Day 176 - First Experience with Authority

 

 

In my previous blog, I wrote about manners and respect, and how I was taught that my “elders” are superior to me because of it. I had to show them respect and have manners – basically I had to present myself the “right” way. Every time I was in the presence of someone older than me, like for example the parents of friends, I would be all polite and remember my manners. Which brings me to my next point – Authority. ‘Keeping in mind though’, that I am NOT saying to now disrespect others / don’t have manners! I am saying though, the starting point / approach within it all primarily being done through fear and not within the starting point of considering/regarding others / “treating others as you would want to be treated” – such living principles are cool, cause it brings through an awareness of considering/speaking/behaving/being with others as you would want them to be with you. Now, we have “manners / respect” being demanded out of fear and hierarchy and in this, there is no such principles existent of “considering/regarding/treating others as you would want to be treated”. So, we’ll look more into this in posts to come.

My parents were my first Authority-figures in my life. And since I was taught to “respect my elders” I believed that all older people have a Authority. As I grew up I held on to this belief subconsciously. If I look closer now - whenever I was in the presence of “my elders” there was a hint a fear, because of when I was a child I was taught to show my manners and respect them, otherwise I would get into trouble.

The word Authority was linked with fear and helplessness.  I myself had no authority since I believed myself to be inferior to others based on the perception and idea that “my elders”  have more value/superior to me since I had to respect them but they did not have to respect me since I am just a child.

An example would be the following: When I was alone I would be a certain way, when I was around friends I would be a certain way. When I was around “my elders” for example talking to parents and older people I would act very differently. I was not really aware of these changes. I did not stop and look to see what I was doing and why. I was not even aware of the fear I had. What I did know is that I did not like speaking to “my elders”, because I was never comfortable with it. Now I can see why. Primarily because, the respect/manners in relation to adults/elders are “demanded / taught” – the child then “acts like the parents demand” and so, every time I was around adults/elders – I put on the act of manners/respect. Obviously, with my friends and when I was alone – I was also in characters/personalities, this is how we function in the world: dependent on the people/hierarchy/environment: we put on different acts/characters/personalities. Which within this, makes one wonder: do we really then in fact know who we are if we change/act dependent on where/with who we are???

So, I assumed a role/character that I created long ago based on what I was taught and my perception and beliefs of what I taught.  That I as a child have no authority – parents do and teachers do. I as a child must listen and be “a good boy”.  And that is what I did from childhood. Now when do you stop being a child and start becoming an elder that must be respected by kids? When do you join that club?

Sure my body is aging and growing, but where does the authority come in? Nobody really taught me authority. I did not have a class named Authority 101. In school we learn that teachers and the headmaster have the Authority – not us children. I Never had the opportunity to learn Authority. Only after living here on the farm did I have the opportunity to experience Authority within myself. Which I will cover in my next blog, and within this see what Authority means within the principle of/as a Living Word.

A point of Regret - A Practical Solution

 

Problem:

To regret is wanting to re-get, meaning we want to get the moment again and make a different choice and change the outcome into something we do not regret. Today I am looking at regret.

Regret is like a broken record - the memory of the event/situation you regret plays over and over in your head and this activates that heavy feeling and we live with it for the rest of our lives - haunted by a memory. The first thing to notice here is that it starts with a thought - that thought brings up a memory and that memory brings up an emotion. A vicious repetitive pattern that plays over and over. 

Today I was look at my experience of myself and what came up was regret. Looking at back at my life and all the time I had and what I did with it. I could have done more, I should have done more, I would have done more. Could have, should have, would have - these are the the prominent backchat that usually comes with regret.  What is not realized is that regret is pointless - It does not contribute to anything. It is mulling over the past, but you cannot change the past. If I went back to that same moment - I will do exactly the thing, because who I am has not changed - If I could have done something different I would have, but I did not not. The point of regret is not to go into an emotional experience within yourself, it is to learn and develop yourself.

Solution:

Regret is when you see what not to do. It is an opportunity to develop yourself and learn to become  more effective by never repeating the mistake that was made. It is then to change yourself now so that when you RE get that moment - when that moment/point comes up again in the future - you will make a decision/take an action that you will not regret.

