Day 173 - When Happiness is Escaping Reality

 

This is a continuation and conclusion of the previous blog which you can easily access by clicking this link right here:  link

This is the self-forgiveness’s on the previous blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel good by looking at thing outside myself to make me feel good, because I feel down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need something outside myself to get me out of feeling down

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to, when I feel down - investigate the reason  why I feel down

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am the one who created/accepted and allowed the feeling of being down within me and I am responsible and thus that I am the only one who is able to clear myself from it / release it from within and as me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the need to feel good is to suppress the fact that I do not feel good.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I do go from a negative - feeling down/bad - to a positive - feeling good/happy - from a point of desiring to feel good: then I did not in fact deal with the feeling of being down. I did not in fact direct it and thus it is still existent within me and is the reason why the feeling of being down will always return.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the desire to feel good and to do so by finding things outside myself is me running away from my problems and not wanting to face myself and walk through the feeling of being down.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only method that is effective with dealing with a feeling of being down is to actually  find the reason - within myself - why I created this feeling and how I did so.

I commit myself to stop wanting to "uplift" myself from a feeling of being down by finding things outside myself. Instead I realize that to deal with problems within me I need to investigate the reasons why and how I created the feeling of being down in the first place and then stop it

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for what is happening inside myself and not find things outside myself to run away from that responsibility

I commit myself to stop suppressing what I feel - instead I face the points within me

I commit myself to stop the belief and idea that I am able to get myself out from feeling down by doing something fun - instead I realize that If I did not in fact direct the point the all I and doing is avoiding and suppressing the point of feeling down 

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that – I cannot ‘run away’ from myself by suppressing the bad and running to the good, because I am ALWAYS HERE WITH ME! And so therefore, I commit myself to assist and support myself to no more run and hide in the good, but face the bad/negative within me – so that I can be stable, standing, here with me and learn to LIVE me, because how can I truly live as long as I always attempt/try to ‘run’?

Day 59 - The 'I Give Up' Character

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the I give up character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when trying for a while to do something to then give up, because I believe I cannot do it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that trying for a while and to see it as too long is a belief I created based on my expectations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up when something becomes too difficult and it seems I'm not getting anywhere

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up because it is easier to give up than pushing and pulling through

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if i see something as difficult it is based on my own beliefs and ideas i created through my experiences in the past and that something is only as difficult as i make it out to be

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i create the point of giving up and that it is not because of something that is happening to me, but it is a choice i made to give up on myself and what i am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use giving up as an excuse to pursue my dreams, because if i give up on this difficult process I can leave it all behind and do all the things i always wanted to do and live a life based on self interest like the rest of the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate a feel good feeling whe n thinking of giving up as a further support in my decision to give up and to justify giving up and pursue my dreams - not realizing that i create this feel good feeling so that I can feel as if my decision to give up is the right one

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if i do give up all im doing which is dedicating my life so that i can assist in the creation of a world where all are free - then i give permission for this world of abuse and suffering to continue and in that allow it to exist and in that actually create the abuse and suffering in this world

I commit myself to delete the I give up character

I commit myself to keep on doing when I've been at a particular task for long and to do it to the best of my ability so that i can be sure if im able to do something or not

I commit myself to delete all my expectations of how long something should take and to realize that my mind cannot predict actual space-time of this physical reality and points emerge that could not be predicted and sometimes something takes longer

I commit myself to keep on pushing through when something gets too difficult and to realize that i created the idea of something being difficult

I commit myself to realize that easy and difficult is irrelevant - its about what needs to be done and doing it no matter what

I commit myself to realize that i created the point of giving up

I commit myself to realize that me wanting to give up is an excuse to leave what im doing to pursue my dreams 

I commit myself to stop the feel good feeling when thinking of giving up and to realize that it is me reinforcing my decision to give up and to make the choice an easy one and to see it as the 'right 'choice and to justify me giving up

I commit myself to realize the importance of what i am doing and the responsibility i took on when i made the choice to stand for and as life - and to realize the consequences of giving up on what i am doing which is simple: the suffering and abuse in this world will continue if nobody stops it