Day 305 - You really cannot Save This World

Nope, That is Impossible.

But There is something else you can do - have a listen.










www.desteni.org

When Habits are all you are

 

I did vlog touching on this point and today I am going to explain it a bit more. I am letting go of being the “silent type” by speaking more and doing vlogs helped with that. When I took a break from the vlogs I noticed that I fell back into that pattern/habit of being a silent type. So what I realized is that all these characters we create within ourselves – the angry type, sad type, irritated, mean, spiteful – all these characters are actually habits.

These habits become part of who we are and we define ourselves by it. This is one of the reasons why change is so difficult, because you are stopping a habit. And it is very easy to fall back into the habit than to stop it. Thus far I have made progress – I do not mumble anymore and I make sure my words are clear although there are times when it is not clear.

This can applied to any self-change. You decide to stop the particular pattern/habit like getting angry easily or being very judgmental. There is resistance that comes up within you when you stop a habit and that is because you are busy changing yourself – you are stopping something that you have lived for a long time and made part of who you are. It takes time, but the important thing here is to not give in/give up. It is very easy to fall back in the habit/pattern , because that is how you have lived. To change it means living something new – something you have not yet lived. It is a self-directive decision to stop habits.

Now the question is of everything of who you are what is a habit/pattern and what is something you direct? Is everything you do a self-directive action or are you simply following a design? Why do we allow ourselves to be directed by habits/patterns? Would it not be a better way of living if all of who you are is self-directive? This is one of the things the Desteni Process is all about – it is ALL about YOU. YOU changing YOURSELF to be an effective living being. Join in and take part.

Day 155 - Future Projection

 

Winter is coming. The nights are getting colder and the early morning have a bite about them. Rain is getting less and trees are getting ready for their long sleep by shedding their leaves as the wind brush beside them.

On the farm winter means dry season and dry season means fire season. With the frost and cold that kills and the rain that deprives the grass - the fields get very dry, creating perfect fuel for fire. Each farm has the responsibility for making their own fire breaks - that is when you burn the grass along your borders to prevent a fire from jumping from one farm to another. Winter also means preparing fruit trees so that they are protected from the frost and cold. It’s time for winter preparations to begin.

When I was looking at this I went into anxiety and started to worry and the usual suspects made an appearance: Time - what if we do not make it in time and the farm burns down and the fruit trees dies. Rushing - We must hurry to make sure  we get it in time and now the one I am writing about: Future Projection.

What I did was go into my mind and thinking about winter and all the things we need to do, because we only have 1 month ‘till June and so went into anxiety. Yes, I even forgot for a moment there was a May still coming before we get to June. When I realized my error I was relieved.

What I should have done is look at things for what they are - meaning that instead of thinking about the future and worrying about it I instead simply look at what we need to do in order to be prepared for the winter and estimate how much time we need to be done and get to it. Firstly giving us enough time take out the possibility that we won’t have enough and thus there is no rush.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future and my mind so much so that I left out an entire month

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain here in the moment when looking at things that needs to be done in the future.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at things for what they really are here in the physical, but to look at things from the mind which is not real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety when I looked at what we need to do to prepare for the winter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if we do not get all the preparations done in time the farm might be at a greater risk from fire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when the first cold nights came to go into a memory of ''time to get to fire breaks'' that had an energy attached to it of anxiety and when I accessed this memory I also accessed the anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remove this energetic attachment to the memory of anxiety so that it doesn't influence me anymore

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I give myself enough time do to things there will be no need  to rush and worry about time.

I commit myself to stop projecting myself into the future - instead I remain stable here in the moment when looking at things do to and prepare for in the future. Thus, utilizing future projection PRACTICALLY, through looking at what does need to be prepared for the coming winter, for example, assessing the time within that projection, as well as the responsibilities and then getting to it – no reactions required, only practical applications

I commit myself to look at things and situations for they really are and not influenced from my minds perspective

I commit myself to stop the automatic response of rushing when I see I have an important task ahead, instead I remain stable here and plan what needs to be done and then simply do it.

I commit myself to stop immediately looking at the worst case scenario - instead I realize that it’s from my worrying that I create the worst possible consequence.

I commit myself to stop the anxiety of worrying every time winter comes, instead I stop and breathe and realize that I have been through enough winters and know exactly what to do and how to do it and thus it’s pointless to worry about it and start trusting myself within this as I have proven this to myself over and over.

Day 120 - Loosing Focus

 

I am now on day 4 gluten free and have noticed another point. I have been loosing focus. Today I misplaced my cell-phone twice, i am forgetting things, missing things and have become less aware of my environment. Also broke a coffee cup.

