Day 83 - Fearing making mistakes

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by this fear that it determines my life and the choices I make where I have no self direction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when facing a new project to first go into fear of making a mistake and then go into resistance and not wanting to do the project

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when people ask me for assistance to go into fear, because I fear making a mistake and not being able to assist them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in this fear of making mistake to avoid assist people so that I can all together avoid making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being dependable when not being able to assist someone if I make a mistake

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i will make mistakes and there is no avoiding it and thus no point to fear it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to when i make a mistake to judge myself as not being good enough and go into a state of being angry at myself and to see myself as useless

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is through learning about mu mistakes that I become more effective  and i keep on avoiding them them i will not progress

I commit myself to stop fearing making mistakes

I commit myself stop allowing to be directed by this fear of making mistakes that I will avoid situations where I will make mistakes

I commit myself to when facing a new project to not allow the fear of making mistakes, but to instead do it anyway

I commit myself to when someone asks me for assistance to not allow the fear of making mistakes to keep me from doing by best to assist them - and if i do make a mistake to not see myself as being undependable

I commit myself to when I make mistakes to not judge myself as being useless and not get angry at myself - instead i realize that mistake and leant from it so that i do not make the same mistake twice

I commit myself to realize that if I avoid mistakes I will not learn anything and stay stuck and never become more effective - so mistakes are cool - as long as i learn from them

Day 82 - Fear of Authority

 

Today's authority im looking at police. I fear the police. There has been many stories of crooked cops and corruption and wrongful arrests. When i drive around town and se a cop car i react with fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the police 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when i am driving and see a cop car to react in fear - because I fear I am doing something wrong and they might arrest me even though i am not doing anything wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being wrongfully arrested and taken to prison where I will stay and rot for something I did not do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that a corrupted cop will arrest me or that a ineffective cop will accidentally shoot me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear authority and to see authority as something final and powerful where I do not have any power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read a story of how trigger happy cops shoot on site and do not follow protocol and then try to cover it up and then fear that happening to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I see the police to bring up all these fears at once and then go into a state of fear and powerlessness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word authority to the feeling of powerless and fear - and when there are people in my life that I deem as being authority I then activate the feeling of being powerless and going into a state of fear

I commit myself to stop my fear of the police

I commit myself to when i see a police car when driving to not react in fear of being arrested of doing something wrong - and to realize that I am not doing anything illegal and thus will not be arrested

I commit myself to stop the fear of being wrongfully arrested and rotting in jail due to corrupted cops or being accidentally  shot by ineffective police

I commit myself to stop fearing  authority and to stop seeing it as having power over me and to believe that I am powerless in the face of authority

I commit myself to stop the fear of being the victim of a cover-up shooting by corrupted cops

I commit myself to realize that i have been taught to fear authority from when i was a kid - I was told to fear god so that I can behave - i was told to fear the principle in school because he has the power to expel me - I was told to respect the authority because if i do not then my will be hell - in other words I must fear the authority. So now i stop this belief and the fear i have of authority

I commit myself to realize that behaving because i fear the consequences does not make me a good person but it makes me deceitful - i do for another what id like to be done for me

I commit myself to no more link authority with fear and feeling powerless - but to instead live my life being consistent  in every situation  and fear authority is useless and only affects me 

Day 81 - Im Doing the Best i can - part two

 

This a continuation of my previous blog http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-79-i-doing-best-i-can.html

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am doing the best I can in what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and to justify my limitations by saying I did the best I can

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to find ways for me to be more effective with everything I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when doing a project and people judging it as not good enough to then say that i did the best U can even though i know I could have done better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ''i did the best i can - as an excuse to justify my actions

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to defend myself and my actions by saying i did the best i can - so that i do not have to take self responsibility

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to take self responsibility for my actions - and to instead use any way I can to justify what I did

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I do not find ways to become more effective in what I do then I will always be the same and there will be no change in my effectiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change and become more effective and take on more responsibility  - because i fear i will not be able to handle it and screw it up

I commit myself to let go of the believe that i am doing the best i can - and to instead find ways to become more effective in what I do

I commit myself to stop limiting myself by justifying my actions by saying im doing the best i can

