Day 239 Making a Decision that needs to be made Immediately

 

I have always been horrible with decision making, from the smallest things like deciding what to eat to the big things in life. Over the years I have become better at the small things, but the big things still need direction.

Winter time on the farm means fire season. When there is a fire in the area people get called and those who are able to go help to put the fire out. In these situations time is very important so you need to really hurry and make sure you get to that fire as fast as possible, because the fire might burn down houses or trap and burn animals so the sooner you get to it the better. One night I got the call that a property was burning and they need help to put the fire out, unfortunately property was far away so this required a different approach.

Usually the fires were close so we jump on our tractor with the water cart attached and put out the fire. Eventually what we did was some guys went ahead with a car to get to the fire while another person drove the tractor. That way some people can already beat the fire while we wait fire the tractor.

Before I came to that decision on how to approach this point I hesitated, because It was a new situation I did not have previous experience on how to deal with point so I stressed out a bit trying to decide what I should do. And there is the mistake – allowing myself to panic and stress, because in that state I was not able to make any effective decisions or direct the situation effectively. So what will be the best way to face a tough time constraint decision?

The best thing you can do is to stop and breathe. Do not allow the stress and anxiety to direct you, simply stop and breathe. Also slow down, I found I was looking at everything at the same time instead of looking at it one point at a time. This will give you a “clear head” so that you can effectively look at the situation and direct it. Keep things practical – in these situations the answer is here. You may not know exactly what is going to happen, but what you can do is direct the moment the best way you are able to.

IF you require assistance with the big choices that do not need action immediately here is a cool self help guide how to best make a choice:

“We tend to get a little flustered and stressed out when we're faced with a big choice. There are usually a myriad of things to consider and usually all sorts of people trying to push you this way or that. All in all, it can be a pretty unpleasant experience when we don't know how to effectively dealing with the shit that seems to be flying at us from all directions.
So how the hell do you make a decision, especially when there seems to be so much stuff overwhelming you? First step:”

- See more at: http://activistsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/09/day-599-which-way-should-i-go.html#sthash.pLorVal3.dpuf

Day 155 - Future Projection

 

Winter is coming. The nights are getting colder and the early morning have a bite about them. Rain is getting less and trees are getting ready for their long sleep by shedding their leaves as the wind brush beside them.

On the farm winter means dry season and dry season means fire season. With the frost and cold that kills and the rain that deprives the grass - the fields get very dry, creating perfect fuel for fire. Each farm has the responsibility for making their own fire breaks - that is when you burn the grass along your borders to prevent a fire from jumping from one farm to another. Winter also means preparing fruit trees so that they are protected from the frost and cold. It’s time for winter preparations to begin.

When I was looking at this I went into anxiety and started to worry and the usual suspects made an appearance: Time - what if we do not make it in time and the farm burns down and the fruit trees dies. Rushing - We must hurry to make sure  we get it in time and now the one I am writing about: Future Projection.

What I did was go into my mind and thinking about winter and all the things we need to do, because we only have 1 month ‘till June and so went into anxiety. Yes, I even forgot for a moment there was a May still coming before we get to June. When I realized my error I was relieved.

What I should have done is look at things for what they are - meaning that instead of thinking about the future and worrying about it I instead simply look at what we need to do in order to be prepared for the winter and estimate how much time we need to be done and get to it. Firstly giving us enough time take out the possibility that we won’t have enough and thus there is no rush.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future and my mind so much so that I left out an entire month

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain here in the moment when looking at things that needs to be done in the future.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at things for what they really are here in the physical, but to look at things from the mind which is not real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety when I looked at what we need to do to prepare for the winter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if we do not get all the preparations done in time the farm might be at a greater risk from fire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when the first cold nights came to go into a memory of ''time to get to fire breaks'' that had an energy attached to it of anxiety and when I accessed this memory I also accessed the anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remove this energetic attachment to the memory of anxiety so that it doesn't influence me anymore

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I give myself enough time do to things there will be no need  to rush and worry about time.

I commit myself to stop projecting myself into the future - instead I remain stable here in the moment when looking at things do to and prepare for in the future. Thus, utilizing future projection PRACTICALLY, through looking at what does need to be prepared for the coming winter, for example, assessing the time within that projection, as well as the responsibilities and then getting to it – no reactions required, only practical applications

I commit myself to look at things and situations for they really are and not influenced from my minds perspective

I commit myself to stop the automatic response of rushing when I see I have an important task ahead, instead I remain stable here and plan what needs to be done and then simply do it.

I commit myself to stop immediately looking at the worst case scenario - instead I realize that it’s from my worrying that I create the worst possible consequence.

I commit myself to stop the anxiety of worrying every time winter comes, instead I stop and breathe and realize that I have been through enough winters and know exactly what to do and how to do it and thus it’s pointless to worry about it and start trusting myself within this as I have proven this to myself over and over.