Yes we all misplace things and drop things and forget things, but for me this is happening more than should. The past few days my stomach has become worse along with my back so I’ve been in a bit of pain and really tired of having this, I am sick and tired of having to go to the toilet at least 4 times a day. This is why im loosing focus, because I am distracting myself with my problems and fear that I will have to live like this for the rest of my life and i REALLY do not want that. My back problem is hindering my effectiveness, because I cant help out around the farm as much as I would like to.

My back problem is for another day another blog - for now i am writing  about loosing focus so that I can, in spite of my utter discomfort - not allow it to effect who i am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose focus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget things allot more than usual

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misplace objects by not being aware of myself when I put something down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be less aware of my environment and I miss things where I usually do not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my discomfort believe that going gluten free is pointless since there is no change

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there wont always be a change immediately and that it will take time

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be patient and always want to rush things and want things to go fast when in reality they do not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to to distract myself from what I do with the pain and discomfort I feel and to become less effective because of it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe through the discomfort and bring myself here so that i can be effective.

(Please note - if you are in consistent pain and discomfort that affects or impairs you go see a doctor)

I commit myself to focus on what is important and to make sure that I do not loose focus

I commit myself to when I do loose focus and start forgetting things/misplacing things to breathe and slow myself down

I commit myself to let go of my impatience and frustrations when I see no change with my stomach - instead I am patent/patience.

I commit myself to be aware of myself when drinking something so that I do not haste and allow the water to go down the wrong hole where I will cough my lungs out (might seem a bit random,but this just happened so i placed it in here)

I commit myself to not be affected and become less effective when faced with discomfort

I commit myself to be aware of myself and my environment and not to be lost in thought and feelings and emotions where i will miss the world around me and important things might slip through and lead to unwanted consequences

I commit myself to realize that this will take time - and keep the 1 week  gluten free commitment.

Day 107 - Why am I doing what I'm Doing?

Today I am looking at Why am doing what I do - specifically related to writing, music and farm.
The first thing that came up was another question - for who am i doing this? For who do i write music and these blogs? And the answer - for others.
I am wring to assist people who face similar problems as to give them clarity. I write music for  the same reason and so that others can hear and see a point they didn't knew existed or how. I Also with farm activities like planting trees - I'm planting and watering the tree so that it can grow. I'm cutting the grass so that the horses can eat and have nice soft beds to sleep. Lots of examples, but did not see any problem with this  until now.
And for a while it was foe for me to live like this, unfortunately i missed a crucial point within all I do - ME.
I'm still living my life ignoring myself and placing others as more important than me. so much so that I completely disregard myself when doing something like writing. This is My journey to life - yes my writings may assist some as that is in part why i post it online. But I should write for myself - otherwise if i write for others this becomes very difficult
When planting a tree who am i within it? I enjoy farm activities like working with fruit trees, but because i do not consider myself, meaning I am not aware of myself when planting trees then Its like work-  I miss out.
Same with music - it has become difficult to get a song out - because I ''forgot'' about myself. I worry about what others will think about the song and how they will judge the song. What happens then is that making music becomes a chore and my effectiveness is reduced. I should be writing musing for myself - then its fun and allot easier.
yesterday i wrote a bit on anger - constantly dedicating yourself for others only can become frustrating and is also very limited depending how effective you are. What mean by that is If i do not work for myself and do things for myself as well as others then I will be limited to who i am now. Also i will miss out of life. 
Stay tuned for the next episode featuring exclusively - all about self consideration and stopping limitation - right here tomorrow. Thanks for reading 

Day 104 - Time, Irritability and expectations

 

Over the last few days since my last blog I haven't yet written a blog. I didn't ant to write something, because I thought I did not make any progress. I had an expectation that my stomach problem would be better right away and because it was not better I had the belief that i failed so i was pretty much moping the last few days. 

I had a closer look at myself and my actions and what I have notices is that I have become more aware of myself. I would see myself walking fast - then stop and walk slow. I would see myself becoming tense  - then slow down and breath. Irritated I stop it breathe and slow down.

So i did not fail - I have in fact made progress. I have been hard myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation on how fast my problem will solve it self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that just because i did not met my expectation then it means i did something wrong and I failed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living up to peoples expectations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disappointed with myself, because  did not meet my expectations

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that things take time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i did in fact make progress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look past the progress i have made, because I believed it was not enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so hard on myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I create more anxiety when I do not meet my expectations and believed i have failed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the idea of time, the belief that things must not take time - it should be very fast - not realizing that things do take time.

