in the fields. I did not know horses form close bonds with each other. On Friday we buried Titan And that afternoon when the horses came back to the stables Grootman started showing symptoms of severe colic. He was crying out all the time for his friend Titan, because he cannot see him anywhere. Everybody gathered around as support for Grootman

We got the Vet out when we first saw what was happening to him. He was basically stressing about not seeing Titan around anymore which caused him to have big problems with his digestive system.

Long story short - the vet did everything she could, but Grootman did not respond to the medicine. He was in extreme pain when the pain killers wore off. The Vet was here from about 6 at night till twelve. The only options we had was to wait till he sorts it our himself and if he does not we will have to put him down.

She left  us enough pain killer injections to help him through the night if needed. Rozelle and I stayed up with him at the stables all night and everybody on the farm helped in keeping an eye on him for when he starts feeling pain again. Which was the next morning where he relapsed again. We gave him painkillers again. From that moment on we pulled through and made it. He is fine now again. All of this was triggered, because he missed his friend Titan. Proof that horses also feel for those who did not know.

He went through allot that night and day - he had to make some hard choices in order to pull through.

to be continued.

Friday the 13th, Black Friday and Doomsday Friday

 

The world is ending on Friday, what a coincidence - that some people always believed that Friday the 13th is bad luck and we have black Friday AND the 21\12/12 the world is ending. This must then be proof that the world will end. sorry to disappoint you guys - it will not end.

What happens when end of the world dates are here and nothing happens? They postpone it. They always say that they are 110% sure that the world will end on a particular date and then nothing happens. then they say it will happen later. Mark my words - they will keep on postponing  the date long after you are dead. There will always be a date when the world is going to end. But it never will.

The world has existed for billions of years and will continue still. We humans will most likely  die off along with all the animal kingdom, because of the way we humans are destroying the planet everyday. We are like a bad case of the fleas or a tick infestation to the planet. But long after we humans are dead and gone the earth will go on. Long after our bodies feed the earth and our race along with our sins and crime against life are forgotten - new life will most likely continue.

We live in a unimaginably vast universe with a number of planets and stars uncountable. Earth is a spec of dust - even invisible with the vast universe. We are very. Just to put things into perspective.

The world wont end with a big bang or have a quick end. We humans have been ending the world all by ourselves. Tree by tree, species by species we have started. we have contaminated its waters beyond repair - we are sucking out its blood/oil dry - we are eliminating our earthlings, other species, for our own personal gain. We have annihilated entire forests along with all life within. We have consumed and poisoned the oceans and all that live in it. And we keep on doing these things - faster and faster and more effectively. We are ending our earth, our only home.

So lets instead make a world saving day. What about that? A time when we all stop destroying the earth for personal gain. A world where suffering and abuse ends once and for all. Sounds impossible, undoable - its not. Its real and possible and doable.

Make a difference - join us to create World Saving Day Where we all live in a Equal Money System. Nothing will happen unless you make it so. You have the power - we all do - to change the world.

My Galactic Family Here at Last - Hear the message!!!!

 

Yes it is true - we made it - finally they have come and soon take us with them within 5 days!!

Long have the galactic federation told us the message of love and light - the final solution and only solution to a life free from suffering. Long have we practiced this and spread the word and told everybody that with love and light and positive thinking we can change the world and finally end all abuse and suffering and sadness.

You all can see that its working - spreading love and light - sure we only shine the light on the good things which is not plenty and keep the truth of those who suffer everyday in darkness so that all we see in a world improving. And yes over the past decades of spreading the message of love and light and bliss and happiness and joy the world has gotten worse ten fold, but that is ok  - those who suffer everyday do not matter. At all. They simply do not vibrate correctly.

Yes my people of love and light - those 27 children and adults who were gunned down the other day simply did not have the right vibration - all is well and as it should be. Nameste!

Those hundreds of children who were bombed and killed by Americans - it is all well and a it should be. To think about this - to look at this is negative thinking so don't, only look at the positive, ignore things like this.

Then some of you ''common sense'' people may asks me : ''but if you ignore bad things in this world it is just like ignoring an infection, it gets worse if you ignore it. Just like the world is getting worse - people are ignoring it!''. I say to you - the world does'n’t matter, because we are going to be taken to the 5th dimension and leave this world behind!! Screw the world.

So all you have to do to vibrate correctly and be part of those who are leaving with the galactic Federation is to:

• Ignore the world, only think it to be a nice and happy place filled with love
• believe that suffering doesn't’ exist
• The world does'nt matter , we are leaving it anyway
• You may not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES think about the real world were poverty,war slavery and unimaginable suffering exist - it is negative thinking.
• It is not your responsibility to find solutions to the world
• Have no common sense whatsoever
• And if gun men kill school children it is well and as it should be.

Back to reality: The world is not ending and there is no galactic federation. No one will come and magically save us. If we do not find it within us to get our asses in gear and start taking responsibility for the world then we might just end the world ourselves.

Join us at Desteni were normal people are finding practical solutions for the world. Also look at this FREE course as a way to find yourself.

Why the World did not End Yesterday:

 

If you are reading this on the 22/12/12 then he world did not end yesterday. You might be disappointed or happy or simply curious. Here I will write the reasons WHY the world did not end.

