Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Part 3: The great Gifts ( And Downfalls) Of Being an Introvert - Stepping Past Limitations

 

Part 3: The great Gifts ( And Downfalls) Of Being an Introvert - Is Change possible?

images I have been looking over the Internet and at the general idea of how people see Introverts. I have defined myself as an introvert and many points I read I can relate to. So today I want to give some perspective on introverts from personal experience, because what I have found in my life is that people do not fully understand the nature of an introvert and this leads to miscommunication and other problems

In part 2 I went into more detail with the traits: Being and Observer and Disliking small talk. Today I'm going to look at the other 2 common aspects of being an introvert which is:

Like Being Alone and Avoiding Conflict

I like spending time by myself. This does not mean I always want to be alone, simply that I like being alone and I am comfortable with myself. This I also see as a gift, because some people have a hard time being alone and need to always have someone to be comfortable.

The problem here with liking being alone comes when I am in social situations, sometimes it gets too much and then I feel the need to “escape” and be alone again. Also sometimes I will not feel like talking to people and will try and avoid/hide from people whenever possible or keep conversations short. There is a direct link between avoiding people and like being alone – with being alone it is not possible to develop any social skills. So the more you are around people the more you want to be alone again, because you lack the skills to participate.

It’s almost the point with avoiding conflict. In my previous post I wrote I wrote dealing with conflict means dealing with very forward kind if aggressive people which is something introvert really do not like. The reason for this is because of the lack of communication skills. Imagine a person being angry and starts shouting at you demanding things right now – and being an introvert needing time to look for words dealing with a person who simply spits out words – not a match there. So it’s easier to avoid conflict than deal with it.

The problem with that is when something is bothering you about a person, or you see something that might support another you will not speak up and instead keep it to yourself, because you fear dealing with the conflict. How can you effectively support a person if you are afraid to speak up?

To sum it all up – The main point here for me is that I never developed effective communication, because when I was younger I created a resistance towards it and so adapted myself to live with this inability to communicate properly and even created a whole personality from it just so that I do not have to face the resistance. So within all of this I actually created the introvert inside me. I wonder how different my life would have been if I chose to face the point and practiced communication to not be an introvert – but then I would not have developed all the other skills I have now.

I cannot change the past, but I can change my future. I Keep the gifts of being an introvert and start starting working on the downfalls and other points where I have difficulty like practicing communication.

Thanks for reading – and to the introverts reading this: There is nothing wrong with you, but being an introvert has its limitations. You do have the power to stop and move past the

Monday, 20 October 2014

Part 2: The Great Gifts ( and Downfalls) Of being an Introvert - Sinking Relationships

 

This is a continuation of my previous blog, read here for context: 

 The great Gifts ( And Downfalls) Of Being an Introvert - Is Change possible?

 

Today I am look at two points which is being an observer and disliking small talk which are common traits with Introverts. There is nothing wrong with this, and both aspects have great benefits, but also comes with problems especially in relationships:

ambivertObserver and Disliking Small Talk

In the Social Setting:

The cool things about being an observer is it give you a chance to look at people and general human behavior as well as some insights. This makes you a good listener and the ability to give good advice with peoples problems. I take my time to respond; because I look at the words I speak instead of just saying whatever comes to mind. This has the benefit of not having verbal diarrhea.

The problem with this is that you do not actually participate. For me I have found it hard to communicate in a group setting.  It’s fine if I was with friends, but in a group I would mostly watch than actually speak. The reason why I found it difficult was because I never really developed the skill for myself. I remember I had resistance towards speaking in a group setting and that was based on fear of ridicule, or being misunderstood or saying something that might offend someone. And because I never pushed past this resistance and fear I never gave myself the opportunity to expand my skills and instead developed the “ silent type” personality.

When I was younger I mumbled allot and people would generally ask me to repeat myself, because I did not form words carefully. This irritated me so much when I say something and people go “excuse me?”. So what I have done is taught myself to form my words properly to make sure people can actually hear what I am saying.