I commit myself to do a project to the best of my ability - and when someone says that it is not good enough and i can do better - then stop the backchat and to look at how i can improve myself to be more effective within this project

I commit myself to stop defending myself and my actions and thus abdicating my responsibility by saying i could no do better

I commit myself to stop allowing fear to dictate my actions and who i am and to become self directive

I commit myself to become self responsible for everything I do and to stop the fear that I will not be able to handle it and screw it up - instead I realize that's its an excuse

Day 80 - Expectations And Heated Arguments

 

Today I presented an idea I had - i was expecting a good response from the idea, but instead i got a negative response which made me angry and resulted in an argument

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation of a good response on the idea that i presented

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when I got an opposite response to what I was expecting

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get consumed by this anger and to become directed by it and started to argue about the point

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to out of my expectation to defend my idea to force a good response from the other person

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations in my life based on my ideas and  beliefs - not realizing that the mind creates expectations and that the physical does not work out the same as I expect it to

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to keep on defending and justifying my idea and try to CONvince the other person that they are wrong an that i am right

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in this point of wanting to be right and defensive to try and make myself as knowing better that the other person and make them to be inferior to my knowledge of the point as to invalidate them so that i can win

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i am being directed by emotions and that my words and actions in this possessive state is not my own

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to defend my idea because I fear it being a stupid idea and being ridiculed - and to keep this fear at bay I go through all this trouble above - instead of realizing that i am not being self directed if I allow fear to  direct me

I commit myself to stop all expectations 

I commit myself to stop being directed by the anger - but to stop it instead so that I can be self directed

I commit myself to not become angry when something happens that i did not consider - and when i get angry I stop the anger before speaking another word - because then it is not me

I commit myself to stop trying to defend my ideas, but to rather explain the idea more effectively  and if it is not practical or doable to then simply let it go

I commit myself to stop trying to convince others that i am right - and to stop trying and invalidate the other person and bring them down and make them inferior just so that I can be right  - if I am absolutely right then there will be no need to convince the other person

I commit myself to stop the fear of having a stupid idea and being ridiculed - but to instead see it as an opportunity  to expand myself and become more effective when i get feedback from others  - without feedback i will not be able to become more effective in what i do

Day 79 - I'm Doing the best I can

 

Since being on the farm we have worked on many projects - and within those projects you leant a great deal about yourself - you can see how much work has been put into a certain project and depending on how effective the project is when its done reflects on the person.

Its really awesome to do something physically yourself - like fencing or building a nursery and laying down a concrete floor - its stays there for a very long time. You can look back and say to yourself '' I did that''. And with every project I did I always looked to become more effective so that when i do this particular project again - i will do it better. And with lots of practice, research and assistance i found better and more effective ways to do things.

Every time When i was finished with project I told myself i did the best i can, but i did it better the next time - so then ''doing the best I can'' got better, which indicated that 'my best' back then was not in fact my best. At the moment with I my knowledge and ability that i had it was the best i could do - but i also had the ability to do better and i proofed it later

The point im making here is that when someone say that they are doing the best they can it is usually related to a point they did and did not do good enough. So they get defensive and try to justify their limitations by saying:'' I DOING THE BEST I CAN!!!'' . I had a few projects where i did not in fact do the best I can where I believed I did,  and then someone would bring the point out and after being pissed of and throwing tantrums to try defend and justify my work i then did realize I was slacking. 

I remember a time when we started closing a hole in our dam wall so that we can have a dam with lots of water  - we had to take wheelbarrows of sand bags and loose sand to the wall which was very difficult. The hole in the wall was  about 2 meters  wide and 4 meters long( this is an estimation - thickness of the dam wall). We only closed it up about a third of the hole - it was a shit of sand and bags to do that and i thought that was good enough  - it will hold. A while after that the flood rains came and the bags were not nearly enough to hold the pressure of the water in the dam so it broke and got washed away - loosing all the water in the dam.

I really felt like shit - the first sign that i did not actually do the best i could - because if I did I would not feel like shit. That is where I learnt about consequences - that when working n the physical you can see in real time the consequences of your actions - I learnt that my actions have REAL CONSEQUESNCES so i saw the reason why you should do things PROPERLY - rather make sure by doing MORE instead of risking not doing enough - no matter how i feel about it.

