Day 101 - Anxiety Character Revisited

 

Since my last blog about anxiety it has improved allot, but what i have found is that although its less it still exist within me. Here is an extract on some of the points I worked with:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the anxiety character when somebody asks me questions about myself because i fear sharing myself to others and that i wont be able to effectively share myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I lay down on the bed to rest for a while to into this anxiety character - because I fear doing nothing and see it as wasting time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this character is real and has power over me by controlling my actions and who i am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the anxiety character when i am faced with a new challenge, because I fear I will not be able to walk through it not realizing that I cannot know if im able to do it or not unless i do it and find out

So since then I have found some more points to add  which will follow now:

I forgive  myself that i have accepted  and allowed myself  to live anticipating the worst thinking about all the things that could go wrong within my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the belief that if i am not perfect within who i am and what I do go into anxiety because then that means I am doing something wrong

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be here in the moment and to realize that if I always worry about the future I  am missing out on my life here now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times suddenly become very anxious thing I have forgot something important when in fact i did not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgetting things - especially things that are important - because If I forget it will have consequences and thus I am anxious

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when someone says my name very loudly to go into fear and anxiety that i have done something wrong

I commit myself to stop anticipating the worst and to worry about the future , instead I bring myself here and live in moment dealing with the problems when they present themselves

I commit myself to realize that this is a process and that i am not yet perfect and it doesn't’ mean that i am doing something wrong.

I commit myself to be here in the moment so that I do not miss out on what is here now

I commit myself to stop fearing that i am forgetting things and to instead realize that if i live in the moment here i will not forget things. If im constantly worrying about the future then i will not be here and thus forget what i do here.

I commit myself to to stop allowing events to direct me life such as someone calling my voice loudly, instead i stop the anxiety

Day 55 - Why Forgetting can not be an excuse

 

If you forget something you are not here in the moment or facing resistance where you sub consciously push it back and deliberately forget or deem something as unimportant and then forget

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that forgetting something is an excuse and something that I do not have any power over and that it just happens and is acceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when i do forget something and then to be hard on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am asked to do something later that i don't like to do to then in that resistance push it far back in my mind so that i can forget about it and sue that as a perfect excuse - all the while believing I'm innocent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when needing to something later that i deem small and insignificant to push it far back in my mind so that i can forget about it and sue that as a perfect excuse - all the while believing I'm innocent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when having a task to do later to not be here in the moment and to in that moment be in the mind and then already decide to forget it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on memory so that i do not forget  - not realizing that memory is limited and that by being here in every moment i would not have to remember as i can simply bring the moment here to see what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i need memory not realizing that i do not need to remember to wipe my ass or where clothes, but that it is an physical action that is here in the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be here in every moment but to be in the mind which is limited and not real and that if i am here in every moment i would never forget

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so overwhelmed with all the things i do daily that i believe its too much to handle and that i cannot keep up and then to forget things because im constantly busy in my mind with fearing that i will forget something - and then in the mind i am not here in reality and then i create the point of forgetting

I commit myself to stop forgetting things

I commit myself to stop being hard on myself and to not judge myself when i do forget something, but to find the reason why i did forget and to correct myself so that i do not make the same mistake again

I commit myself to stop using forgetfulness and an excuse and to see that it is actually a deliberate act

i commit myself to take self responsibility by not forgetting by dedicating myself to be here in every moment

I commit myself to stop relying on memory so that i do not forget but to be here in breath

I commit myself to when asked to do something that i do not like to stop the resistance and to see it is not real and then be here so that can do it

I commit myself to when asked to do something that i deem insignificant to realize that im judging something based on a believe that i have so i stop it and do it anyway 

I commit myself to breathe and to realize that if i feel overwhelmed i am not breathing and if i am not breathing then i am going to forget things since i am not here but in my mind

I Smell the Past

I walked in the mall the other day and as i walked past someone the smell of their perfume stirred a feeling within me.

Now feelings are activated by thoughts and this particular one was a memory of a long ago girlfriend who used similar perfume. And it took me back to those days and left me with a sense of longing. Which indicated that i have attached her to this smell along with memories related to her. All in one moment of that smelling.

So it was interesting to observe how a smell can effect me - or rather the link I attached to that smell.
And its so with allot of things. The smell of the ocean takes me back to my days of surfing.


The sames goes for pictures, sounds basic perceptions we have formed through our lives.
A fragrance is a fragrance, as Matti Freeman says, a cup is just a cup.

Change the perception you change the person.


The Desteniiprocess  assists with cutting those ties we have formed and brings you here, where a cup is just a cup, the real practical world where we can see what is real.