Day 173 - When Happiness is Escaping Reality

 

This is a continuation and conclusion of the previous blog which you can easily access by clicking this link right here:  link

This is the self-forgiveness’s on the previous blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel good by looking at thing outside myself to make me feel good, because I feel down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need something outside myself to get me out of feeling down

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to, when I feel down - investigate the reason  why I feel down

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am the one who created/accepted and allowed the feeling of being down within me and I am responsible and thus that I am the only one who is able to clear myself from it / release it from within and as me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the need to feel good is to suppress the fact that I do not feel good.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I do go from a negative - feeling down/bad - to a positive - feeling good/happy - from a point of desiring to feel good: then I did not in fact deal with the feeling of being down. I did not in fact direct it and thus it is still existent within me and is the reason why the feeling of being down will always return.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the desire to feel good and to do so by finding things outside myself is me running away from my problems and not wanting to face myself and walk through the feeling of being down.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only method that is effective with dealing with a feeling of being down is to actually  find the reason - within myself - why I created this feeling and how I did so.

I commit myself to stop wanting to "uplift" myself from a feeling of being down by finding things outside myself. Instead I realize that to deal with problems within me I need to investigate the reasons why and how I created the feeling of being down in the first place and then stop it

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for what is happening inside myself and not find things outside myself to run away from that responsibility

I commit myself to stop suppressing what I feel - instead I face the points within me

I commit myself to stop the belief and idea that I am able to get myself out from feeling down by doing something fun - instead I realize that If I did not in fact direct the point the all I and doing is avoiding and suppressing the point of feeling down 

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that – I cannot ‘run away’ from myself by suppressing the bad and running to the good, because I am ALWAYS HERE WITH ME! And so therefore, I commit myself to assist and support myself to no more run and hide in the good, but face the bad/negative within me – so that I can be stable, standing, here with me and learn to LIVE me, because how can I truly live as long as I always attempt/try to ‘run’?

Day 170 - Finding things to make you Happy

 

Life is full of ups and downs. You must look hard and find the things in life that makes you feel good. Do all you can to feel good -but what does this really imply?

If you want to feel good then it means you feel bad/down. Then what we do is look for things to make us happy and then we are happy for a little while then we feel down again. This roller-coaster ride is not the way to go through life and very impractical.

What I have found a while ago was that I was looking for things to do - specifically something I like and enjoy. I would either watch a cool series or movie or play a game or find something outside to do. When I was done with a movie or a series I noticed that I was feeling down - at the time I did not realize this - especially when there is nothing to watch or do that I like. Basically what was happening was that I experienced myself as being down and instead of investigating the reason WHY I was feeling down what I did was look for something OUTSIDE myself to get me out of that feeling - from a negative to a positive.

What this showed me is that I was suppressing what I felt and hiding it with doing things that I like. Now I am not saying it is "wrong" or that you should not do things that you like - its cool to do so - but it is all about the starting point/reason behind what I am doing.

I am the one who created that feeling of "being down", I created that experience within myself. Within this I am the one responsible for it and thus cannot blame anything outside myself for its existence within me. The same goes for finding things OUTSIDE myself to get me out of that down feeling - this will never work. It works for a little while, but not really because what is happening is that the feeling is simply suppressed - that is why it will keep on coming back and you will keep on feeling the need to make yourself happy.

I created it - I am responsible. The only way to get yourself out of that feeling of being down is to investigate how you created it in the first place. Then forgive yourself for creating it and walk a commitment to stop creating it. That is what the Desteni process is - it is about you taking responsibility for yourself. Giving yourself the power of creation where instead of creating these feelings that bring you down and limit you you have the opportunity to make and shape yourself into a effective living human beings where you are the directive principle in your life. Join us. www.desteni.org

Day 140 - Pain and Discomfort Letting you Down?

 

I have had stomach problems for a long time now, went to the doctor a month ago and said i might have an infection. After the medication it showed i did not have an infection and the next step is to stick a camera up there to see what is happening. Im really not looking forward to this.

The last six month with my stomach problems has gotten to me - meaning i am allowing myself to become more sad, irritated and angry. This problem I have is not going away. The backchat about it is accumulating and im not stopping it and breathing which is why im getting sad, irritated and angry.