You do it once and proper so that you don't have to do it again. (We did then later fill that hole completely and hammered in steel rods. Then we even made the wall thicker with more bags to ensure it hold the water and not break.)

 

It is to do the best you can - to the best of your ability and then to find way to improve your best so that you can become more and more effective so that the ability gets better and better. Do not accept that you are doing your best - do better every time 

 

Learn to become and effective human being - www.desteniiprocess.com

Join others in the quest of becoming effective: www.desteni.org

Lets create a world that is effective : www.equalmoney.org

Day 78 - Evil is just a part of the world

 

I was reading in a magazine where they had a section how to tell children that bad people are not cool. And one thing that was written down was to tell children that evil is just a part of the world - and that there cannot be good people if evil did not exist. Saying this to children is saying that evil is an acceptable part of life - that bad people must exist so ''don't worry about it children its just part of life''. That is really messed up - teaching children that they do not have to bother finding solutions, because evil is acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that  bad people is just a part of this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that evil is just a part of the world and how life is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at evil and not want to see it and hide form it-  because it reminds me of myself as the evil also exist within me as with everybody

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this part of life so that I do not have to do anything to change it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a good person to fear evil - and out of this fear teach my children to stay away and tell them its part of life and there's nothing you can do to change it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that being good and believing myself to be good - Then evil must exist and so being good I accept the evil in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify all the bad and evil in this world by saying without it good cannot exist - and although this statement of polarity is true - I forgive myself that I have accented and allowed good and evil to be a part of life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that good and evil is not required or necessary in this world - that they are both sides of the same coin - that evil fuels good and god fuels evil in a never ending cycle and to stop the cycle i must first start within myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the polarity of good and evil and to instead direct myself with common sense to do what is best for all

I commit myself to not accept and allow evil as abuse and suffering to exist in this world and to believe it as part of life

I commit myself to stop justifying the abuse and suffering  in this world by believing it as part if life

I commit myself to to stop the polarity creation of good and evil and to instead use common sense and what's best for all to dictate

I commit myself to stop making excuses so that I can ignore all the bad things in life and not do anything about it - but to instead look right at it and find the cause for its existence and find solutions to end the abuse and suffering 

I commit myself to stop fearing evil and to realize that the evil exist within myself as well as the belief that i am good - and to instead direct myself and not be directed by fear so that i do not teach other fear

I commit myself to dedicate my life to not look away from fear and evil - but to stop it within myself and others by teaching others the same

Day 77 - Using Religion to justify this world

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use religion to justify myself and all of the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use religion to justify war, poverty slavery and all abuse saying that it is part of gods plan and that cannot change or question gods plan

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to use religion as a justification and excuse for me not doing anything to change the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not finding a reason why all the suffering exist in the world - because then it would invalidate my beliefs and proof that my beliefs are not real so i keep on justifying the world no matter what

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I have to keep on finding proof and reasons why my belief is real and if i have to keep justifying it then that alone shows me that my beliefs are not real

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that justification is an excuse - that i have never looked back at history to see that religion has been used countless time to justify wars, slavery, torture, mass murders and other abuse in the name of god

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to this abuse so strongly that i will even justify rape by saying that it is a blessing from god - instead of realizing that it is the evil of man and the world that WE have created

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on on my beliefs so strongly that i cannot see common sense - that if I cannot find a reason for something to exist i would just say that it is part of gods plan just so that i can continue my beliefs - not realizing that If rape, murder, poverty and great suffering is part of gods plan then this is a really evil plan -

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize if i do not question gods plan then i accept gods plan and then I also accept all the suffering and abuse of this world - and in this i will do nothing to change it - i will do nothing to end the suffering and the abuse because i agree with it. And so i am trapped by my religion as the perfect excuse not do anything.

I commit myself to stop justifying my action when i clearly see that what i am doing is not what is best for all beings, but that i am only acting based on self interest .

