Day 102 - There's never enough Time

 

Worrying about Time. Living my life around Time. Time dictates what i do and who i am.

I have found more points regarding being anxious all the time - Time

I am constantly worrying about Time - never having enough of it. I worry about the future and what might happen . I worry about the time that has already passed and i cannot have it back. I worry so much about time that  I never here in the moment, but always in the future or the past.

It is a known fact that stress causes physical harm to the body - it affects the body although its only a feeling. The same goes with sadness, anger rage and other emotions. Anxiety also affects the body - it gets the heart racing among other things. For me it came with me not being able to have a decent crap anymore.

the past 5 months I have daily been constipated, diarrhea, abdominal pain, bloated and very gassy. I never thought you can be constipated and have diarrhea in the same day but there you go.

The symptoms are exactly those of having IBS - irritable bowl syndrome. Here is  extracts from this site:

IBS, this disorder is characterized by abdominal pain, cramping, bloating, gas, constipation, and diarrhea

Approximately one in five adults in the United States has IBS

There is no known specific cause

 research has found that 50 to 90 percent have a psychiatric disorder such as an anxiety disorder

There is also no cure for IBS - only ways to relieve the symptoms

 

For me I am absolutely certain that anxiety and fear is what is causing my symptoms - so it will make sense to get rid of the anxiety so will the symptoms - we will see. On many sites some ways of treating IBS symptoms is medication to lessen the anxiety - this is suppressing it, not getting rid of it.

The first question is who created the anxiety within me? I did. Sure something outside myself triggers it - but I am creating the feeling - I am allowing an event to make me feel anxious. Most people believe they do not have a choice in how they experience themselves, but the truth is you choose to experience yourself a certain way. Its a Choice made. Change the choice, Change the experience.

Time - I have realized that I only have two hands and 24 hours a day do to things. There in no way for me to get more time. I actually have less time, because I am wasting it on worrying. So there is no point in worrying. its a waste of time.

More on this tomorrow.

Being on constant guard - Anticipating the worst

The world is out to get me. And I'm constantly tested in every moment. I have to watch what i say and analyze the actions and words of others to find the true meaning. I cannot answer a question without thinking about it and making sure I am taking everything into consideration when answering. Decision making is difficult because i want to make sure I don't miss something.
I am on constant guard to make sure that nothing can hurt me.

Now walking around like this constantly analyzing every action, feeling tensed up inside has consequences. I noticed that throughout my day i unconsciously tense up my stomach muscles, and it stays tense automatically. I am finding it difficult to stop, because the only to not be so tense is to relax, and i am not relaxing.

Another side effect of being on guard and feeling tensed up inside is that I'm constipated.

I went through this experience before and what i did was stop anticipating and being here, and as i breathe i move through my body, feeling myself flowing through all parts of my body so that i can relax the muscles. I did that an the constipation went away.

But then i went back into the same pattern, so time-looped and here i am again.

I Stand

And I am Here again.     

LAXative -  reLAX