The Mayans brought this on - they were very interested with TIME and thus created a sophisticated calendar. The way it worked is almost like a car odometer.  Lest say the odometer reads 999998 - the numbers rotate so after another 2km it will go 999999 then 000000. It restarts . The Mayan calendar will be on 000000 on 21/12/12. Does this sound familiar? it was the same thing back in the year 2000 where people said the world will end when the dates goes from 99 to 00. Its did not.

One of the theories of what will happen on 21/12/12 is a rogue planet hitting earth - according to scientists  if there was a planet on its way to earth it would be the one of the  brightest object in the sky - and everybody would be able to see it. So all you have to do is go look out outside.

Another apocalypse theory is the sun flaring and destroying us all. The sun has been flaring for billions of years and not one have destroyed the earth. According to NASA scientists.

Many times over in history  people have said the world will end and it did not. NOTHING will happen.

If you are tired of waiting for the world to to end, because the you know the world is a bad and ugly place and to see it end would just be great. Why not rather spend all that energy on making this a place worth living in? Join us in doing that by going HERE and introduce yourself - if you want to see a better world. You will receive great support.

Also a free educational course yo better know yourself ad who you are :http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Why we want the world to end: We poison our food to make more money...

 

Genetically modified food are injected with genes extracted from bacteria which acts as a insecticide to make them resistant to pest attacks.

This becomes part of the plant so it is impossible to wash it off.

A new study done by Scientists from the University of Sherbrooke, Canada, have detected the insecticidal protein, Cry1Ab, circulating in the blood of people. The Toxin was also detected in pregnant woman and in fetal blood, indicating that it could pass on to the next generation.

Earlier studies have found the toxin in livestock that were fed GM corn.

Corporations have spend billions to create GM food, and made claims that it is safe to consume. The problem here is that GM crops are new – and because the consequences of GM on humans will only be reveals in time, they can claim that it is safe. And of course they make money out of it when people eat it.

GM brinjal was going to be released for commercial production(also containing the Cry1Ab toxin) in 2009. An Expert committee (EC-I) concluded that adequate safety tests had been performed, stating that "the benefits of Bt brinjal event EE-I developed by M/s Mahyco far outweigh the perceived and projected risks", and advised the Genetic Engineering Appraisal Committee (GEAC) to recommend commercialization of the Bt brinjal.^[3]

After long protest it has been put on hold. A study has found after feeding rats GM bt brinjal for 90 days they experienced  " organ and system damage and had ovaries at half their normal weight, enlarged spleens with white blood cell counts at 35 to 40 per cent higher than normal with elevated eosinophils, indicating immune function changes

When the company ‘Mahyco  presented the results to the Genetic Engineering Approval Committee (GEAC) they either suppressed these facts or misrepresented them. Based on this data, the GEAC approved the commercial release of Bt brinjal

We have a BIG problem. What did we expect will happen when we eat food injected with chemicals? These have long term effects on the human body ad is not sufficiently researched and tested, because those who produce these crops wants to make MONEY. 

In this quest for money we use all kinds of chemicals in order to produce ‘’superior’’ crops that will as a result make more sales. Regardless of the consequences. Life has no say in this. Its all about the Money.

We cannot stop this poisoning of the human and animals that eat GM in a world based on money. Because that will always come first, the need to acquire more money.

We have to consider an alternative world monetary system – The Equal Money Equal Life System. This system would eliminate the need to produce food fast that look pretty so that more would buy it so that others can become rich while half the world dies. There will be no need to poison humans.

There is already enough food being produces to feed the whole planet. The years and resources spent in creating CM crops can then be redirected into providing solutions to permanently end world hunger – which will only take 3 years.

Time to find solutions that supports Life.

Why Wait for Ascension before we better ourselves? Why not change now?

I

 

isn't It frustrating that you have to wait? Do you ever Wonder if what you are doing is good enough? Will you be granted ascension rights after all you hard work?

How about the waiting for the SHIFT – Will you be granted the power of understanding and achieve a higher consciousness? What if the cosmos grants you unworthy?

I propose a solution – and alternative where you are the one who determines your future. Where you no longer have to wait and wonder what if you miss it – the shift – or what if you left behind. For the first time you direct your life. I will share with you the power to place your life in your own hands.

Where you Become the Master of your Own Desteni.

You can join me with many others who are learning to become the masters of their life here  - the Desteni I Process And the Free Version - http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

With the tools of the Desteni I process you will learn how you became who you are and then how to change who you are to become more effective and to develop an awareness of life that has not been considered possible. Where you can become immune to mass media manipulation and not be directed by anyone but yourself.

Imagine that – YOUR life in YOUR hands. You can start the SHIFT into common sense awareness that is not only practical but also doable along with many others doing the Desteni I process.

So don't wait until its too late. Stop worrying and start learning with us. We are also designing a new world system where no being has to suffer needlessly – the Equal Money System – so that you wont even need to ascend anymore, because as one group together we will make this world a place where nobody would want to leave. True heaven on earth.

Go to Desteni.org and join us in the forum discussions

2012 - The Real Story of the Mayan Calendar. Your world end is Near...

 

 

So Here we are at last – 2012. Will the world end or not? What exactly should we look out for or expect will happen?