I commit myself to stop trying to justify the abuse and suffering in the world like war. poverty, rape, slavery etc, and to realize that I am using this to justify my beliefs

I commit myself to stop saying that all the suffering and abuse is part of gods plan and to realize that i am using this as an excuse for me not to have change the world - and to stop agreeing with gods plan by not accepting and allowing this world the way it is - and to instead find ways to end all suffering and abuse

I commit myself to to stop deliberately ignoring common sense - when i see my beliefs don't make sense to not keep on justifying it 

I commit myself to to realize that religion has been used in the past to justify countless suffering and that i am doing the same here now

I commit myself to to stop the fear of letting go of my beliefs and to see the common sense that what i believe on doesn't make sense and holds no real solution to the problems on earth, but instead it gives permission for the problems to continue

I commit myself to stop justifying the unjustifiable and to let go of all beliefs that allow the world to continue the way it does - but to instead se that there is a real problem on earth that must be sorted out and so i dedicate my life to find the solutions to the problems on earth that are permanent

 

(permanent solution here: www.equalmoney.org - join in with the discussions and add your input on how you would like the world to be instead)

Day 76 -Rape a Blessing - Using Religion to Justify RAPE in this World

Sharon Barnes, a high ranking state Republican touched the subject of rape saying that being raped and getting a child from that rape is God blessing them.
Religion has for a long time now found many ways to justify the world and their beliefs. If god is the creator of everything in this world then he also Created Rape. So now the Christians have to find an answer to why would God create and allow rape in this world? Simply by saying that getting raped and pregnant from that rape is god blessing you with a child - so what you are saying is that god created rape so that some woman can get pregnant? This is very delusional and those who believe this should be diagnosed for mental disorders.
You cannot justify rape - religion have found ways to justify the unjustifiable, Because if they cannot justify something then that would go against what they believe. They cannot continue their beliefs unless they can find ways to justify everything in this world - all the bad shit. If there is no explanation then its ''part of Gods Plan''. This is very infuriating and unacceptable behavior and here is why: It gives then a perfect excuse not to do anything about it.
That is the pinnacle of all religions - To justify your actions ad the worlds actions and all the bad shit that's in this world so that you wont have to lift a finger to change it or do something about it. All that is needed to say is that it is gods plan - and i as a mere mortal may not interFEAR with Gods plan. Yes i typed interFEAR, because all Christians fear god. If you are a God-fearing man - you are a good Christian. And it is that fear why the world is in such a bad state. It is that inner fear that makes you not want to interfere with the problems like rape, but to instead find a way to make sure you wont have to do anything about it.
And so nobody interferes - the world is  allowed to continue the way it does because nobody is doing anything about it. Christians would say have faith and believe and pray for a better world. Its in Gods hands now - I cannot question gods plan. It is really messed up. So if you really have a deeper look at the whole point - the world is the way it is BECAUSE of religion.
If we had no religion - if we had common sense we would have such a better world to live ib - because then we cant abdicate OUR responsibility and hope and pray the world gets better and instead take matters into our own hands and realize that if i sit and pray and do nothing but that then nothing will happen. Its common sense that people need food to live and houses to live. They cannot survive with only books. Its utter stupidity to spend resources on bibles for the poor - rather give them food. That is common sense - but we do not have common sense.
Its up to us. If we do not do anything then nothing will happen. More on this tomorrow

Day 75 - I must be the Best!

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be the best and a head above the rest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should do everything I can to be better than everybody else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in this belief walk over others and used them for my own personal gain so that i can become better than them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i must compete with others so that I can survive in this world - and to better survive I should be better than everybody else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into this idea of competition and that it is necessary and the only way to survive in this world

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the consequences of my actions and wanting to be the best and better than others will never bring equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted not and allowed myself to realize that if I believe I should be better than others and everybody else believes they should be better than everybody else - then we create a world where competition rules as every man for himself - which is what we have today

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that competition breeds self interest where i am only focusing on myself - and in this I ignore the world around me, because in order to be the best I must walk over people

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I was taught  how to compete and chose it as who I am - and just as I have accepted this within myself I can not stop this within myself and realize that i do not need to compete to survive - that survival should not be a problem within this world

 

I commit myself to stop the belief that i must be the best in order to survive

I commit myself to no anymore dedicate my life to be a head above the rest as I was taught by the world

I commit myself to realize the consequences of wanting to be better than others - that it is based on self interest and disregarding others - that I will never find solutions to assist and support others because i want to be better than them and in this equality cannot exist

I commit myself to realize that If everybody want to better than everybody we will continue the path of this world and never bring the change that is needed for a world of equality where everybody wins

I commit myself to stop competing with others to be better than them - but to instead find the solutions needed for a quality life for all to exist

I commit myself to stop competing with others to boost my ego

I commit myself to give up the  illusion of power that comes with being the best - to stop the survival game  - but to instead start living and dedicate my life so that others can also live

Day 74 - Why should I When nobody else will!