Now i will write it out of me so that I can stop this from happening, stop being overwhelmed by my condition whatever it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, because of the pain and discomfort i feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated, because of how i feel physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad and depressed, because my stomach problems are not going away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become affected and directed by how I feel physically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my anger to lash out and take it out on other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my anger to have backchat about things and think about situations where i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become less effective, because i allowed the pain and discomfort to influence who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push through the feeling of wanting to give up and give into the discomfort and pain - instead of pushing through.

I commit myself to stop being angry, because of the discomfort i feel - and to instead breath and stop the anger

I commit myself to stop being irritated, because of the discomfort I feel - and to instead breath and stop the irritated

I commit myself to stop being sad, because of the discomfort I feel - and to instead breath and stop the sadness

I commit myself to stop being directed by how i feel physically in terms of being emotionally directed - and to instead not be directed by how i feel.

I commit myself to stop the the backchat and not to continue and keep on fueling it.

I commit myself to stay consistent

I commit myself to stop lashing out and taking my anger out on people, instead I stop the anger and backchat and make sure that when I speak to people i am clear within myself

Day 104 - Time, Irritability and expectations

 

Over the last few days since my last blog I haven't yet written a blog. I didn't ant to write something, because I thought I did not make any progress. I had an expectation that my stomach problem would be better right away and because it was not better I had the belief that i failed so i was pretty much moping the last few days. 

I had a closer look at myself and my actions and what I have notices is that I have become more aware of myself. I would see myself walking fast - then stop and walk slow. I would see myself becoming tense  - then slow down and breath. Irritated I stop it breathe and slow down.

So i did not fail - I have in fact made progress. I have been hard myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation on how fast my problem will solve it self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that just because i did not met my expectation then it means i did something wrong and I failed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living up to peoples expectations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disappointed with myself, because  did not meet my expectations

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that things take time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i did in fact make progress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look past the progress i have made, because I believed it was not enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so hard on myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I create more anxiety when I do not meet my expectations and believed i have failed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the idea of time, the belief that things must not take time - it should be very fast - not realizing that things do take time.

I commit myself to stop creating expectations

I commit myself to stop the belief that if something takes long I must be doming something wrong - instead I realize that things do take time

I commit myself to being disappointed with myself - instead I realize that i can only be disappointed if i created an expectation or if i did not do something to the best of my ability - in that case i realize the mistake and move on

I commit myself to stop the fear of not being able to live up to peoples expectations - instead i  realize its my expectations.

I commit myself to stop being hard on myself - instead i take note of my progress and make sure i do not beat myself up when I make mistakes

I commit myself to not allow something like disappointment and failures to bring me down and make me inconsistent - instead I push though the point here now and not postpone. I realize that ill walk through the point anyway so i might as well do it now.

Journey to life Day 44 - The ''Depressed'' Character

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to become the depressed character when things don't go my way

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to within this cha racter become ineffective in what im doing and cant seem to do anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to within this character become tides and want to sleep all the time and to see the world as not a place i want to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to within this character see myself as the victim and believe that something was done unto me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to use this character as an excuse for not doing all that needs to be done

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed to realize that i created this character - and then within that I made myself the victim

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed to realize that i have been using this character as an perfect excuse for not doing anything

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed to realize the true reason for this character which is me not wanting to do anything and take self responsibility - and it is me blaming the world which is actually all to do with me since i created this character

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to believe that this character is real and that it has power over me and that I have no choice but to give into thus character

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed to see that this character is not real and in that I have the power to delete this character

I commit myself to stop the depressed character

I commit myself to be self directed and to not allow anything outside myself to direct me and who I am

I commit myself to realize that i created this character as an excuse for not standing and thus I delete this character

I commit myself to not allow myself to become ineffective but to consistent

I commit myself to stop the tiredness when things gets too much - because i see its me facing resistance so I push through and overcome it

I commit myself to stop seeing myself as the victim but to instead see that i created this character and so take self responsibility and delete it

I commit myself to not allow any excuse for not taking self responsibility and to stand consistently