In the spirit of 2012 I gathered 5 Events of what is going to happen on doomsday in a 5 part blog series. In this one is an explanation of why people feel the need to have the world end.

The Mayan Calendar sparked it all. It only tracks the time for 26 000 years and ends December 21 2012 and this apparently means the end of the world. It doesn't.

Firstly - calendars keep track of time passing. It doesn't predict the future. Just like all calendars – including the Mayan Calendar  - they end somewhere. Our calendars end December 31 and start again 1 January. The Mayan Calendar also ends and actually starts a new cycle.

The Mayans never made any doomsday prophecies. So this whole Event was based on the end of a calendar.  Imagine that.

The world is not ending this year – always ask yourself how do these people know what is going to happen in 2012? Then ask yourself why do people make up Doomsday Prophecies and why do so many people believe it?

Our world is so messed up that people want it to end. And in the end that's all it is – an escape from this reality. A quick fix for all our problems. Something greater putting an end to the suffering. Not so hard to image why people believe in Doomsday.

Nothing is going to save us from ourselves. If we want a better world free from suffering and pain we are going to have to create it ourselves. We have to put an end to survival and the world economic system. We have to put an end to this world  WE created  OURSELVES that caused that is the cause of all the suffering. WE have to make this world so that nobody would want to leave it – a world worth living in. And in a Equal Money System we can.

We created the world  as it functions today in our image and likeness. That means that we have to change ourselves first before we can change the world. There is no quick fix here.

Be part the group that is for making this world a world worth living in, a group that realizes that we have to change our way of being to change the world. A group that will not stop until its done. Join the Destonians

The free online course is also a way to help yourself to become an effective human being  -  http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Be Prepared for Doomsday! The End Times Here in 12 Days...

 

2012is the favorite date for End of World Times. And the earth it seems will go through some tough times.

Here I will go through some prophesied  ‘’world destruction’’ scenarios that people have said will happen this year.

One of them is the pole shift AND the magnetic pole reversal. The pole shift is where earth actually shifts and the north pole wont be on top of the earth anymore. It is said that this shift will happen suddenly and cause major destruction. Although shifting has happened before it occurs over a long period of time – so long that nobody would notice.

The Magnetic pole reversal refers to south pointing north and north pointing south which would have dire consequences to life on earth. And both these events are going to occur at the same time. The thing about pole shifts is that its totally unpredictable.

But then again it might happen – earth may just decide it had enough of humans, give a good shake and there's the end of humanity. The end of the day if it does happen there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Maybe just before the end take a good look at your life and the  life of others and ask yourself how you could have made a difference to end the bullshit that is life as we have created it with all its abuse. The maybe its not so bad that it all ends.

BUT – In the more likely event that NOTHING happens and you are sick and tired of people who prophesied the end and when nothing happened they say ‘’we got the date wrong’’ and then postpone it endlessly – why not instead create a world where you would like to live in? Its very easy to live in fear and to use that fear not to stand up and change all that which is unacceptable on earth and then instill that fear on others to justify your own actions. 

The world is not going to just end. It will slowly and painfully end as we consume all the resources in the name of greed.  They are already starting to run out. Why is oil prices rising drastically…

So if you wake up December 22 2013 and life is still as it is now and you want it to change then Join us at Desteni for a life that is continuous and free for all that reside on earth. We will be the ones making this world worth living in with the Equal Money System.

Do this free online course to be part of the solution: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

The Most Dangerous Drug in the World!!! And its legal!!!

 

 

A story in a newspaper reported of a newlywed couple who got married the one day and died the next due to a driver believed to be drunk crashed into them in a car accident. Who many stories like this have we heard? How many people have died because of alcohol? 2.5million deaths a year.

2.5 Million Alcohol-R elated Deaths Worldwide- Annually whereas Illegal Drugs Cause 250,000 Global Deaths Yearly.

In 2005, excessive alcohol caused 4 million emergency room visits and 1.6 million hospitalizations. About 2,000 people under the legal drinking age (21) die annually in car crashes due to alcohol and it is involved in nearly 50 percent of all teen deaths involving violence.

So why are illegal drugs illegal When the deaths they caused are so much less than alcohol related deaths?

Some Scary facts:

• · Nearly half of all fatal car crashes are alcohol-related.
• · One third of homicides are associated with alcohol misuse.
• · One half of car accidents are associated with alcohol misuse.
• · Alcohol is the #1 misused drug in the U.S.
• · Alcohol is the number one date rape drug.
• · More than half of current drinkers have a family history of alcoholism.
• · A blackout is an amnesia-like period that is often associated with drinking. A person may be functioning normally, but later, the person has no memory of occurrences.
• · Alcohol-related accidents are the #1 killer of teens.
• · During a blackout, an individual can participate in a significant, emotionally charged event but have no recollection of what occurred.

With all this evidence that clearly shoes that alcohol is the most dangerous drug in the world. Why is it not banned? Why is the a "War on Drugs"? Why is alcohol so widely advertised when the companies know how dangerous it is? Could it be that alcohol is a massive profit industry and to stop it from harming people would mean a massive loss of money. yes.