And so started a process of “correcting” this behavior of myself to teach myself how to communicate effectively in a group setting, because sometimes I do want to say something, but fear that I won’t be able to convey what I want to say effectively or take too long to find the right words and have people stare at me wondering why I suddenly went quite. This has become better for me, where I push through the resistance and fear and do not let it direct me – where I direct myself and say what I wanted to say, but sometimes I still allow the fear so it’s a work in progress.

In relationships:

In a relationship being an observer is a problem, because you want to actually participate in the relationship. If you keep on being an observer that ship will sink soon, because the one thing that makes relationships work is effective communication.

The big thing that has always been difficult for me was to express myself with words, I could never find the right words and every time I try to explain it doesn’t really come out right. This made me reluctant to say exactly how I feel, because I created the belief and idea that I suck at expressing myself imagesand will never be good at it. The only reason I am not good at it is because I did not practice it enough – in the past I tended to give up instead of pushing through and practice to get better at expressing myself. This is also partly why I became a musician – because I could express myself through writing music.

I’m lucky to have a person who pushes me with this point to develop communication skills. You cannot have a lasting relationship without actually participating and expressing and communicating so that is why it is important to develop these skills. Stop the fear and the beliefs you created about yourself and push through the resistance in order to develop effective communication skills. To those who belief that change is not possible – it is possible. I myself have come a long way from that person who mumbled. It is still a work in progress, but I have indeed changed.

Next blog will be about the aspects of Being alone and avoiding conflict and how to support yourself within that.

Saturday, 18 October 2014

Day 245 The great Gifts ( And Downfalls) Of Being an Introvert - Is Change possible?

 imag3es  I have been looking over the internet and at the general idea of how people see Introverts. I have defined myself as an introvert and many points I read I can relate to. So today I want to give some perspective on introverts from personal experience, because what I have found in my life is that people do not fully understand the nature of an introvert and this leads to miscommunication and other problems.

Another point I came across is that the people who wrote these post about being introverts have another thing in common – there is the belief that they will never change and always be introverted. Or specifically that if you are an introvert – you cannot change it. This is false, you can change it you should change it in fact, not by becoming an extrovert, but by understanding that even though introversion has its benefits it also has major drawbacks especially in relationships.

So here is a short list of most common traits in Introverts:

1.Being an Observer –

Introverts do not speak much. In social situations I tend to simply observe and be perfectly content with listening rather that actually speaking. This gave me great insight towards people in general – My eyes trained well over the years so I can pick up on small things in people, like moods for example. Also became a very good listener. Unfortunately the drawback of this is unable to communicate effectively in a group.

2. Don’t see the point in small talk

I always disliked this part – small talk. For example talking about the weather, “ it’s a cold day today” – yes I know that thanks, I can feel it just fine. It is not that I dislike talking; I would have no problem talking about something I enjoy, but never saw the point in small talk and mostly think it’s a waste of time. When I do talk I use only the words necessary to convey what I would like to say.

I also tend to not respond immediately, I choose my words carefully before I speak which might seems strange to some people when they ask me something and there is a silence.

This also falls in with being an observer and the drawback here is not developing effective communication. I now find it very hard to express exactly how I feel with words and sometimes I cannot find the words right away and need to really look deep. Writing is fine, because it gives me time to look.

index3.Enjoy being alone

I always liked being alone and spending time with myself. It does not mean I always want to be alone, simply that I enjoy spending time with myself. I am comfortable with being by myself which is a cool thing. The only problem here is that when I am in social situations for too long I want to get away and be by myself again.

 

4.Dislike conflict

Yes. Most people have an issue with conflict and would like to avoid it, introverts more so, Because dealing with conflict means dealing with very forward kind if aggressive people which is something introvert really do not like. The reason for this is because of the lack of communication skills. Imagine a person being angry and starts shouting at you demanding things right now – and being an introvert needing time to look for words dealing with a person who simply spits out words – not a match there.