Reward:

Defining and living regret as it is written in above transforms regret from something that brings you down and controls your life to something you direct. To no longer dwell on the past and be controlled and directed by it, but instead you direct your life. within this you have the opportunity to expand yourself and develop your effectiveness as a living human being.

Join us at Desteni and learn what it is to become an effective living human being where you take control of your life and become the directive principle within it  

Self Worth and Self Development

 

 

I have looked at the point of self-worth and self-value before and now some new points have opened up: Other dimensions of self-worth and self-value (or the lack thereof), as well as the consequences.

I have been working with the physical for a few years before I got Graves disease. I have developed my skills and got myself to a point where I was effective within a particular physical activity/process. What I did not develop effectively during those years was my "inner" skills - my beingness, as who I am in/as my Living. Within this there is a Miss-alignment - developing one part and ignoring the other (missing the equal and one alignment of me in my within and without, my who I am within and how I live without). What I found interesting is that I have constant lower back pain and the physical reason is that my body is skew – miss-aligned. My right side is lower than my left. I am busy with some exercises to correct this.

My lack of self-worth played a role in this - where I told myself that I don't matter and what matters is doing tasks and keeping myself busy with it; all the while keeping myself from developing myself. If I look at it now it is also a point of "self-sacrifice" - where I dedicate my life helping out and helping others, but ignoring myself in the process, because I saw myself as not being important. I have lived my life like this believing that I am doing "good" and that It makes me a "good" person, but all I have done is ignore myself and my life.

It is time to realign myself and realize that I cannot keep on ignoring myself. It is important to develop myself so that I can be an effective living being. Develop self-skills and become directive and effective within it just like I did with working in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the  belief and idea that I do not matter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this belief go into a "self-sacrifice" of only helping out and helping others and ignoring myself, not realizing that I cannot in fact assist/support/help others if I have not in fact done this for myself, within myself and so my own life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my lack of self-worth and self-value to not develop myself and improve myself to become effective, because I believed that Other people are more important that I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live with this miss-alignment and believe that I am a good person by only helping out other people - not realizing that This was a belief and perception. Holding onto a belief of ‘I am a “good person”’ as a Personality I then fueled/validated, instead of actually finding out who I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I limited myself by ignoring myself and only helping others - because If I do not change myself I stay the same instead of developing myself to become more and more effective.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I cannot support another effectively if I do not support myself first

I commit myself to stop the belief and idea that I do not matter - instead I realize the importance of myself and developing myself to become effective, because the more effective I am the better I can assist and support others

I commit myself to stop the "self-sacrifice" character and start paying attention to myself and my self-development and realize that before I can truly assist and support another I must be able to assist and support myself.

I commit myself to stop limiting myself and disabling myself by not assisting and supporting myself within self-development - instead I dedicate myself to become effective within myself

Day 140 - Pain and Discomfort Letting you Down?

 

I have had stomach problems for a long time now, went to the doctor a month ago and said i might have an infection. After the medication it showed i did not have an infection and the next step is to stick a camera up there to see what is happening. Im really not looking forward to this.

The last six month with my stomach problems has gotten to me - meaning i am allowing myself to become more sad, irritated and angry. This problem I have is not going away. The backchat about it is accumulating and im not stopping it and breathing which is why im getting sad, irritated and angry.

Now i will write it out of me so that I can stop this from happening, stop being overwhelmed by my condition whatever it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, because of the pain and discomfort i feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated, because of how i feel physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad and depressed, because my stomach problems are not going away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become affected and directed by how I feel physically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my anger to lash out and take it out on other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my anger to have backchat about things and think about situations where i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become less effective, because i allowed the pain and discomfort to influence who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push through the feeling of wanting to give up and give into the discomfort and pain - instead of pushing through.

I commit myself to stop being angry, because of the discomfort i feel - and to instead breath and stop the anger

I commit myself to stop being irritated, because of the discomfort I feel - and to instead breath and stop the irritated

I commit myself to stop being sad, because of the discomfort I feel - and to instead breath and stop the sadness

I commit myself to stop being directed by how i feel physically in terms of being emotionally directed - and to instead not be directed by how i feel.