If the whole point of making drugs illegal is to ensure the safety of the people then obviously alcohol should be banned. But if they ban it people wont be able to ''drink their trouble away'' - People wont be able to satisfied with their jobs and way of life. Then people will be forced to face the world - and its not a happy world. Maybe then people will strive and stand up for a better world.

Day 129 - Only 2 weeks left to learn Ascension!!!

 

 

 

The end of the world is almost here - With only a little more that 2 weeks left! So we need to get our vibration effective so that we can escape this horrible world to a new better place - the grass is always greener on the other side! 

What if you had a new born child? Will you be able to to teach the baby to ascend? What if you ascend before your children? Will you be able to come back? Would you really want to go if your loved ones cant come with you?

Its is understandable to want to leave this world behind  and go to another place that is free from suffering.  And for some the only way to deal with that is to block out and ignore the bad shit that is happening every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Ignoring something doesn't make it cease to exist.

To want to ascend it to leave all the bad stuff behind, to run away from responsibility. We Created this world! We cannot blame negative. Positive thoughts cannot exist without negative thoughts. We have to look at the origin of these thoughts – We create them. Its part of who we are. And its ‘’who we are’’ that's the real issue here. Even if you were to ascend that ‘’who you are’’ is going with you and will eventually make the other as messed up this one.

So we have to change who we are. We created this world in our image and likeness – what does that say about us? We are truly evil.

So we here at Desteni are going to be ones who stay behind. We are going to make this world the life everyone should have. To actually give a dam about nature and earth and thy neighbor.  To make this world free from abuse.

We do this by changing who we are. To annihilate the inherit evil and become beings who always live that which is best for all and in this make all abuse impossible to be part of reality ever again.

We understand one fundamental point – nothing will change unless the human change.

So join us to bring the change by becoming the change – www.desteni.org - Also a free self improvement lifestyle http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 128 - A new ERA Already Here - Neo-apartheid

 

Welcome to the New Era of Neo-apartheid. Im not talking about the olden days where apartheid was a racial issue. Back then you had the black people and the white people. You had doors with sings marked ''white or ''black''. Be it toilets or restaurants you had massive inequality.

Your life was decided depending on the color of your skin. It determined where you can go and not go and how people treated you. It also determined your quality of life - your education , where you live and you whole future.

Today we have Neo-apartheid. Not separation based on skin color, but separation depending on MONEY!

You have the rich and the poor . You have places for rich people and places for poor people. Be it toilets or restaurants you have massive inequality.

Your life is decided depending on MONEY. It determines where you can go and not go and how people treat you. It also determines your quality of life - your education , where you live and you whole future. Money now separates. Poor people are usually scorned mostly ignored by the rest, because they don’'t have money.

Here are some facts about South-Africa's poor:

The analysis indicates that 47.1% of South Africa’s population consumed less than the "lower-bound" poverty line proposed by Statistics South Africa in 2007 – which means 47.1% of the population did not have R322 (in 2000 prices) for essential food and non-food items.

Imagine that - Half the population in poverty. The government knows this and although it is a governments responsibility to make life better for the people this is also ignored. Billions have already been spent on personal gain. The governments don't care - corruption and deceit runs rampant while people starve - to death.

IF we were living in a world with The Equal Money system - statistics will then show the number of people in poverty as 0.00%. Not a single person will starve -There is already enough food to feed 13 billion people - we are only 7 billion. The problem is that people don't have money to buy the food - they throw the food away!!!. In the Equal Money system food will not be wasted.

Lets end this separation, this Neo-apartheid - Vote for The The Equal Money system - go to the web site and place your vote on the principle for a new world.

Day 127 - Divine Awareness

 

There is nothing divine about being aware. Its an commitment - a life long commitment to be aware of yourself and the environment. The real physical world - the only world that exist an matters - not some delusional happy light and love place in the clouds that you spend your whole trying to get to and then ignore the real world. Anyway - back to my blog

Today I am righting about a point I wrote about in my last blog over here: CLICK  ME. It was basically about an event that took place as a consequence of me not being aware. So here goes the method to make sure this doesn't’ happen again:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be aware of myself and environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be aware and give somebody else the responsibility for a while

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ''take a break'' for a while and abdicate my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have been responsible for long enough and that means I don't have to be all the time anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others when the truck got stuck and to believe that it was not my responsibility when it was

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when the truck got stuck to go into anxiety, because i fear that the truck might be damaged or damaged the spillway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when it happened to wish that I could go back in time and stop this from happening, instead if looking back and see how i can stop this from happening in the future.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push through the resistance and stop the thought ''I don't have to be responsible anymore'' and realize that if i stopped that single thought the whole truck in mud event would not have happened.

I commit myself to to push myself to be aware of myself and the environment at all times no matter what

I commit myself to stop the believe that i can take a break from being aware of myself and the environment - instead I realize that if i do take a break things might slip by me

I commit myself to be responsible and self responsible for as as i breath in air of this world we as humanity are busy destroying and realize that if i do not take self responsibility - the world does not have a chance

I commit myself to stop wanting to blame others - instead I take self responsibly

I Commit myself to stop wishing I could go back and change things - instead I find ways to make sure i do not make the same mistake again

I commit

I commit myself to stop these thoughts so that it does not direct me , but so that i can be the directive principle in my life.

