Do we pay with money or with our very Lives?

Facts of life – you need money to live. We need money to buy things, but is it actually money we        use   to pay for things or is there more to it?

Day 303 - How can we make the Impossible into a Possible reality?

If you had a choice would you want to live in this world with all its suffering? I would not choose this world, so why don’t we change it?

Day 293: Don’t Judge a shirt by its Design…

We all have our preferences to styles and types of clothing we like. Sure it’s sometimes mostly based on ideas created behind the point or social influences, other times it’s based on what is practical. For me I prefer wearing simple plain clothing.

 

Back when I was a teenager it was a different story. I was into whatever was cool based on social influences. I was a surfer/rockstar wannabe so that is the clothing I wore.  Had to be branded clothing. But as you know – things changes when you grow up and now clothing is simply soothing to cover my birthday suit.

Throughout the years there was one thing that did not change and something I brought with me since childhood – I will never wear a Vest.

With working around the farm your clothing does not last very long so every now and then I need new shirts. So off I went with my girlfriend and at the store she places a vest in my hands. I immediately and firmly announced my displeasure and told her I will not wear this. We walked og there with a few new shirts and the Vest.

I did not even realize at that point what my issue is with a vest until I looked at it. A memory  came up from when I was very young I found a box of clothes and in there was a vest, I put it on and went about my day. My parents saw me with this vest and they were all like “ wow, look at those muscles” and “ look at how strong you are”. I got fairly irritated with this and decided there I really don’t like vests.

What I did was linked wearing vests to people who want to look strong and show of their muscles. Like an Ego thing. And from There I avoided wearing Vests. 

It was only recently at the behest of my partner that I started wearing Vests again ad I got to say – when it comes to a very hot day a vest is much better to wear that a T-Shirt ( What?! Really?!).  So all those years I was sweating on hot days with my T-Shirt I could have worn a nice vest, but I created this idea and belief about the Vest and lived with that idea for many years.

So what beliefs and ideas are you living with currently? It’s hard to determine, because you already firmly believe it is real. Only way to find out if it’s real or not is to tests it out for yourself .

Day 280: Just who exactly is the Real You?

 

 

“The Fascination with the Mind is Mirrored within the Fascination with Movies – Watching the Reels Play. In the Mind you’re a Superhero that Understands things that makes ‘You Special’, where you have ‘Special Skills’ and ‘Special Gifts’. But none of those are in fact Real. They’re just a Movie Reel where you Hide. But, even the ‘You’ that’s Hiding, the one Lost in the Mind – isn’t Real: it’s a Character you Created about You…one of Many.

You have Characters for every Situation, for every Relationship and everything you do. And each Character has different Reasons, Meanings and Values – and you will Dress-up as these Characters in Ways that will Ensure that ‘Your Movie’ Benefits. And ‘Your Movie’ Benefits if you do not have to take Responsibility for the Real Reality.” - http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/01/day-263-real-eyes-see-reel-thoughts.html

We have created specific characters and personalities for specific situations. Have a look at the people in your life and how you are around each of them. Are you the same or do you change into a different person depending on the situation?

For me when I am in town buying things and interactive with different people I usually become a super friendly character, simply because people are more willing to help you when you are friendly. Another example would be when I was a kid, my behavior would be different depending where I am and who I speak with. I would be different when speaking to a parent or when I’m in church or when I’m with friends. I had many characters for every situation.

And so do we all – we are many characters. We have a character for anger, for frustration, for irritation, for when we do not agree with someone, for when we do not want to do things – really a character for every situation. The question then is who exactly are we really? Look at when you are alone – is that who you really are? Or are we constantly in our minds thinking about the day, thinking about other people, judging other people , creating our own opinions and ideas and beliefs on what we see and wonder around in our imaginations. None of those things are real, it’s all fake.

Look outside. Look at the trees, the grass and the sky. Those things are real. The forests being destroyed, that is real. The oceans being poisoned, the mass extinction of species – those things are real and the real consequences of humanities imaginations. The result of our desires and greed and quest for happiness – the human lifestyle has created so much real destruction.

It’s time we become real and let go of these characters we have created, because these characters and personalities is keeping us all preoccupied from real change. There is unfortunately allot at stake and time will eventually run out. And when it does run out in the end, what will we say, what will you say? Did we do everything we can with the time we had? Or did we waste it all on our imaginations….