I commit myself to stop creating expectations

I commit myself to stop the belief that if something takes long I must be doming something wrong - instead I realize that things do take time

I commit myself to being disappointed with myself - instead I realize that i can only be disappointed if i created an expectation or if i did not do something to the best of my ability - in that case i realize the mistake and move on

I commit myself to stop the fear of not being able to live up to peoples expectations - instead i  realize its my expectations.

I commit myself to stop being hard on myself - instead i take note of my progress and make sure i do not beat myself up when I make mistakes

I commit myself to not allow something like disappointment and failures to bring me down and make me inconsistent - instead I push though the point here now and not postpone. I realize that ill walk through the point anyway so i might as well do it now.

Day 89 - Self Doubt Character

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the self doubt character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this character when i am faced with a new task that I have not done before

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough to do this task even before I attempt to do it - and to hen in this believe and judgement to then not do the task

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself that chance to proof to myself if I am able to do a new task or not and to rather choose to give up than pushing though

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake when doing a project that I have not done yet - and to first go into self doubt and worry, believing that I will screw it up.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to develop self trust within what I do

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that not knowing how to do a project is ok and that with proper research  I can teach myself the how to so there is no need for the automatic self doubt and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am not a confident person and that is how I am/my personality - not realizing that it is a limitation and an excuse for me not to become effective 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that each new point/task that I face is an opportunity for me to expand myself and to learn more about myself and to become more  effective 

I commit myself to stop the self doubt character and to realize that with proper research  I can teach myself the how to

I commit myself to stop using character when facing a new task

I commit myself to stop judging myself as not being good enough and to realize that it is a believe that i have created and is not real, because i determine how good/effective i am and can only do so once I actually do the project to the best of my ability and more.

I commit myself to give myself the change to proof to myself whether  or not I am able to do the task

I commit myself to stop fearing making mistakes and to realize that its through mistakes and learning from them where i become more effective

I commit myself to trust myself and not to give in to self doubt and give up

I commit myself to stop the belief that i am not a confident person and that is just who I am - and to realize that its an excuse and limitation and with self trust I can become confidence

I Commit myself to embrace new task and to see them as an opportunity for me to expand myself and to learn more about myself and to become more  effective 

Day 77 - Using Religion to justify this world

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use religion to justify myself and all of the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use religion to justify war, poverty slavery and all abuse saying that it is part of gods plan and that cannot change or question gods plan

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to use religion as a justification and excuse for me not doing anything to change the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not finding a reason why all the suffering exist in the world - because then it would invalidate my beliefs and proof that my beliefs are not real so i keep on justifying the world no matter what

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I have to keep on finding proof and reasons why my belief is real and if i have to keep justifying it then that alone shows me that my beliefs are not real

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that justification is an excuse - that i have never looked back at history to see that religion has been used countless time to justify wars, slavery, torture, mass murders and other abuse in the name of god

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to this abuse so strongly that i will even justify rape by saying that it is a blessing from god - instead of realizing that it is the evil of man and the world that WE have created

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on on my beliefs so strongly that i cannot see common sense - that if I cannot find a reason for something to exist i would just say that it is part of gods plan just so that i can continue my beliefs - not realizing that If rape, murder, poverty and great suffering is part of gods plan then this is a really evil plan -

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize if i do not question gods plan then i accept gods plan and then I also accept all the suffering and abuse of this world - and in this i will do nothing to change it - i will do nothing to end the suffering and the abuse because i agree with it. And so i am trapped by my religion as the perfect excuse not do anything.

I commit myself to stop justifying my action when i clearly see that what i am doing is not what is best for all beings, but that i am only acting based on self interest .

I commit myself to stop trying to justify the abuse and suffering in the world like war. poverty, rape, slavery etc, and to realize that I am using this to justify my beliefs

I commit myself to stop saying that all the suffering and abuse is part of gods plan and to realize that i am using this as an excuse for me not to have change the world - and to stop agreeing with gods plan by not accepting and allowing this world the way it is - and to instead find ways to end all suffering and abuse

I commit myself to to stop deliberately ignoring common sense - when i see my beliefs don't make sense to not keep on justifying it 

I commit myself to to realize that religion has been used in the past to justify countless suffering and that i am doing the same here now

I commit myself to to stop the fear of letting go of my beliefs and to see the common sense that what i believe on doesn't make sense and holds no real solution to the problems on earth, but instead it gives permission for the problems to continue

I commit myself to stop justifying the unjustifiable and to let go of all beliefs that allow the world to continue the way it does - but to instead se that there is a real problem on earth that must be sorted out and so i dedicate my life to find the solutions to the problems on earth that are permanent

 

(permanent solution here: www.equalmoney.org - join in with the discussions and add your input on how you would like the world to be instead)