I commit myself to not allow a feeling or a thought to affect my effectiveness, instead i commit myself to be consistently effective.

Day 126 - The Consequence Of Unawareness

 

We hear the expression ''Shit hits the fan'' and ''shit load'' and ''full of shit''. Today we had both - We had a shit load when a shit truck got stuck in the mud. I should have taken pictures, but i did not, sorry.

Today was a very eventful day were we faced new challenges and stared shit right in the face. every year we get a honey sucker - a truck that sucks out the shit in our septic tanks. Today the truck drove over an flow away which is a trench in the ground where the septic tanks overflows into and the front left wheel sunk almost completely into the ground.

Now we had a really big problem - the truck was already full of shit and now weighed over 5 tons. Eventually after 5 hours and jacking up the truck and placing brick under the wheels and getting the tractor to pull the truck we got it out. Yeay.

Now usually when the shit truck comes i make sure it does not drive over any of the flow away's so that it does not get stuck, but today i did not do that. This forms part of my loosing focus blog where I have become less aware in my world and today it clearly showed itself in full force. That lead to a consequence - an event that could have been avoided.

Another point I realized is that doing something for a while eventually there is a belief that I do not have to be so focused all the time - like getting used to something you do not pay that much attention anymore. Its total bullshit obviously.

I got my ''5 hour lesson'' today where the event showed me something about myself that requires direction. So i directed it.

Thanks for reading - ,more on this tomorrow.

Day 125 - Giving up On Myself? Why do that?

 

I listened to This interview: Giving Up on Myself - Life Review. What i found fascinating is how it explains Why we give up on ourselves.

Why is it that when we have are looking forward to do something like for example learn to play an instrument, build something yourself or doing something you always wanted to do and then end up not doing it and give up on doing it? Why do get that deep sinking feeling that makes us want to give up - what is that voice in our heads that say ''I cannot do it''. And within this we never give it our best shot - never giving it our all. I look back at my life and wonder how different my life would have been if I made the decision to give it my all within what I was doing and how i could have developed myself and various skills. IF i had given it my all during school I know i would have done better. If i had given it my all when i did classical piano I would now have been a professional pianist. the same with other instruments.

Its not just that - In school i was always shy and hiding always afraid. If I had stopped that and given myself the opportunity to break and walk through my fears and given it my all i would have enjoyed it better.

After listening to this interview I gave me clarity. I could see that i wasted my life half-assing everything. And it gave me insight, assistance and support to move myself to become effective.

So listen and enjoy : Download

Day 124 - A Feeling of Being Stuck?

 

I had a look at my overall experience of myself and what came up was the word stuck. I feel stuck. I do not know how get myself unstuck, but that is not true.

Being stuck and not knowing what to do is an obvious consequence of not creating a path for myself so that I know what to do. I have to create for myself  what to do and then do it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a feeling of being stuck

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself   to create this feeing of being stuck and to believe it to be real

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to listen to this feeling and to become it where I believe that i do not know what to do about it

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to have the thought '' I do not know what to do'' and to listen to this thought and believe it to be real and have power over me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to be directed by this thought

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed  myself to stop this thought when it first came up and direct it and delete it from my existence so that I wont be directed by it - and in allowing this thought to continue I became it as a total experience of constricting and limiting myself and not move of as i allowed myself to become ineffective 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to allow this thought within myself and the resulting feeling of being stuck and then me allowing this feeling to make me ineffective within blogging effectively, writing music, breathing, my awareness and my body.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed  myself to realize that if I had stop that thought when it first came up and saw it for what was  - bullshit - none of the above would have manifested in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed  myself to realize the importance of stopping these  thoughts and to realize the outflow and consequence of not stopping these thoughts

I commit myself to stop the feeling and belief that i am stuck - instead i realize that it is a justification i use not to move on, because I fear moving on.

I commit myself to stop the fear of moving on and realize that there is no point to fear change, instead i embrace change, because with every change there is something new where i can test  develop my effeteness.

I commit myself to stop the thought of ' I do not know what to do'

I commit myself to create my path so that i Do know what to do - writing and supporting myself and others, music, supporting the Equal Life Foundation, Equal Money system, being aware and grateful and respectful of all the beings in my world who make it possible for me to be alive.

I commit myself to stop these thoughts so that it does not direct me , but so that i can be the directive principle in my life.

I commit myself to not allow a feeling or a thought to affect my effectiveness, instead i commit myself to be consistently effective.

Thank you for reading my blog and being part of my journey to life - if you want to start a journey to life and stop being controlled you are gonna need the right tools. The following course is free and it has the tools and methods i use everyday in my life:

Go here: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 123 - Stomach problems continue

 

An update on my body:

I have now gone almost 2 weeks without gluten. Thus far there has been no improvement and I started loosing weight and getting very tired. So instead of struggling to find the reason and diagnoses I going to a doctor. I have attempted to sort this out myself for months now without success so it time to seek professional advise.

