Day 307 - Stuck in the past? Fearing the Future? Never Living In the Present?

We always look back at life wishing we lived it more when we had the chance. Then we look at the future and fear the unknown. But when it comes to the Present – why don’t we live life to the fullest?

Day 304 - How to hide from Life:

 

 

Well, you can’t.

I’m sure many of us have had those days where you simply dread the next day or what is to come. Where you simply do not want to face what lies ahead and want to simply run away and hide somewhere. I had many such moments in my life, where I wished I had a genie to wish the problems away, unfortunately that is not how life is.

Right now I do not want to face tomorrow, because tomorrow we will have to let one of our horses go. I know what is involved - losing someone close to you is sad and painful. I know what is coming tomorrow and I do not want to. But the fact is that tomorrow is coming whether I like it or not.

What can we do in these situations? Hiding is not an option, we cannot hide from life. We cannot choose to not face certain points and events in our lives. But within these events we actually do have a choice – and the choice is how we respond to these events. It’s how we direct ourselves and who we are within all these events and happenings.

So no, we cannot hide from our lives, but we do have choice. To trust ourselves that whatever comes no matter what that we are able to get through it Instead of going into that “ I can’t do it, I don’t want to do it, please make it go away” experience within yourself.

So even though tomorrow is a dreaded day – I will face it head on.

Day 250: The Creator...

 

Here I will start looking at what meaning the word creator has within me and my experience with this word throughout my life and how I have defined myself according to this word and thus lived my life according to this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the word creator as a powerful being or life force that directs and controls and created everything in the universe and thus believe that I have no power or responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see creator as something that is superior/more than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see creator as something I can never be based on beliefs and ideas I accepted and allowed from religion.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate and see for myself what is possible and not instead of accepting what is believed on face value.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility for myself and my actions/deeds/thoughts and instead make something outside myself responsible like a creator/god or lifeforce.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am the one living this life – that I am the one who feels, creates emotions, have thoughts/backchats and live through choices made and not some other higher being or entity that directs everything, thus when shit hits the fan I cannot blame anything else but myself, because I am the one responsible for me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a creator of my life – that It has been me all along that chose to be who I am today and not some higher being/entity/god/lifeforce, and how I refused to accept this fact because it would mean I have to take responsibility for myself and stop blaming and holding something outside myself accountable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by believing myself to not be responsible for my life I will not do anything to change it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that If I am the one who has been directing my life up to now and I am not satisfied in the direction it is going then I am the one who needs to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to place responsibility outside myself by creating the belief and idea that there is something else directing life that is bigger than me, because then I don’t have to take self-responsibility and when things go wrong I can blame someone else.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to believe there is a greater force directing life then I believe everything is the way it is supposed to be and thus I would do nothing to change the way of the world and everything would stay the same

I commit myself to stop the belief and idea that there is a great powerful being/entity/force that directs and controls everything in the universe and my life that is vastly superior to me – instead I realize that I am the creator of my life and thus I am the one directing my life and chose to be who I am today based on what I have accepted and allowed

I commit myself to investigate and push through my perceived limitations to see what is in fact practically possible in this world and in my life. There is no way for me to know unless I give it my all to the best of my ability

I commit myself to stop blaming something outside myself for the events that happens to me – instead I realize that nothing happens to me, but that I am the one creating everything that goes on within my life and thus there is nobody to blame. Within this I commit myself to become self-responsible and direct my life to sort it out, because I am responsible for it.

I commit myself to realize that I run away from self-responsibility and justify it with the excuse that there is a god/being/entity/force out there with a plan directing everything thus everything is the way it is supposed to be and I must not and cannot change it – Instead I commit myself to stop this excuse and justification and stand up to change myself and this world by doing everything I am able to

Day 248 - What if tomorrow did not come?

 

"Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone." - Pablo Picasso

This is quite the quote. In terms of procrastinating this is very powerful statement - sometimes people can say really cool things. There is one thing that most of us living here on earth do not really understand or even grasp and that is that since the moment you were born you are dying.

 

There is a limited time we have on this earth to do things. We only have this one life. Every day we only have 24 hours and after that it’s gone, can’t take it back or do it over again. Yet, we live though life thinking that we have a spare life in our pockets, but the fact is that we do not. How many times on life do we say “ I’ll do it later” or “ Maybe tomorrow will be better for it”. The thing is that one day tomorrow will not be there and then you look at your life and realize that you have wasted so much time on trivial things, always postponing things in your life.

How different would live be if you lived as if today is your last day, I don’t think there are many people who can truly say at the end of their lives that they lived it to their utmost potential. That they did everything they could with the time they had on earth. And that is actually sad, I know for myself that I do not want to be in a situation where I look back in my life in my last few days on earth and become overwhelmed with regret. And the thing is that it does not have to be this way.

Everyday should be like the only day you have on earth. When you wake up it should be like a new birthing of self – to use those 24 hours as effectively as you can and not put things of till tomorrow, because tomorrow might not be there. And when you go to sleep it should be like dying – in terms of letting go of the day. Letting go of the anger that someone caused you, the dislikes and stress. If you live with a partner to not go to sleep if you had issues during the day – sort them out, because tomorrow might not come. When you sleep you want to be clear within yourself.

Rinse and repeat.