I commit myself to stop the the backchat and not to continue and keep on fueling it.

I commit myself to stay consistent

I commit myself to stop lashing out and taking my anger out on people, instead I stop the anger and backchat and make sure that when I speak to people i am clear within myself

Day 124 - A Feeling of Being Stuck?

 

I had a look at my overall experience of myself and what came up was the word stuck. I feel stuck. I do not know how get myself unstuck, but that is not true.

Being stuck and not knowing what to do is an obvious consequence of not creating a path for myself so that I know what to do. I have to create for myself  what to do and then do it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a feeling of being stuck

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself   to create this feeing of being stuck and to believe it to be real

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to listen to this feeling and to become it where I believe that i do not know what to do about it

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to have the thought '' I do not know what to do'' and to listen to this thought and believe it to be real and have power over me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to be directed by this thought

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed  myself to stop this thought when it first came up and direct it and delete it from my existence so that I wont be directed by it - and in allowing this thought to continue I became it as a total experience of constricting and limiting myself and not move of as i allowed myself to become ineffective 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to allow this thought within myself and the resulting feeling of being stuck and then me allowing this feeling to make me ineffective within blogging effectively, writing music, breathing, my awareness and my body.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed  myself to realize that if I had stop that thought when it first came up and saw it for what was  - bullshit - none of the above would have manifested in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed  myself to realize the importance of stopping these  thoughts and to realize the outflow and consequence of not stopping these thoughts

I commit myself to stop the feeling and belief that i am stuck - instead i realize that it is a justification i use not to move on, because I fear moving on.

I commit myself to stop the fear of moving on and realize that there is no point to fear change, instead i embrace change, because with every change there is something new where i can test  develop my effeteness.

I commit myself to stop the thought of ' I do not know what to do'

I commit myself to create my path so that i Do know what to do - writing and supporting myself and others, music, supporting the Equal Life Foundation, Equal Money system, being aware and grateful and respectful of all the beings in my world who make it possible for me to be alive.

I commit myself to stop these thoughts so that it does not direct me , but so that i can be the directive principle in my life.

I commit myself to not allow a feeling or a thought to affect my effectiveness, instead i commit myself to be consistently effective.

Thank you for reading my blog and being part of my journey to life - if you want to start a journey to life and stop being controlled you are gonna need the right tools. The following course is free and it has the tools and methods i use everyday in my life:

Go here: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Moving the Stone from the Path - Would you?

 

When you walk on a road and hurt you foot by accidentally stepping on a stone/falling over a branch will you cry out in pain and anger - blaming the stone/branch for being in your way - or will you move out of the path to make sure nobody else gets hurt?

Its the same if you have a good life with no problems - wouldn't you want the same for others? or rather let them struggle and not find find ways to make the world a better place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider others and only act in self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only look out for myself and never try to make life easier for others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move the rock from the road to same sure nobody else gets hurt by it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this world is a dog eat dog place and that there is nothing i can do to change it and that its just the way it is

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that saying that the world is every man for himself is me using it as an excuse and justification for not taking responsibility and assist and support others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never put myself is the shoes of others and using the excuse and justification that it is not my responsibility an that they must find their own way to help themselves

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only reason i can have a good life is because i have money - and that those without money have no change in this life to make it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that they do not have money, because they are lazy and don't get jobs - not realizing that there are 7 billion humans on earth and thus there is no way for all 7 billion to have jobs and money in this current accepted world

I commit myself to move the rock from the path/consider others

I commit myself to to not act in self interest, but to instead do what is best for all

I commit myself to stop the believe that this life is every man for himself and not accept this

find ways for all beings in earth to have a dignified life

I commit myself to stop using justifications and excuses like its not my responsibility, but to instead take self responsibility and make this world a world worth living

I commit myself to realize that it could have been me in that situation of suffering and poor and that no being should need to suffer and that we created this world and all its suffering and thus i commit myself to stop it

I commit myself to create a world where all beings can live a good  meaningful life without fear