P.S. Regarding my back - I was fine not rolling over in my sleep until last night and woke up this morning with a nice fresh neck and back pain. Lets see how this develops. A problem is that my back is out and hurting so I'm going to get it set again

Within all this to me it seems that I failed in fixing my stomach problems myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if i have failed in fixing myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because my problem is not going away I am doing something wrong

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it might be something worse and thus anticipate the worse

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create fear and anxiety in wondering ht could be happening to me

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i wont know for sure what is causing the problems with my body until I see a doctor

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself to having this problem where it affects my daily life and keeping me from fully participate

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not want to go to a doctor, because of me being stubborn in not wanting to admit that there is something happing to me that requires attention

I commit myself to stop wanting to do EVERYTHING myself - instead i realize that there are things that i cannot possibly do myself and that i do need assistance

I commit myself to stop the belief that i am doing something wrong if something takes longer than i expected it to  - instead i breath and be patient

I commit myself to  stop always anticipating the worse and create fear and anxiety - instead i see it is what it is and fearing it won change a thing so i stop

I commit myself to stop being angry at myself for not being able to participate effectively in my daily routine and to realize that if my body cannot handle it i will only harm myself more by not listening

I commit myself to when necessary to not wait in stubbornness but to seek out medical attention when needed.

Thanks

Day 122 - How to assist yourself to stop sleeping on your stomach

 

My previous blog was me writing abut my lower back problems that are related to me sleeping on my stomach for years. This is how i am going to approach it for assist myself:

Here is an extract:

I am very uncomfortable everyday with my stomach problems and even more so going gluten-free. So what happens ''sub consciously'' when i am asleep  is that i want to be comfortable and thus roll over and sleep on my stomach. yes - even asleep you are still the one who decides what happens - i make the choice to sleep on my stomach.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into the discomfort i am experiencing and allow it to influence me and who i am 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be like a short fuse ready to explode and to take out my anger on those close to me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself and walk around moody as if the world has ended, because of how i feel

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to allow the discomfort i am feeling to make me long for being comfortable

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in my quest to be comfortable to roll over on my stomach in my sleep

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only fall asleep on my stomach and that sleeping any other way I would not be able to have a good nights sleep

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have created the preference for sleeping on my stomach and just because I have been doing it all my life does not mean I cant sleep any way else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not responsible for what happens when I am asleep

I commit myself to allowing my discomfort to affect who I am , instead I breathe through the discomfort so that I am the directive principle and not directed by it

I commit myself to stop feeling sorry for myself - instead I go on standing strong

I commit myself to stop being like a short fuse and snap at people, instead I realize it is back chat and build up suppressions of me feeling sorry for myself which I stop as son as it comes up

I commit myself to stop allowing my discomfort to influence me to want to be comfortable as an desire that forces me to sleep on my stomach - instead I realize that  just because my stomach and back is causing discomfort in those areas - does not mean I as a whole need to be uncomfortable

I commit myself to stop the belief that I can only sleep on my stomach - instead  I realize that i am able to sleep on my back or side perfectly ok.

I commit myself to take self responsibility for when i am asleep to NOT roll over on my stomach , instead I stay on my back or side and push through the resistance I experience within my belief that i can only sleep on my stomach.

Day 121 - Sleeping on your Stomach? Help with Back Problems

 

My back hurts - allot

I have always been sleeping on my stomach - its my comfortable sleeping position since i can remember. Its nice and cozy sleeping on my stomach and any other position is uncomfortable and it takes longer to fall asleep.

It has been fine sleeping on my stomach until recently...

I’ve been having lower back problems and needed to go to a chi ropractor often. at first i believed it was because of the farm activities i have been doing - like hauling sand bags for weeks or carrying 25 liter water bottles and not using my back correctly. But low and behold it was not that.

i noticed it was when i woke in the mornings with neck pain and back pain. I did some research and found out that sleeping on your back for a long time causes lower back pain eventually. Yeay for me...

Basically what happens is when you sleep on your stomach your neck is turned while you back is straight which causes tension on your lower back where it is constantly under strain. Now when i sleep on my stomach for one night my back is out. This is problematic for me, because living on the farm and participating in activities i require my back to NOT be out and in pain so it limits me.

The solution to this is to simply not sleep on my stomach anymore, but as it turns out it is not as simple as that for me. I force myself now to sleep on my side or back, but during the night while im asleep I roll over onto my stomach, lol.

The first time what i did is strap something to my chest so that when i do roll over in my sleep it will hurt me and ill wake up and not sleep on my stomach. This worked for about 2 days until i woke up the 3rd day with a sore chest bone and a mark form sleeping on my stomach regardless. After that i ''willed'' myself to not sleep on my stomach and that worked well for a while - i would still some days wake up on my stomach, but mostly it worked. Until recently this has not worked anymore.

And it is linked to my previous blog of loosing focus. I am very uncomfortable everyday with my stomach problems and even more so going gluten-free. So what happens ''sub consciously'' when i am asleep  is that i want to be comfortable and thus roll over and sleep on my stomach. yes - even asleep you are still the one who decides what happens - i make the choice to sleep n my stomach.

Tomorrow i will reveal the steps to assist myself how not to sleep on my stomach anymore then its goodbye to back pain.

Day 120 - Loosing Focus

 

I am now on day 4 gluten free and have noticed another point. I have been loosing focus. Today I misplaced my cell-phone twice, i am forgetting things, missing things and have become less aware of my environment. Also broke a coffee cup.