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the character '' why should I when nobody else will''

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call upon this character when i am faced with a point that I do not want to do

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to rea lize that i use this character as an excuse not do something I do not want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call upon this character when I look at the state the world is in to use it as an excuse not to do anything about this world, because nobody else will then why should i

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this character when presented with a solution for most of the problems on earth to not support it because I believe that nobody else will so why should I - not realizing that I am using it as an excuse not to do anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this character when i see there is a rock in the path where many people will walk - And not move it out of the way so that nobody can get hurt but to leave the rock there, because I believe that nobody else will do it so why should I

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I keep on using the excuse that ''other people wont do anything about this world the why should I'' - Then nothing will change and everything will stay the same

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that If I wait for others to change first before i do then the world will continue the why it is

forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i created this character out if fear - the fear of change and losing that which I have become and the uncertainty that comes with change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if i do not change and make the effort to do what needs to be done to change this world then nothing will happen - I am the key and standing as an example i can show others that it is possible to change

I commit myself to stop the ''Why should i when nobody else will'' character

I commit myself to stop using this character as an excuse to not do what needs to be done

I commit myself to stop waiting for other people to change before I do

I commit myself to stop using this character as an excuse and a valid reason not to find solutions to this world

I commit myself to realize that if i keep on using this character then no change will come and everything will stay the same

I commit myself to take self responsibility and not blame others for not changing - but to change myself regardless so that i can become an example of what is possible and then become effective in showing others what i have realized

I commit myself to stop the fear of change - to instead embrace the change - because we need change in this world as there is too much suffering and abuse - we need a new world

Day 73 - Everything in this world is OK

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything is ok in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything in world is as it should be and there is no need for it to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go about my life living in my personal bubble where life is a breeze and where i do not see what is really going in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into this idea advertised in media where a pretty picture is always painted of the world - and to from this believe that this world is a good place to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look deeper into what is going on in this world and to only look at things that will make me feel good and shun and ignore everything else that will make me feel bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking at what is really going on in this world - because i fear it will burst my bubble and my beliefs that this world is a beautiful place and everything is ok

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at all the suffering in this world - because then my beliefs will be irrelevant and then i would have to change who i am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to to realize that this world is not ok - that there is much suffering and abuse in this world and that the only reason why a 'beautiful earth' is promoted is to make sure i do not change this world and remain a slave to the money system

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only reason my life is ok is because i have money - and for those who do not have money are going through much suffering and that this world system we have is not supporting all beings on earth

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self responsibility for myself and this world in finding solutions to change this world into a place worth living in for everybody - and not just for those who have money

I commit myself to stop the belief that everything in this world is ok and to see the truth that there is great suffering

i commit myself to stop being manipulated by media promoting a beautiful earth when i know that there is suffering and abuse and deceit all around me proofing that this world is hell for most

I commit myself  to realize that this world is only ok for those who have money - and that those without money are going through misery just to stay alive - all because this world system is not designed to support all life on earth - only those with money get support

I commit myself not to accept this world as it exist today - but to dedicate my life to make sure that all beings are supported by realizing that the equal money system will support all beings on life an to do all im able to implement such a system 

I commit myself to burst my bubble and to take self responsibility for my life and this world by finding solutions and expanding on them like the equal money system

I commit myself to change who i am so that I can be an effective human being in this world to bring the change i want to see in this world by becoming the change

Day 72 - ''I'll do anything to fit in'' Character Part 2

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create the ''ill do anything to fit in ''character and to believe that this character is real and part of who i am

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create this character and u  se it to change who i am so that i can fit in with my friends and be in a position where i belong.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use this character so that others can accept me - not realizing that me wanting others to accept me is me not accepting myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be a different person around my friends and family depending on the situation so that i can fit in with those people to avoid conflict and then not accepting me