Day 277: What does it mean to be "Here" in the moment?

 

You have probably heard this a few times in life “Live in the moment”. What does it mean to live in the moment? What does it mean to be here in the moment? And more importantly why is it so hard to actually be here in the moment?

The next time you are doing something like cleaning your house or some gardening pay attention to where you thoughts go. I was walking through the orchard one morning assessing the damage from a recent hail storm which unfortunately destroyed most of the figs. Anyway, as I was looking at the trees and trying to fix some of the damage and salvage what I could, I was constantly thinking. Thoughts like thinking about what I’m going to do next and what I’m going to make myself for lunch and other plans of the week etc.

So while I was busy picking damage fruit and trimming broken branches I was thinking about other things. I was not actually here in the moment, but in the future looking at plans and things I am going to do next – instead of being here and focusing on what I’m currently doing.

So being here in the moment means actually being here in the moment. It’s Not thinking about the future and constantly being in your head. While I was thinking about these things while walking in the orchard my awareness was diminished. When I realized what was doing and stopped the thoughts to simply be here in the moment I could hear the birds that I did not notice before.

Not being fully here in the moment we tend to miss things – it is in these moments that we tend to misplace keys, or forget about turning the oven off or any other event of forgetfulness. Simply because when you were putting down the keys you were in your head and not actually aware of your environment.

So bring yourself back to earth and be Here

2015 Let’s not Buy into the Idea of love This Valentine.

 

Valentine’s Day is the day to celebrate Love and a day to take special planning to bring the romance to your partner. Lots of chocolates get bought and eaten, lots of gift cards and restaurants love the full house that this day brings. Nothing says LOVE quite like spending lots of money on your partner.

When I was a kid in school this day brought with it a bit of resentment. We all have this idea of what love is based on movies and TV-series, it seems so desirable and when you are a teenager love and getting a partner can be one of the most important thing currently in your life. Unfortunately I was not all that popular and one of the “nice guys” so this day would leave me kind of sad that I did not have somebody.

Interesting enough I was not alone in this sadness on this particular day, some go even further and can’t handle the pain and actually kill themselves on Valentine ’s Day which is not surprisingly one of the highest days of suicide rates. The question is why do we all buy into this idea of love presented to us?

We see on TV how beautiful love is and how perfect it is and how all you need is love and everything will work as long as you have love. But we all know this to be untrue. We experience this first hand, no relationship is like it is on TV - it’s never perfect – yet we still desire it. And when the relationship does not meet the expectation created based on ideas we are left disappointed. And why? Simply because we had an idea of what love is.

People often say that Love can’t be defined – wrong. If you are unable to define love then you do not know what Love really is. Love is not a feeling. That is a limitation of the word and what it truly is. Love is action, an act of unconditionally supporting another without judgments to become the best each can be. And that takes work, allot of work.

So let’s not buy into the idea of love – the fairytale of love and rather create it into something that can truly stand the test of time.

Just because the TV said so Does not mean it is...

 

“”The researchers sat through 40 episodes of the “The Dr. Oz Show”; from those, they identified 479 separate recommendations he or his guests made to his TV audience. After winnowing the selection down to more forceful recommendations, they randomly selected 80 and weighed them against the existing medical literature, evaluating each claim for “consistency and believability.” Only 46 percent of the advice, they found, had evidence supporting it, and just 33 percent of the time were those claims supported by “believable or somewhat believable evidence.” For just more than 1 in 3 recommendations, they weren’t able to find any supporting information at all (despite, they note, “being quite liberal in the type and amount of evidence we required”).

Interestingly, the researchers noted that about 58 to 59 percent of the time, Oz never specified the supposed benefit of what he was recommending — the implication, apparently, being that viewers should do things simply because the TV doctor is telling them to. They observed as well that the show rarely detailed the potential harms and costs of recommendations; thus, they write, “anyone who followed the advice provided would be doing so on the basis of a trust in the host or guest rather than through a balanced explanation of benefits, harms, and costs.”’”

http://www.salon.com/2014/12/19/scientists_prove_that_you_shouldnt_trust_anything_dr_oz_says/

It’s in TV so it must be true. It’s in the Newspapers so it must be true. TV has always been a clever way for companies or people to make money. With shows like DR. OZ and Oprah it is mostly based on trusting the person presenting the stuff and not whether the products being sold actually works.