Yes we all misplace things and drop things and forget things, but for me this is happening more than should. The past few days my stomach has become worse along with my back so I’ve been in a bit of pain and really tired of having this, I am sick and tired of having to go to the toilet at least 4 times a day. This is why im loosing focus, because I am distracting myself with my problems and fear that I will have to live like this for the rest of my life and i REALLY do not want that. My back problem is hindering my effectiveness, because I cant help out around the farm as much as I would like to.

My back problem is for another day another blog - for now i am writing  about loosing focus so that I can, in spite of my utter discomfort - not allow it to effect who i am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose focus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget things allot more than usual

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misplace objects by not being aware of myself when I put something down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be less aware of my environment and I miss things where I usually do not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my discomfort believe that going gluten free is pointless since there is no change

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there wont always be a change immediately and that it will take time

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be patient and always want to rush things and want things to go fast when in reality they do not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to to distract myself from what I do with the pain and discomfort I feel and to become less effective because of it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe through the discomfort and bring myself here so that i can be effective.

(Please note - if you are in consistent pain and discomfort that affects or impairs you go see a doctor)

I commit myself to focus on what is important and to make sure that I do not loose focus

I commit myself to when I do loose focus and start forgetting things/misplacing things to breathe and slow myself down

I commit myself to let go of my impatience and frustrations when I see no change with my stomach - instead I am patent/patience.

I commit myself to be aware of myself when drinking something so that I do not haste and allow the water to go down the wrong hole where I will cough my lungs out (might seem a bit random,but this just happened so i placed it in here)

I commit myself to not be affected and become less effective when faced with discomfort

I commit myself to be aware of myself and my environment and not to be lost in thought and feelings and emotions where i will miss the world around me and important things might slip through and lead to unwanted consequences

I commit myself to realize that this will take time - and keep the 1 week  gluten free commitment.

Day 119 - Gluten Free frustrations and Addictions

 

Here is my previous blog on Day 1 Gluten Free : Day 1. Here now follows day 2

This is now my second day without gluten - have not notices any changes physically yet, but it is to soon to tell. I did however notice a ridiculous craving to eat allot of food. Its like I just want to eat and eat like an addiction and I end up eating more than I should, because I mistake hunger for crave and then i believe myself to be hungry all the time

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be sad that i wont be able to eat the food i like anymore

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated that it is now more difficult to make myself food and the convenience is gone

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself that i have created this situation for myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for putting myself in this position

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to to eat more food now to fill the gap and make myself happy, because Im sad that i cant eat my favorite foods anymore

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create this deep craving within myself and believe that it is hunger and then eat more food

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the food i eat where if i go without it I go through a withdrawal

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts of '' just one more piece of bread - will do no harm'' that makes my cravings bigger and then I eat more other foods.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when i could still eat what i liked without consequence to take it for granted

I commit myself to to sop the sadness - instead I am grateful that I have food to eat

I commit myself to stop being frustrated - instead i see that being frustrated wont change a thing

I commit myself to stop blaming myself and be angry at myself - instead i breath and realize that being angry and blaming myself gets me nowhere

I commit myself to  stop eating more than i should  - instead I eat enough

I commit myself to stop trying to find loop holes and excuses for me to stop this gluten free things - instead I commit to my commitment

I commit myself to realize that I am not in fact hungry all the time, but that it is the caving and addiction to food

I commit myself to stop the ridiculous craving - instead i breath and do not allow it to affect me.

 

Lets see how tomorrow goes. If you are a first time reader and have no idea what's going on i am getting rid of my limitations to realize my full potential and effectiveness.

Here is a free guide:  http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 118 - I like Food - allot

 

I like eating food. Good tasty food. Some of the food I like eating is the following:

• Fresh bread
• Weet-bix
• pancakes
• flapjacks
• Fresh bread
• cornflakes
• Fresh bread
• Fresh bread
• Fresh bread
• Fresh bread
• Fresh bread

I do like Fresh bread. One of my favorite things to eat is fresh fresh bread just out the oven with butter - mmm. The reason im listing these foods is because Since today I stopped eating wheat foods, more specifically gluten related foods. And most the foods I like have gluten. The reason I stopped eating Gluten is part of an on going test to see what physical reaction is causing my stomach problems - im looking for the physical manifestation of my anxiety that i created.

Since I stopped eating gluten I have become very frustrated, irritated...and I little depressed. What I have noticed is that I have become sad, because food made me happy - tasty food makes me feel good and now it takes longer to make myself food.

It is interesting that now going gluten-free it takes more time to make myself food. I usually for lunch go for what is quick and easy - bread or whatever - because i dont spend too much time making it and eating it. But now I have no choice but to prepare and plan what i eat.

This is why I am frustrated and irritated - it is now more of an effort to eat and i do not like not being able to eat certain foods.

Thank you for reading - an update on this tomorrow to assist myself to not me depressed, irritated and frustrated and angry .

Day 117 - Uncertainty with Estimates

 

Today I was cutting grass for the horses to eat and sleep on, bedding and food. Today was one of the rare hot days without rain that we have had in a while and tomorrow afternoon it might rain again. I wanted to cut so that we just enough to rake everything before the rain comes tomorrow so we will see if my estimates were enough.