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i am compromising myself just so that i can fit in

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that as this character i am not real - it is a act. I am presenting myself as fake

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to ever saw and realize that who i am is fake - that it never occurred to me and that i saw what i was doing as normal and acceptable - not realizing that i was manipulating others to suit my needs

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that others also do the same - that those who i am friends with and like are characters and like me is not real and in this the friendship is not real. Its a bunch of characters liking other characters and that nobody is real

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself and who I am from others by creating this character out of fear not being accepted

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming real and dropping the act - because i fear others will not like me anymore nor will they accept me anymore

I commit myself to delete the ''I will do anything to fit in character

I commit myself to stop changing who i am in order to fit in and be accepted by others and thus compromising myself and to instead accept myself

I commit myself to stop being a different person around certain people and certain situations but to be consist in who i am and to keep deleting the characters until i become real

I commit myself to stop changing who i am so that others can like me and to avoid conflict  - realizing that it is fear and not real

I commit myself to realize that being a character i am fake and not real, and that others are also fake and not real - and to continue showing others this and to support myself and others in becoming real

I commit myself to stop hiding myself from others by creating characters but to instead realize that this is a fear of being judged and rejected - but it is actually me already judging myself and not accepting myself. If i accept myself then i would not need others to accept me so i drop this fear and commit myself in becoming real

vote for a real world at www.equalmoney.org

And then also if you want to become real and stop acting start by going here: www.desteni.org

Day 71 - ''I'll do anything to fit in'' Character

 

This is related to when i was in school. Where i would change my behavior just so that i can fit in with other people so that they can accept me. So i would compromise myself and who i am so that i can keep my friends and then i change who i am and believe this character is real.

Peer pressure. You can look back in your life and realize that everybody does the same thing - they change themselves to fit in. I was a deferent person depending on who i am with. I would be the 'goody two shoes' character when im around my parents, teachers, friends parents and then a deferent person when im around my friends and then a deferent person when im arou nd a beautiful girl i like.

In this as i look back i ask myself who was I? Who was the real me? When i look at how i was when i was alone with myself i was again another person/character. When i was alone with myself there was no need to change. That was the person who i really was. But i alone knew that and how i presented myself to others was fake and not real. Simply characters so suit my life and the particular situation I was in.

Now i have to ask myself who was I friends with? The person i was friends with was also another character and not a real person. It was somebody like me who chose to be a particular character depending on who they were with. And everybody is like that, a bunch on characters.

Nobody was real - nobody revealed who the really are just like I hid myself from others. And i did this out of fear. We do this out of fear. The fear of not being accepted by others - the fear others not liking who you really are, The fear of others judging who you are.

I find it interesting that I never saw myself as being fake/nor real. I thought i was real. Everybody think they are real. We all believe that this person and character is who we are. But if i was real then who i was would never change. I would not create different characters around different situations, I would be consistent in who I am and what I do no matter the situation or who i am with.

And so I chose and created my characters and became friends with characters that i liked, in this lived a lie - it wasn't real. Who is the real me. Who are you?

This is why I am busy with getting rid of all the characters i have created, because i realize now that it was all a act. I need to become real - find the real person. We all need to become real. To Keep it real 

 

More on dropping the act an becoming real tomorrow. While you anxiously wait for part two go here and vote for a real world at www.equalmoney.org

And then also if you want to become real and stop acting start by going here: www.desteni.org

Day 70 - The Hope Character

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the Hope Character to help me cope with life and to not make it seem so bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in this character use hope when i do not want to the actual work when wanting something done but to instead simply hope it will get done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I will feel better tomorrow instead if realizing that if i do nothing then nothing will change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that the hungry people in the world will get fed - not realizing that if i do not do something about it and only hope then nothing will happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that everything will be ok tomorrow - not realizing that if I do not move myself and find the solution to my problems then nothing will change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hope I pass the exams when i did not prepare myself effectively and thus abdicated responsibility 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i give away my self responsibility when i hope and do nothing but hope