So what I will do on my next post is go onto more detail and show why it’s beneficial being an introvert and a curse and how to change the cursed parts and keep all that is good to become a more effective human being.

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Day 244: Shocking Discovery: The engagement ring is a SCAM created by clever advertising

 

Where did the ring come from?

https://www.ted.com/talks/rory_sutherland_life_lessons_from_an_ad_man/transcript?language=en#t-440000

engagementring_ad “But, actually, the point of placebo education is interesting. How many problems of life can be solved actually by tinkering with perception, rather than that tedious, hardworking and messy business of actually trying to change reality? Here's a great example from history. I've heard this attributed to several other kings, but doing a bit of historical research, it seems to be Fredrick the Great. Fredrick the Great of Prussia was very, very keen for the Germans to adopt the potato and to eat it, because he realized that if you had two sources of carbohydrate, wheat and potatoes, you get less price volatility in bread. And you get a far lower risk of famine, because you actually had two crops to fall back on, not one.
The only problem is: potatoes, if you think about it, look pretty disgusting. And also, 18th century Prussians ate very, very few vegetables -- rather like contemporary Scottish people. (Laughter) So, actually, he tried making it compulsory. The Prussian peasantry said, "We can't even get the dogs to eat these damn things. They are absolutely disgusting and they're good for nothing." There are even records of people being executed for refusing to grow potatoes. 
So he tried plan B. He tried the marketing solution, which is he declared the potato as a royal vegetable, and none but the royal family could consume it. And he planted it in a royal potato patch, with guards who had instructions to guard over it, night and day, but with secret instructions not to guard it very well. (Laughter) Now, 18th century peasants know that there is one pretty safe rule in life, which is if something is worth guarding, it's worth stealing. Before long, there was a massive underground potato-growing operation in Germany. What he'd effectively done is he'd re-branded the potato. It was an absolute masterpiece. - Rory Sutherland

That is one example of how easy it is to manipulate us humans. Throughout history people looked for ways to make people like something so that they can get something out of it. I remembered when I was a Kid and watched TV with all the commercials. There were many toy advertisements in there and allot of them were so cool to me. I watched the advert and then afterwards I wanted that toy and liked it. That liking it was not my choice really, it was the clever use of sounds and colors that made the product look awesome. When I had the toy in my hand more often than not it was a disappointment as most things are.

This brings to question all the things I liked that I saw on TV and did not like and most of it was based on clever advertising – just to make me buy the things. Another very god example is the Engagement ring scam. Ever heard of it? Why do you buy a diamond ring to get married? Where did this expensive tradition come from? Advertising.

Before the ring “tradition” ,people did not actually buy rings to get engaged. It was created by the same people who mined the diamonds. They were looking for a way to make more money by creating a demand for it. What followed was an extensive and elaborate, very effective marketing and advertising campaign to convince people that they need to buy a diamond ring to get engaged. The company spent Millions and millions to get this idea in our heads. Just how effective was this? We still believe in it today and made it part of our society as an absolute necessity to get married. It is already so ingrained that even knowing this info – you will still buy a ring to get married. The company made a fortune out of this of course. Edward Jay Epstein notes in his famous investigative article:

2816864e0fb51f8af987a67ce7841d4e421c5ad9 "In its 1947 strategy plan, the advertising agency strongly emphasized a psychological approach. "We are dealing with a problem in mass psychology. We seek to ... strengthen the tradition of the diamond engagement ring -- to make it a psychological necessity capable of competing successfully at the retail level with utility goods and services...." It defined as its target audience "some 70 million people 15 years and over whose opinion we hope to influence in support of our objectives." N. W. Ayer outlined a subtle program that included arranging for lecturers to visit high schools across the country. "All of these lectures revolve around the diamond engagement ring, and are reaching thousands of girls in their assemblies, classes and informal meetings in our leading educational institutions," the agency explained in a memorandum to De Beers."