When I was done cutting I looked at how much I cut and it looked like enough, but I wanted to be sure so I decided to cut more. After the last session of cutting I looked and told myself that it is indeed enough, but I was not sure. It could be too much or too little, but I really couldn't’ tell. So when I was done I got back to farm and for the rest of the day either I told myself it was more than enough or it was not enough - I am uncertain so this caused anxiety and doubting myself and worrying all the time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when I finished cutting grass to worry that it wont be be enough or that it will be too much

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when I drove back with the tractor to fear that it will be too much for us to rake it all and then it will get rained on and be a total waste.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgement from others if it turns out it wont be enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly think about this point and worry about it today

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that what is done is done so there is noting I can do about it now so there is no point in worrying about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress about this point throughout the day and feel that I might have made a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes and to see myself as not good enough when I make mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself in my uncertainty and thus become anxious - instead if realizing that there is nothing wrong with being uncertain,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being bad with estimates, because I am wrong most of the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather say I am not sure when it come to estimates that are important, because i fear taking responsibility and then being wrong then I will be to blamed

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really push through the resistance and fear and uncertainty when I am estimating something to see if I am in fact bad at estimates or not

I commit myself to stop worrying about if there will be enough hay tomorrow or not  - instead I see that there is nothing I can do about it now thus no point in worrying.

I commit myself to stop fearing the judgement from others if there is too much or too little - I see that it is not their judgement, but my own

I commit myself to stop stress and realize stressing wont change the past or future - instead I breathe and live in the moment

I commit myself to stop fearing making mistakes with estimate and realize that I learn though those mistakes

I commit myself to stop the belief that I am bad with estimates and stop saying I'm not sure without giving it my best first

I commit myself to stop the fear of taking responsibility for getting estimates wrong and not allow it to influence me

I commit myself to to stop becoming anxious and have self doubt when I face uncertainties

I commit myself to stop seeing uncertainty as something bad or wrong - instead I realize that some things are uncertain, but it does not change who i am.

Day 116 - Being a RockStar

 

Sometimes when I listen to songs I image that i am the person who wrote the song and singing the song. I imagine i am playing in front of a huge stadium performing the song i am listening to. Mostly because it makes me feel good - when i was in school i u sed to do this allot - put the song on the hi-fi loudly and rock out in my room. I Liked doing this also, because I could really express what I felt by rocking out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I listen to songs to imagine that I wrote the song and am singing it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to imagine that i am performing this song live on stage rocking out in front of thousands of people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on imagining this, because it makes me feel good

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself playing in front of allot of people and them liking me, because I want people to like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my want to be special and important to imagine myself being a rock star

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am inferior and thus i dream about play ing on stage where i will be better than everybody else

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i do not need to be special or important or better than others, but that it is a believe than i must compete with other people.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of these delusions and rather focus on my music to become more effective within it.

I commit myself to stop imagine that i wrote the songs i listen to when i did not

I commit myself stop imagining that I am playing in front of thousands of people when i listen to songs - i realize it is me wanting to be special that i do this

I commit myself to stop wanting to be special - instead I realize that nobody is special

I commit myself to stop wanting people to like me - I can see how fucked up i am inside which means other people are also fucked up inside and thus there is no point to want other to like me

I commit myself to let go of these delusions and to realize that by imagining  it i become lost in

my feelings and emotions constantly thinking about what ifs and dreams that are impractical.  

Day 115 - Human Defense Mechanism

 

Animals and insects have defensive mechanisms:

Chameleons change color, spiders bite, scorpions stings, ducks claw, cats scratch, dogs bite and stick insects....look like sticks. All for survival. Now today we are looking at what happens when humans are attacked -  not physically, but verbally. If someone talks shit about you you go into a reaction and often feel the need to defend yourself. When you take something personally you react and go into defensive mode where you will become angry and act out the anger either physically or verbally.

Why The need to defend oneself when somebody says something about you? Why do i allow the other person to influence me? It should’ not matter what another says about mw, because i know who I am and who im not. There should be no need to defend myself - otherwise I give power to the person over me.

Here follows the steps to clear myself from this point:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into defensive mode when someone is saying something about me that i take personally

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to within this defensive mode to attack the person verbally

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away by allowing the other person to influence my behavior by reacting to what they say

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to care what people think of me and in this feel the need to defend myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear others judging me and this i feel the need to defend myself so that others don't believe what the other person is saying about me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to after the event further defend myself with backchat of thoughts in my head where I will see myself as the better person and the other person as very inferior to me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to act on the anger and be directed by this anger by going into defense mode

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to simply not take things personally

I commit myself to not go into defensive mode

I commit myself to stop taking things personally

I commit myself to stop attacking people verbally by stopping the anger and not be directed by it.

I commit myself to be self directed and not allow other to influence who i am

I commit myself to stop the fear of judgement from others

I commit myself to stop the belief that i need to defend myself - instead i realize that it doesn’it matter what other say.

I commit myself to stop the backchat of me seeing myself as superior and better than others

When i face  point where someone is talking shit about me, or says and do something that i will take personally - to stop and breath. I realize that it doesnt matter what others say about me. I direct the point by either walking away or find the reason why the person said what they said WITHOUT reacting in anger.