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that simpl y hoping will get things done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that with hope the things i hope for will magically happen without me having to do anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use hope as an excuse not to have to do anything, because hoping for something is really easy - instead of realizing that i cannot just hope and then do nothing - i have to create physically that which I hope for 

I commit myself to stop the hope character and realize that it is useless to hope

I commit myself to realize that when I do a task and complete in my mind and hope it will be as it is in my mind without realizing that the physical reality is not the same as my mind  it is useless

I commit myself to realize that hoping some task will be done without me actually doing something and physically moving then it will not happen

I commit myself to realize that hoping i will feel better tomorrow without me finding the problems and working them out and finding solutions then i will still be the same and nothing will change

I commit myself to realize that hoping the hungry people will be fed is useless - because if i do not do something about it then nothing will happen

I commit myself to realize that hoping is an excuse and me not wanting to do any actual work because hoping is very easy

I commit myself to take self responsibility by stopping the hoping for something by doing the actual physical action required in order to get something done

I commit myself to realize that hoping for something will not make it magically be so unless i do something about it

Day 69 - 'Ode To our Children' - Free Download for all Part 2

 

New song released- ''Ode to our Children'' created by Robot Virgins (Cerise Poolman & Fidelis Spies) and Earthonites (Matti Freeman & Kelly Posey). Its a free download so simply click on it and listen to it now or while you read this blog.

 

Continuing:

"And so we choose this world of Pain
With a single choice
We can undo this mistake
By choosing a world that is not enslaved
Where freedom is free
And no one suffers again"

 

So this part expands the chorus. The choice that needs to be made is to choose life and not to accept and allow this world with all the abuse and suffering such as war, poverty, famine, slavery the list goes on. Then to instead fond ways to stop creating this bullshit on earth but to make this world a world worth living in.

 

The only way to live a of worth is to have money - because without money you have no freedom and with money you can buy freedom. So in today's world freedom is not free, billions suffer because they do not have the money to live. We all live on this world and the world should be shared - but instead we created a world where you have to pay to be alive.

 

"We created this world from the choices we made 
We creating this world from the choices we make

We are the shepherd of earth
Together we shape our worth
Into this world we bring
And leave to our children everything "

 

We are shepherds of earth - meaning it our responsibility to take care of the world. Of all the beings in earth we are the only ones who have the power and ability to take care of earth and make sure everything is running as it should - instead we used this power to consume the earth and destroy it - what a mess. This shows us our worth which is nothing. And then we bring children into this world and what future do they have? Not a very bright one.

 

"My choice, My Power, my salvation \ Our choice, our Power, our salvation

And so we create this life and all of the world "

 

The power of creation is choice - our choice is power and right now our choices is leading us into a bleak world. If I change my choice and choose to create a world free from abuse and suffering and where al needs are taken care of, and many others make that same choice until everybody lives this choice then "my" choice becomes "our" choice and then we have salvation. We save ourselves and our children's future

Make the right choice - choose life- choose an Equal Money System.

 

 

Day 67 - I don't Like My Body

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not like my body and how it looks

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  when i look in the mirror to have the thought of how im too fat, skinny, long, short, ugly, hairy etc

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  to judge my body as not good enough

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  in this judgement not want others to see my imperfections because I fear they will judge me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the judgement exist within me so when I fear someone judging me it is actually me judging myself and projecting myself onto others

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  judge myself when I do not fit into a picture idea i have created in my mind of how i should look like

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to  realize that I created this believe of how i should look like through magazines and television where i am told ho w i should look like - not realizing that i am being manipulated by media so that i can feel like i am not perfect so that I can buy the products that will make me fit into this picture i see in the magazine

I forgive myself that i have mot accepted and allowed myself to realize that the picture i see in the magazine of a beautiful woman with perfect skin is not real - it is Photoshop and fake and placed there to deliberately make me feel inferior so that i can buy their product

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that nobody i have seen in real life and my whole life looked like the picture I see - that the picture i see is not natural - but that who i am and my shape is natural and real

I forgive myself that i have mot accepted and allowed myself to realize that the belief that my body has imperfections was created and is a belief that I took in as real when it is not real. Imperfection is a made up word

I commit myself to stop judging myself on how my body looks like

I commit myself to stop being manipulated by media that tell me i am imperfect and to see that the picture i see is fake and that no person looks like that - its an idea created so that can buy products