And as we can see from the article above, most of the things being presented have no real proof if it works or not and the only reason why you would buy it is because the person on the TV said so, It does not have to based on actual facts. With this there are people behind the scenes cashing in on people who trust the TV.

It’s the same with the news – you cannot know how true the story is unless it’s actually about you personally. I have had the experience of a newspaper writing an article about us and the end result turned out to be 100% opposite to the actual facts. Yet, it’s in the paper and people believe it to be true.

The point I’m making here is that you cannot trust anything solely based on “Its TV so it must be true”. The same with newspapers and even the stuff you buy in the stores – just because it’s not the shelves does not mean it’s safe to eat. The only real way of knowing if something is true or not is to go and investigate yourself which is something that is simply not practical for most of us. And this leaves us with a dilemma, because how do you then know if it’s true?

So, next time you see something on TV that tells you to buy this great and amazing thing – first do your research and investigation and do not simply trust what the TV tells you.

Day 184 - Frustration with Making music.

 

It is not easy making a song. There are lots of challenges involved. From writing the music to writing the lyrics and placing them all together in one flowing song. Then comes recording the song which brings new challenges. Those who do record their own music know what I am talking about. Sometimes it works out great and is an easy process, but mostly it is difficult to get it “right” and so it gets frustrating.

When I write a song I use my guitar or piano and it sounds cool, but with the recording process it does not always come out the way I want it to. I am now working on a song that sounds great when I play it on guitar and sing it, but recording it does not sound do great. Mostly due to the fact that I am out of practice with my voice and guitar which makes recording it a pain in the ass, because when recording guitar I have to play precisely on beat and recording a vocalist that is out of practice takes forever. And so it gets frustrating.

In my previous blog about me getting older I mentioned the need I had to rush things and this is one of the reason I wrote that blog. In my rush I wanted to quickly record it and sing it and get it out, but in my rush my vocals are terrible and the guitar track is not so great. So now I have to redo it anyway whereas I could have prepared myself more to make sure I am able to effectively record the track. Unfortunately I do not have talent for singing and practicing vocals takes a long time to master it so I will have to make another plan there.

To me it is frustrating that a song sounds great and then turns out not so great when recording it, but I have faced challenges like this one before and with time and dedication I made it work. It took as long as it took and rushing will only make things worse. Only after I tested all points with a song will I drop it and write a another one which does happen occasionally. Update to follow soon

Self Worth and Self Development

 

 

I have looked at the point of self-worth and self-value before and now some new points have opened up: Other dimensions of self-worth and self-value (or the lack thereof), as well as the consequences.

I have been working with the physical for a few years before I got Graves disease. I have developed my skills and got myself to a point where I was effective within a particular physical activity/process. What I did not develop effectively during those years was my "inner" skills - my beingness, as who I am in/as my Living. Within this there is a Miss-alignment - developing one part and ignoring the other (missing the equal and one alignment of me in my within and without, my who I am within and how I live without). What I found interesting is that I have constant lower back pain and the physical reason is that my body is skew – miss-aligned. My right side is lower than my left. I am busy with some exercises to correct this.

My lack of self-worth played a role in this - where I told myself that I don't matter and what matters is doing tasks and keeping myself busy with it; all the while keeping myself from developing myself. If I look at it now it is also a point of "self-sacrifice" - where I dedicate my life helping out and helping others, but ignoring myself in the process, because I saw myself as not being important. I have lived my life like this believing that I am doing "good" and that It makes me a "good" person, but all I have done is ignore myself and my life.