Journey - Listen to My Body : HYPERTHYROIDISM

 

Its been a while since my last blog. Those who were following this blog series know that i have been having problems with my body for a long time now. After lots of test and a hospital visit including a colonoscopy(not a fun thing...) I have finally found the name of the cause : Hyperthyroidism.

A Refresh on the symptoms I have: fatigue/decreased energy, constipation, frequent bowl movement, increased heart rate, muscle weakness, shaky hands/body, weight loss ( i lost 10 KG) sweating. All this, because of an over active thyroid.

A Hyperactive Thyroid is when the thyroid(sits in your neck) excessively produces thyroid hormones. The Thyroid hormone is important at a cellular level, affecting nearly every type of tissue in the body. Thyroid hormone functions as a controller of the pace of all of the processes in the body aka metabolic rate.

Now you know more about your Thyroid.

I am relieved that i know what it is, very. No more wondering. The body is a wondrous thing. Me and my body have been living together for some time now. Since i started with Desteni i have learned to listen to it. Your body shows you things about yourself so my body is revealing to me ....something. I am listening and beginning a new journey to find out more about myself.  

The first point I noticed was the word HYPER in hyperthyroidism. If i look at myself and what i do within task I am always rushing or tense, basically hyper. for a long time now. It became normal for me so i didn't notice it then, Now i did.

So here starts my journey - ill have a look at my symptoms and write on how It relates to my lifestyle/who i am. Stay Tuned

Day 102 - There's never enough Time

 

Worrying about Time. Living my life around Time. Time dictates what i do and who i am.

I have found more points regarding being anxious all the time - Time

I am constantly worrying about Time - never having enough of it. I worry about the future and what might happen . I worry about the time that has already passed and i cannot have it back. I worry so much about time that  I never here in the moment, but always in the future or the past.

It is a known fact that stress causes physical harm to the body - it affects the body although its only a feeling. The same goes with sadness, anger rage and other emotions. Anxiety also affects the body - it gets the heart racing among other things. For me it came with me not being able to have a decent crap anymore.

the past 5 months I have daily been constipated, diarrhea, abdominal pain, bloated and very gassy. I never thought you can be constipated and have diarrhea in the same day but there you go.

The symptoms are exactly those of having IBS - irritable bowl syndrome. Here is  extracts from this site:

IBS, this disorder is characterized by abdominal pain, cramping, bloating, gas, constipation, and diarrhea

Approximately one in five adults in the United States has IBS

There is no known specific cause

 research has found that 50 to 90 percent have a psychiatric disorder such as an anxiety disorder

There is also no cure for IBS - only ways to relieve the symptoms

 

For me I am absolutely certain that anxiety and fear is what is causing my symptoms - so it will make sense to get rid of the anxiety so will the symptoms - we will see. On many sites some ways of treating IBS symptoms is medication to lessen the anxiety - this is suppressing it, not getting rid of it.

The first question is who created the anxiety within me? I did. Sure something outside myself triggers it - but I am creating the feeling - I am allowing an event to make me feel anxious. Most people believe they do not have a choice in how they experience themselves, but the truth is you choose to experience yourself a certain way. Its a Choice made. Change the choice, Change the experience.

Time - I have realized that I only have two hands and 24 hours a day do to things. There in no way for me to get more time. I actually have less time, because I am wasting it on worrying. So there is no point in worrying. its a waste of time.

More on this tomorrow.

Day 101 - Anxiety Character Revisited

 

Since my last blog about anxiety it has improved allot, but what i have found is that although its less it still exist within me. Here is an extract on some of the points I worked with:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the anxiety character when somebody asks me questions about myself because i fear sharing myself to others and that i wont be able to effectively share myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I lay down on the bed to rest for a while to into this anxiety character - because I fear doing nothing and see it as wasting time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this character is real and has power over me by controlling my actions and who i am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the anxiety character when i am faced with a new challenge, because I fear I will not be able to walk through it not realizing that I cannot know if im able to do it or not unless i do it and find out

So since then I have found some more points to add  which will follow now:

I forgive  myself that i have accepted  and allowed myself  to live anticipating the worst thinking about all the things that could go wrong within my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the belief that if i am not perfect within who i am and what I do go into anxiety because then that means I am doing something wrong

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be here in the moment and to realize that if I always worry about the future I  am missing out on my life here now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times suddenly become very anxious thing I have forgot something important when in fact i did not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgetting things - especially things that are important - because If I forget it will have consequences and thus I am anxious

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when someone says my name very loudly to go into fear and anxiety that i have done something wrong

I commit myself to stop anticipating the worst and to worry about the future , instead I bring myself here and live in moment dealing with the problems when they present themselves

I commit myself to realize that this is a process and that i am not yet perfect and it doesn't’ mean that i am doing something wrong.

I commit myself to be here in the moment so that I do not miss out on what is here now

I commit myself to stop fearing that i am forgetting things and to instead realize that if i live in the moment here i will not forget things. If im constantly worrying about the future then i will not be here and thus forget what i do here.

I commit myself to to stop allowing events to direct me life such as someone calling my voice loudly, instead i stop the anxiety