I commit myself to stop fearing others judging me and to realize that it is me judging myself

I commit myself to wanting to fit into a picture  idea i created i my head and to realize that it is not natural and who i am is natural and that those who use make-up and made up and thus not real

I commit myself to stop wanting to change my body and to stop believing it would make me feel better, because i created the thought that my body is ugly based on a perception and believe ingrained in me from advertising

I commit myself to stop this abuse that advertising causes in the name of money by not accepting it and to support a system where this abuse will no longer exist

Day 66 - Being a good Person is actually being Selfish

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create the '' I am a Good person character to help me deal with situations in life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this character is real
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as a good character by changing my voice to a higher pitch when speaking to others so that they can see i am a good person and then be more likely to accept me and agree with me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate others by setting myself up as being a good person to avoid conflict - not realizing that i created this character out of fear of conflict
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to fear conflict so much that I would create the I am a good person character as a defensive mechanism just to avoid it
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into this character with others as an attempt to not be judged by others = not realizing that i don't fear their judgement but that i have the judgement within myself already so it is me I who is judging myself
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when as a child to when i saw somebody got yelled at for not being good - to make the conclusion that i should then present myself as being good so that i do not get yelled at - because i fear being yelled at
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a good person is for the benefit of others and that i am doing others a service by being good with them - not realized that i am being selfish because i am only being good to benefit myself and my life and if i has nothing to gain from being good i will not be a good person
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that being good is not about a feeling or to feel good about being good - but to do something because it is what i would have liked for myself - to do something through understanding the need for it  and that it needs to be done regardless of how i feel about it, because then i am self directed and not depending and limited by a feeling
I commit myself to delete the 'i am a good person character
I commit myself to stop manipulating others by changing my voice a little higher to make them like me
I commit myself to stop wanting to get something from others by being the good person
I commit myself to to stop going into this character to get others to like and accept me and to stop seeking acceptance from others but to instead accept myself
I commit myself to stop going into this character to avoid conflict but to instead if hiding away from conflict to face it
I commit myself to stop going into this character to avoid being judged by others - not realizing that i am the one who who is judging myself and so to stop judging myself
I commit myself to stop the believe that i need this character to be able to avoid being yelled at
I commit myself to see that being a good person is being selfish and based in self interest - because I depend on a feeling before I do something - So i then instead to do something through understanding the need for it  and that it needs to be done regardless of how i feel about it, because then i am self directed and not depending and limited by a feeling so
I commit myself to stop wanting to get something from others by being the good person

Day 64 - Also attracted to broken girls?

 

Some introspection.

I was reading Gian's blog about being attracted to broken girls and i looked back in my life and realized I was the same. When i was in school i was attracted to girls who had something happen to them in the past or who are sad and depressed.

I remember a girl I was 'dating' in school and I liked her - she had problems with passing out at school and being generally distracted and i wanted to help her because I saw she needed help. And for me to help a girl back then was to be with her which meant dating her which will make her feel better. It pained me to see her suffer so I did all i could to help her - i found out she was bulimic which was the reason she passed out - because she wasn't eating.

Then there was another girl who I friends with who had a boyfriend who died in a car crash - they had a fight and he got very angry and went for a drive and then crashed. She was not the same after that so i wanted to help her because it pained me to see her sad and depressed about it.

I never questioned this point to find the reason why I liked girls who need saving. The reason why was because of my mother when she died the pain i went through has unbearable for me. And i did not want anybody to experience what i went through and thus i wanted to save people and help them get over it so that they don't suffer like I did - and it made me feel better about myself as i was also very depressed at this time and doing things like helping people i could handle the depression. And i was good at helping my friends when it came to their problems - but I could never help myself. I never even thought about helping myself, never occurred to me.

I never realized that i was the one who created the depression - and in that decision i created the character of wanting to save others from going through what i was going through. I never realized that i can then assist and support myself by getting rid of the depression, because i created it after all - i accepted and allowed it within me for years.

And that is what i did - with the tools I learned from Desteni I was able to get rid of the depression and to start living again and be self directive. Go to the forums for more information and i will also be continuing on the morrow with part two.