Day 183 - I am getting Older: Fear and Anxiety

 

I am turning 26 this year. There was a bit of anxiety within me when I looked at this – that I am getting older. Soon I will reach 30 and eventually 50. I am getting older. Time is going by seemingly faster – we are already more than halfway through 2013. The fear that came up was not that I will eventually die one day, but that time is going by. In just two years It would already be a decade since I graduated from school. A whole 10 years would have passed and it felt so short. In another decade I will say the same thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear when I saw that I am turning 26 this year.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within myself that Time is running out and that one day I will no time left when I do die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that time will go by too fast for me and that I would not have enough time to do all the things I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will regret the way I lived and feel that I have wasted it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I use my time effectively and do all that I am able to with the time I have then there can be no regret.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that even though time is going by – there is absolutely nothing I can do to slow it down or stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that one day when I am old I would be too old to do the things I am able to do now and thus believe that I should rush and get things done quickly while I have the time. Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that IF I rush through life I will miss out anyway.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to instead of rushing and wanting to get things done fast while I can – to instead to the best I am able to within the things I do now and only when I see that I have done all I can and still did not get to everything then I can say I did all I can and there is no point to worry about it.

I commit myself to stop linking fear with my age and growing old – instead I live in the moment

I commit myself to stop creating anxiety about the fact that time is going by and not to see it as time running out – instead I do the best I am able to with the time I have.

I commit myself to stop the fear That I will one day not be able to do the things I do now and then rush through things to get it done – instead I slow down and make sure I do things effectively with the time that I have

I commit myself to stop the fear that I will regret how I used my time – instead I realize that there can be no regret when I did in fact do all that I could to the best of my ability.

A point of Regret - A Practical Solution

 

Problem:

To regret is wanting to re-get, meaning we want to get the moment again and make a different choice and change the outcome into something we do not regret. Today I am looking at regret.

Regret is like a broken record - the memory of the event/situation you regret plays over and over in your head and this activates that heavy feeling and we live with it for the rest of our lives - haunted by a memory. The first thing to notice here is that it starts with a thought - that thought brings up a memory and that memory brings up an emotion. A vicious repetitive pattern that plays over and over. 

Today I was look at my experience of myself and what came up was regret. Looking at back at my life and all the time I had and what I did with it. I could have done more, I should have done more, I would have done more. Could have, should have, would have - these are the the prominent backchat that usually comes with regret.  What is not realized is that regret is pointless - It does not contribute to anything. It is mulling over the past, but you cannot change the past. If I went back to that same moment - I will do exactly the thing, because who I am has not changed - If I could have done something different I would have, but I did not not. The point of regret is not to go into an emotional experience within yourself, it is to learn and develop yourself.

Solution:

Regret is when you see what not to do. It is an opportunity to develop yourself and learn to become  more effective by never repeating the mistake that was made. It is then to change yourself now so that when you RE get that moment - when that moment/point comes up again in the future - you will make a decision/take an action that you will not regret.

Reward:

Defining and living regret as it is written in above transforms regret from something that brings you down and controls your life to something you direct. To no longer dwell on the past and be controlled and directed by it, but instead you direct your life. within this you have the opportunity to expand yourself and develop your effectiveness as a living human being.

Join us at Desteni and learn what it is to become an effective living human being where you take control of your life and become the directive principle within it  

Day 101 - Anxiety Character Revisited

 

Since my last blog about anxiety it has improved allot, but what i have found is that although its less it still exist within me. Here is an extract on some of the points I worked with:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the anxiety character when somebody asks me questions about myself because i fear sharing myself to others and that i wont be able to effectively share myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I lay down on the bed to rest for a while to into this anxiety character - because I fear doing nothing and see it as wasting time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this character is real and has power over me by controlling my actions and who i am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the anxiety character when i am faced with a new challenge, because I fear I will not be able to walk through it not realizing that I cannot know if im able to do it or not unless i do it and find out

So since then I have found some more points to add  which will follow now:

I forgive  myself that i have accepted  and allowed myself  to live anticipating the worst thinking about all the things that could go wrong within my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the belief that if i am not perfect within who i am and what I do go into anxiety because then that means I am doing something wrong

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be here in the moment and to realize that if I always worry about the future I  am missing out on my life here now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at times suddenly become very anxious thing I have forgot something important when in fact i did not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgetting things - especially things that are important - because If I forget it will have consequences and thus I am anxious

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when someone says my name very loudly to go into fear and anxiety that i have done something wrong

I commit myself to stop anticipating the worst and to worry about the future , instead I bring myself here and live in moment dealing with the problems when they present themselves

I commit myself to realize that this is a process and that i am not yet perfect and it doesn't’ mean that i am doing something wrong.

I commit myself to be here in the moment so that I do not miss out on what is here now

I commit myself to stop fearing that i am forgetting things and to instead realize that if i live in the moment here i will not forget things. If im constantly worrying about the future then i will not be here and thus forget what i do here.

I commit myself to to stop allowing events to direct me life such as someone calling my voice loudly, instead i stop the anxiety

I Smell the Past

I walked in the mall the other day and as i walked past someone the smell of their perfume stirred a feeling within me.

Now feelings are activated by thoughts and this particular one was a memory of a long ago girlfriend who used similar perfume. And it took me back to those days and left me with a sense of longing. Which indicated that i have attached her to this smell along with memories related to her. All in one moment of that smelling.

So it was interesting to observe how a smell can effect me - or rather the link I attached to that smell.
And its so with allot of things. The smell of the ocean takes me back to my days of surfing.


The sames goes for pictures, sounds basic perceptions we have formed through our lives.
A fragrance is a fragrance, as Matti Freeman says, a cup is just a cup.

Change the perception you change the person.


The Desteniiprocess  assists with cutting those ties we have formed and brings you here, where a cup is just a cup, the real practical world where we can see what is real.