It is time to realign myself and realize that I cannot keep on ignoring myself. It is important to develop myself so that I can be an effective living being. Develop self-skills and become directive and effective within it just like I did with working in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the  belief and idea that I do not matter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this belief go into a "self-sacrifice" of only helping out and helping others and ignoring myself, not realizing that I cannot in fact assist/support/help others if I have not in fact done this for myself, within myself and so my own life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my lack of self-worth and self-value to not develop myself and improve myself to become effective, because I believed that Other people are more important that I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live with this miss-alignment and believe that I am a good person by only helping out other people - not realizing that This was a belief and perception. Holding onto a belief of ‘I am a “good person”’ as a Personality I then fueled/validated, instead of actually finding out who I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I limited myself by ignoring myself and only helping others - because If I do not change myself I stay the same instead of developing myself to become more and more effective.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I cannot support another effectively if I do not support myself first

I commit myself to stop the belief and idea that I do not matter - instead I realize the importance of myself and developing myself to become effective, because the more effective I am the better I can assist and support others

I commit myself to stop the "self-sacrifice" character and start paying attention to myself and my self-development and realize that before I can truly assist and support another I must be able to assist and support myself.

I commit myself to stop limiting myself and disabling myself by not assisting and supporting myself within self-development - instead I dedicate myself to become effective within myself

Day 155 - Future Projection

 

Winter is coming. The nights are getting colder and the early morning have a bite about them. Rain is getting less and trees are getting ready for their long sleep by shedding their leaves as the wind brush beside them.

On the farm winter means dry season and dry season means fire season. With the frost and cold that kills and the rain that deprives the grass - the fields get very dry, creating perfect fuel for fire. Each farm has the responsibility for making their own fire breaks - that is when you burn the grass along your borders to prevent a fire from jumping from one farm to another. Winter also means preparing fruit trees so that they are protected from the frost and cold. It’s time for winter preparations to begin.

When I was looking at this I went into anxiety and started to worry and the usual suspects made an appearance: Time - what if we do not make it in time and the farm burns down and the fruit trees dies. Rushing - We must hurry to make sure  we get it in time and now the one I am writing about: Future Projection.

What I did was go into my mind and thinking about winter and all the things we need to do, because we only have 1 month ‘till June and so went into anxiety. Yes, I even forgot for a moment there was a May still coming before we get to June. When I realized my error I was relieved.

What I should have done is look at things for what they are - meaning that instead of thinking about the future and worrying about it I instead simply look at what we need to do in order to be prepared for the winter and estimate how much time we need to be done and get to it. Firstly giving us enough time take out the possibility that we won’t have enough and thus there is no rush.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future and my mind so much so that I left out an entire month

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain here in the moment when looking at things that needs to be done in the future.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at things for what they really are here in the physical, but to look at things from the mind which is not real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety when I looked at what we need to do to prepare for the winter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if we do not get all the preparations done in time the farm might be at a greater risk from fire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when the first cold nights came to go into a memory of ''time to get to fire breaks'' that had an energy attached to it of anxiety and when I accessed this memory I also accessed the anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remove this energetic attachment to the memory of anxiety so that it doesn't influence me anymore

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I give myself enough time do to things there will be no need  to rush and worry about time.

I commit myself to stop projecting myself into the future - instead I remain stable here in the moment when looking at things do to and prepare for in the future. Thus, utilizing future projection PRACTICALLY, through looking at what does need to be prepared for the coming winter, for example, assessing the time within that projection, as well as the responsibilities and then getting to it – no reactions required, only practical applications

I commit myself to look at things and situations for they really are and not influenced from my minds perspective

I commit myself to stop the automatic response of rushing when I see I have an important task ahead, instead I remain stable here and plan what needs to be done and then simply do it.

I commit myself to stop immediately looking at the worst case scenario - instead I realize that it’s from my worrying that I create the worst possible consequence.

I commit myself to stop the anxiety of worrying every time winter comes, instead I stop and breathe and realize that I have been through enough winters and know exactly what to do and how to do it and thus it’s pointless to worry about it and start trusting myself within this as I have proven this to myself over and over.

Day 150 - Listening to my body

 

Listening to my body was a new thing to me, when I was introduced to walking Process.

When I was younger, still in school and got sick - I usually did not let it affect me, especially on holidays. I was once diagnosed with bronchitis and a throat infection when I was on a holiday, but I did not let it slow me down - I still went swimming in the ocean that was ice cold and partying etc. Looking at it now it was probably  a very bad idea, as there are so many variables involved with regards to how quickly it could have actually gotten worse, so I was actually ‘lucky’ that it didn’t with tempting fate in such a way. I should have listened to my body which told me I am sick and need to take it easy.