So, the things we buy, do we know why we buy them? Is it all just based on impulses and a play on our emotions and feelings? Is everything we do basically based on how we feel? Yes, that is why it is so easy to get us to like stuff, because we ourselves are unable to make objective choices. How do we stop this manipulation and make choices objectively? Who can we start becoming the directive principle in our lives where we ourselves make the choices? Until we find a way to direct our feelings and emotions we will always be subjected to clever advertising.

Saturday, 11 October 2014

Day 243 - How to Stop fear controlling your life:

 

fear Ok. I have an irrational fear of large moths. The funny thing about irrational fears is that you know full well it is irrational, but you still have the fear. While most people have fears about snakes and spiders and various other creepy crawlers, I have a fear of large moths.

Today I had to face that fear head on when a moth came into the room and sat by the bedroom light. It was not a very safe place for this moth, because the room is full cats and if the cats caught the moth it would have died a painful death. So the moth had to come out.

I was the only one available to get this poor moth out to safety and the only thing keeping me from picking up this moth is my fear. So I managed to get myself close enough to grab the moth, but every time I thought about grabbing the moth my fear grew. Every conceivable thought and excuse ran through my head, so that I can find a justification for not having to pick up this moth. This hesitation went on for a while and before I knew it I was completely terrified of this moth where just before I go for it ( to grab it) a shock of fear would stop me every time. I was frozen with fear. I truly believed that I could not do it. the thoughts and fear made me think i lacked the ability to move through it and grab that moth.

I understood that the fear was irrational and silly, because this moth cannot harm me in any way. Yet, even with that knowing I was still petrified. It took allot of pushing to stop allowing this fear to direct me. It really took all I had to direct myself to take my hand and grab the poor moth and get it out of the room. In the end all that was left to get this done was to simply stop thinking about it, to stop the fear directing me and just grab the moth and get it out.

When I was done I realized it was not at all as bad as I thought it would be. The thoughts and the fear made it allot worse than it actually was and I realized that all of it was not real.

Now, some of you reading this might think that this experience was simply ridiculous. Maybe you are saying “ how can such an irrational fear control you so much?”, but the truth is this: We all have that one thing that stops of from doing something. And that is the problem we have in this world.

It’s easy to say that you are going to change your life and live in a way that is best for all, but to actually live that change and apply it in your daily life? This is why most people give up, by not pushing through and not living the change.

index Like with me and the moth - I told myself I’m going to grab this moth right now, but every time a thought would come up and the fear will get more and that would stop me from doing something I said I would. How many times have you in your life had this experience where you decided to do something and was very willing, but when it came to actually doing it thoughts and feelings and emotions came up and then you end up not doing it.

So my moth experience may be a trivial thing, but in the end it’s the same basic point. That you might know allot and understand allot, but if you do not actually live it and apply it in your life it’s useless. There comes a point in your life where all that is left is simply say TILL HERE NO FURTHER to all the things keeping you for directing your life and doing what you said you will. To simply stop the belief that you are unable to change and apply it in your life and go for it. Be the directive principle in your life.

Thursday, 9 October 2014

Day 242: Death With Dignity - Everyone should have the choice to Die

 

images "Brittany Maynard intends to die shortly after her husband’s birthday at the end of October. On the day of her choosing, she is electing to take prescribed medication that will end her life.

Maynard, a 29-year-old California native, was diagnosed in April with glioblastoma multiforme — fatal stage 4 brain cancer — and given six months to live.

Maynard made a decision. She chose to move with her family from the San Francisco Bay area to Portland, Ore., because of Oregon’s “Death with Dignity” act, she explains in an article she wrote for CNN as well as in an online video she filmed to raise awareness about the law.

“I can’t even tell you the amount of relief that it provides me to know that I don’t have to die the way that it’s been described to me, that my brain tumor would take me on its own,’’ Maynard says. ‘‘I hope to enjoy however many days I have on this beautiful Earth and spend as much of it outside as I can surrounded by those I love. I hope to pass in peace.’’ – See more at http://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/2014/10/08/brittany-maynard-chooses-death-with-dignity-age/vDQvQBVSuCLCBNIVuifZyO/story.html"

This has caused quite the stir. The death with dignity act is legal in Washington, Montana, Vermont, New Mexico, and Oregon and basically states that terminally ill, mentally competent adults diagnosed with six months or less to live could obtain a fatal prescription that they would administer themselves.

