Day 183 - I am getting Older: Fear and Anxiety

 

I am turning 26 this year. There was a bit of anxiety within me when I looked at this – that I am getting older. Soon I will reach 30 and eventually 50. I am getting older. Time is going by seemingly faster – we are already more than halfway through 2013. The fear that came up was not that I will eventually die one day, but that time is going by. In just two years It would already be a decade since I graduated from school. A whole 10 years would have passed and it felt so short. In another decade I will say the same thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear when I saw that I am turning 26 this year.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within myself that Time is running out and that one day I will no time left when I do die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that time will go by too fast for me and that I would not have enough time to do all the things I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will regret the way I lived and feel that I have wasted it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I use my time effectively and do all that I am able to with the time I have then there can be no regret.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that even though time is going by – there is absolutely nothing I can do to slow it down or stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that one day when I am old I would be too old to do the things I am able to do now and thus believe that I should rush and get things done quickly while I have the time. Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that IF I rush through life I will miss out anyway.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to instead of rushing and wanting to get things done fast while I can – to instead to the best I am able to within the things I do now and only when I see that I have done all I can and still did not get to everything then I can say I did all I can and there is no point to worry about it.

I commit myself to stop linking fear with my age and growing old – instead I live in the moment

I commit myself to stop creating anxiety about the fact that time is going by and not to see it as time running out – instead I do the best I am able to with the time I have.

I commit myself to stop the fear That I will one day not be able to do the things I do now and then rush through things to get it done – instead I slow down and make sure I do things effectively with the time that I have

I commit myself to stop the fear that I will regret how I used my time – instead I realize that there can be no regret when I did in fact do all that I could to the best of my ability.

Day 173 - When Happiness is Escaping Reality

 

This is a continuation and conclusion of the previous blog which you can easily access by clicking this link right here:  link

This is the self-forgiveness’s on the previous blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel good by looking at thing outside myself to make me feel good, because I feel down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need something outside myself to get me out of feeling down

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to, when I feel down - investigate the reason  why I feel down

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am the one who created/accepted and allowed the feeling of being down within me and I am responsible and thus that I am the only one who is able to clear myself from it / release it from within and as me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the need to feel good is to suppress the fact that I do not feel good.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I do go from a negative - feeling down/bad - to a positive - feeling good/happy - from a point of desiring to feel good: then I did not in fact deal with the feeling of being down. I did not in fact direct it and thus it is still existent within me and is the reason why the feeling of being down will always return.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the desire to feel good and to do so by finding things outside myself is me running away from my problems and not wanting to face myself and walk through the feeling of being down.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only method that is effective with dealing with a feeling of being down is to actually  find the reason - within myself - why I created this feeling and how I did so.

I commit myself to stop wanting to "uplift" myself from a feeling of being down by finding things outside myself. Instead I realize that to deal with problems within me I need to investigate the reasons why and how I created the feeling of being down in the first place and then stop it

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for what is happening inside myself and not find things outside myself to run away from that responsibility

I commit myself to stop suppressing what I feel - instead I face the points within me

I commit myself to stop the belief and idea that I am able to get myself out from feeling down by doing something fun - instead I realize that If I did not in fact direct the point the all I and doing is avoiding and suppressing the point of feeling down 

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that – I cannot ‘run away’ from myself by suppressing the bad and running to the good, because I am ALWAYS HERE WITH ME! And so therefore, I commit myself to assist and support myself to no more run and hide in the good, but face the bad/negative within me – so that I can be stable, standing, here with me and learn to LIVE me, because how can I truly live as long as I always attempt/try to ‘run’?