Another experience I had when I did not listen to my body was on a very hot summer day in the field. We were busy burning branches and weeds in the field and started pretty early. We had a big pile to burn so what I did was taking a few branches at a time and placed them on the fire. I could feel myself getting really warm - the fire itself was very hot and the sun was hot. I would get very thirsty and ask someone to go fetch me some water every now and then - I did not want to leave the others helping, alone with the fire.

I started to get tired from the heat and dehydrated. What I should have done was get one of the guys to stay with the fire while I went back to the house for a break and water, but I was stubborn and did not listen to my body. Since I was the one directing things with the fire i did not want to leave it - even though the other guys there helping me was more than capable to attend the fire. I believed that if I leave the fire something might go wrong and the fire will burn down the fields. So, in my stubbornness – I created this ‘position’ for myself in relation to everyone else, and wanted to hold that position in my Mind. Not wanting to admit that the others would in fact be alright with the fire, because that would mean that it would challenge the idea/position of myself I held in my mind in relation to the responsibility. And so, I did not want to challenge my ‘idea’ of myself and so justified why ‘I had to stay’ and not listen to/tend to my body/myself.

As the day went by I was actually getting a bit dizzy and muscles aching and legs hurting and getting exhausted, but I did not listen to my body and did what I always did - continue what I am doing regardless of what I feel almost a ''mind over matter'' kind of thing. I would say this was one of the first times where I actually pushed myself to the limit - even though it was completely unnecessary for me to do so, since the other guys could have handle it easily. But I was the ''leader'' and believed that if I left it wouldn’t be a good example of being a leader so I believed that I should be strong and continue. So, this is another point that I will open up in my posts, the IDEA I created about ‘leadership’ and what that means and then what it actually in fact mean in considering self and one’s relationship to others. Because in my mind, ‘to lead’ meant to more consider/regard OTHERS more than myself/my relationship to them and so I actually sabotaged myself more than in fact ‘stand as an living example’.

Eventually we were done for day (after putting out the fire by carrying 20 liter watering cans up and down the river). I went to go sit down being satisfied with the day’s accomplishments. Now the body is a wonderful thing - it reveals consequences and not always immediately. In my case it started at night. I was still exhausted, but something was very different. It started with a little head ache, then a little nausea followed by dizziness. Soon after it escalated and I felt as if my head was going to explode - the pain got very bad and so did the nausea. I managed to walk to Sunette and others on the farm and we soon realized I had a bad case of HEATSROKE.

My head was exploding along with my stomach and I was throwing up and not having a very good time. The others helped me out as well as the physical body with the necessary medications/rehydration’s and eventually after a while I started to get better. There I learnt the importance of the physical / my body. That I really should consider my body in what I am doing, but unfortunately i did not fully grasp what that actually meant yet - only that I will never push my body like that. Since that day I could not handle very hot days as well as I did before.  

If I look at it now i completely disregarded my body and what it was telling me and instead I used the Mind to create the idea that all I have to do is believe I can make it and I will. I must just push and fight through what I am feeling and my body will be fine. Within this seeing the mind as superior over the body and the mind as MORE real. This is not so. The reality here was my body telling me to sloooooow doooooown and me believing the mind to be better than the body. And the consequence was a nice case of the heatstrokes.

Day 71 - ''I'll do anything to fit in'' Character

 

This is related to when i was in school. Where i would change my behavior just so that i can fit in with other people so that they can accept me. So i would compromise myself and who i am so that i can keep my friends and then i change who i am and believe this character is real.

Peer pressure. You can look back in your life and realize that everybody does the same thing - they change themselves to fit in. I was a deferent person depending on who i am with. I would be the 'goody two shoes' character when im around my parents, teachers, friends parents and then a deferent person when im around my friends and then a deferent person when im arou nd a beautiful girl i like.

In this as i look back i ask myself who was I? Who was the real me? When i look at how i was when i was alone with myself i was again another person/character. When i was alone with myself there was no need to change. That was the person who i really was. But i alone knew that and how i presented myself to others was fake and not real. Simply characters so suit my life and the particular situation I was in.

Now i have to ask myself who was I friends with? The person i was friends with was also another character and not a real person. It was somebody like me who chose to be a particular character depending on who they were with. And everybody is like that, a bunch on characters.