The stir I am revering to is that people support this and others do not. Some of the groups include religious groups, because it’s a sin to kill yourself. Another group is “ pro-life” people who believe life is sacred.

I do not want to go too much into the religious groups here, but the main reason why they oppose this act is because to kill yourself Is a sin. Even if you have a slow and very painful death waiting for you God wants the disease to take its course and want you to live through the pain and die the natural death he intended, because he is a loving and merciful God.

The pro Life people who believe that Life is sacred and needs to be protected at all costs are also not in full understanding of the problem here. Can you imagine being terminally ill and only having few months to live? Doctors telling explain to you exactly how you are going to die and that there is nothing to do about it? You know the death will be slow and painful, who would not want a quick death rather?

I see this act as valid and something everybody in this particular situation should have the right to decide upon if it’s properly managed and overseen. IF I was ever in a situation like this where it’s a fact that I will die a horrible death I would definitely rather have a quick death than to drag it out. Wouldn’t you?

Sunday, 5 October 2014

Day 241 Nicky Minaj "Anaconda" - We all know it's a Penis...

 

 

Nick Driving one morning early I took in my surroundings – Trees starting to bloom, green grass growing and the morning sun shining through some clouds on the horizon. It’s about time for the morning news on the radio so I turned it on and what I heard was:

“My anaconda don't, my anaconda don't
My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun”…

I don’t keep track of what songs are popular these days, mostly because it can’t be classified as music really, but unfortunately I had the displeasure of hearing this whilst driving and waiting for the morning news.

For those who don’t know – the “song” is Nicki Minaj –Anaconda. This particular release has peaked at No. 2 on the US Billboard Hot 100, consequently becoming Minaj's highest charting single in the United States to date. To be clear here – That chorus is actually saying “my penis will not come near you unless you have a big butt”. That has reached no 2, as in the second most popular song when it came out. The music video basically focuses on Nicki’s butt as she shakes it and is filmed in every angle possible – this has reached over 100million views in 11 days.

What can you tell about a generation when you look at the most popular songs of today? My question is how a song like this can be played on radio? Why do we allow music with these lyrics to be played while children are listening? It is basically porn. The song is selling sex, its all about the profit. Sure he does not actually say “PENIS”, but we all know exactly what the song is about. This is starting to get out of hand, they taking it too far. The line has been crossed. Is not time we put a stop to all this? Time we realize how music influences a generation? Where is our dignity? Should we not consider what responsibilities lies with pop stars?

It would be far more beneficial if pop stars start singing about real things – things that can support those who listen to it – or at least not be about sex. Unfortunately that would decrease profits drastically. Seriously, if we do not change this it’s simply going to get crazier. Very soon pop starts won’t bother with euphuisms anymore and actually sing about having sex literally and it will be on radio for all hear and be the new hit single. I do not want to live in a world like that.

So to all the “stars” making “music” – Please stop. And to the children who listen to this – please stop. It’s time we find our dignity and stop allowing ourselves to be influenced for profit. Take charge in your life and do not be manipulated and told what you should like and should buy. Make your own choices. Make your Life REAL.

Here some more lyrics:

Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt
(Look at her butt)
Look at, look at, look at
Look, at her butt

Yeah, he love this fat ass, ha haha!
Yeah! This one is for my bitches with a fat ass in the f****g club
I said, where my fat ass big bitches in the club?
F**k the skinny bitches! F**k the skinny bitches in the club!
I wanna see all the big fat ass bitches in the muthaf***n' club
F**k you if you skinny bitches, what?! Kyuh
Ha ha, ha ha
I got a big fat ass (ass, ass, ass)
Come on!