Nobody was real - nobody revealed who the really are just like I hid myself from others. And i did this out of fear. We do this out of fear. The fear of not being accepted by others - the fear others not liking who you really are, The fear of others judging who you are.

I find it interesting that I never saw myself as being fake/nor real. I thought i was real. Everybody think they are real. We all believe that this person and character is who we are. But if i was real then who i was would never change. I would not create different characters around different situations, I would be consistent in who I am and what I do no matter the situation or who i am with.

And so I chose and created my characters and became friends with characters that i liked, in this lived a lie - it wasn't real. Who is the real me. Who are you?

This is why I am busy with getting rid of all the characters i have created, because i realize now that it was all a act. I need to become real - find the real person. We all need to become real. To Keep it real 

 

More on dropping the act an becoming real tomorrow. While you anxiously wait for part two go here and vote for a real world at www.equalmoney.org

And then also if you want to become real and stop acting start by going here: www.desteni.org

Day 55 - Why Forgetting can not be an excuse

 

If you forget something you are not here in the moment or facing resistance where you sub consciously push it back and deliberately forget or deem something as unimportant and then forget

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that forgetting something is an excuse and something that I do not have any power over and that it just happens and is acceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when i do forget something and then to be hard on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am asked to do something later that i don't like to do to then in that resistance push it far back in my mind so that i can forget about it and sue that as a perfect excuse - all the while believing I'm innocent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when needing to something later that i deem small and insignificant to push it far back in my mind so that i can forget about it and sue that as a perfect excuse - all the while believing I'm innocent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when having a task to do later to not be here in the moment and to in that moment be in the mind and then already decide to forget it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on memory so that i do not forget  - not realizing that memory is limited and that by being here in every moment i would not have to remember as i can simply bring the moment here to see what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i need memory not realizing that i do not need to remember to wipe my ass or where clothes, but that it is an physical action that is here in the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be here in every moment but to be in the mind which is limited and not real and that if i am here in every moment i would never forget

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so overwhelmed with all the things i do daily that i believe its too much to handle and that i cannot keep up and then to forget things because im constantly busy in my mind with fearing that i will forget something - and then in the mind i am not here in reality and then i create the point of forgetting

I commit myself to stop forgetting things

I commit myself to stop being hard on myself and to not judge myself when i do forget something, but to find the reason why i did forget and to correct myself so that i do not make the same mistake again

I commit myself to stop using forgetfulness and an excuse and to see that it is actually a deliberate act

i commit myself to take self responsibility by not forgetting by dedicating myself to be here in every moment

I commit myself to stop relying on memory so that i do not forget but to be here in breath

I commit myself to when asked to do something that i do not like to stop the resistance and to see it is not real and then be here so that can do it

I commit myself to when asked to do something that i deem insignificant to realize that im judging something based on a believe that i have so i stop it and do it anyway 

I commit myself to breathe and to realize that if i feel overwhelmed i am not breathing and if i am not breathing then i am going to forget things since i am not here but in my mind

Day 53 - The ''I Don't Know'' Character

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the done know character to suit my needs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when i look wit hin myself to find the source of a point and i say i do not know then it is me not wanting to see the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I write or look at something to write I go into character and the say I do not know what to write

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i created this character and that i created the point of not knowing from not wanting to face myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim ignorance and say I did not know that i am creating all this - even though the proof is all around me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take self responsibility by stopping this character and to start pushing through the resistance and get to the points and stop claiming ignorance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this character as a defensive mechanism to protect my ideas of myself who I believe I am - not realizing that who i believe i am is not real

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all i am is characters that i created based on my environment, parents and media and that I decide nothing and have no say in what I do and that these characters directs my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of these characters so that I can become real and self directed and longer be controlled by my beliefs and ideas that only harm life and are based on self interest

I commit myself to delete the i don't know character

I commit myself to realize that i do know and that it is me not wanting to push through the resistance to face the point im working on

I commit myself to realize that I can never run out things to write about because of the magnitude of the problem we face on this world that represents what is going on inside of me

I commit myself to take self responsibility by stopping to claim ignorance and start acting

I commit myself to become real and stop ignoring the problem we face in this and find ways to stop it

I commit myself to dedicate myself to stop and delete all my characters so that i can become real and self directed

I commit myself to stop the belief and idea of who i am and to see that it is not real