Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Day 176 - First Experience with Authority



respect_my_authority_by_livnlife-d3a0op5In my previous blog, I wrote about manners and respect, and how I was taught that my “elders” are superior to me because of it. I had to show them respect and have manners – basically I had to present myself the “right” way. Every time I was in the presence of someone older than me, like for example the parents of friends, I would be all polite and remember my manners. Which brings me to my next point – Authority. ‘Keeping in mind though’, that I am NOT saying to now disrespect others / don’t have manners! I am saying though, the starting point / approach within it all primarily being done through fear and not within the starting point of considering/regarding others / “treating others as you would want to be treated” – such living principles are cool, cause it brings through an awareness of considering/speaking/behaving/being with others as you would want them to be with you. Now, we have “manners / respect” being demanded out of fear and hierarchy and in this, there is no such principles existent of “considering/regarding/treating others as you would want to be treated”. So, we’ll look more into this in posts to come.

My parents were my first Authority-figures in my life. And since I was taught to “respect my elders” I believed that all older people have a Authority. As I grew up I held on to this belief subconsciously. If I look closer now - whenever I was in the presence of “my elders” there was a hint a fear, because of when I was a child I was taught to show my manners and respect them, otherwise I would get into trouble.

The word Authority was linked with fear and helplessness.  I myself had no authority since I believed myself to be inferior to others based on the perception and idea that “my elders”  have more value/superior to me since I had to respect them but they did not have to respect me since I am just a child.

An example would be the following: When I was alone I would be a certain way, when I was around friends I would be a certain way. When I was around “my elders” for example talking to parents and older people I would act very differently. I was not really aware of these changes. I did not stop and look to see what I was doing and why. I was not even aware of the fear I had. What I did know is that I did not like speaking to “my elders”, because I was never comfortable with it. Now I can see why. Primarily because, the respect/manners in relation to adults/elders are “demanded / taught” – the child then “acts like the parents demand” and so, every time I was around adults/elders – I put on the act of manners/respect. Obviously, with my friends and when I was alone – I was also in characters/personalities, this is how we function in the world: dependent on the people/hierarchy/environment: we put on different acts/characters/personalities. Which within this, makes one wonder: do we really then in fact know who we are if we change/act dependent on where/with who we are???

So, I assumed a role/character that I created long ago based on what I was taught and my perception and beliefs of what I taught.  That I as a child have no authority – parents do and teachers do. I as a child must listen and be “a good boy”.  And that is what I did from childhood. Now when do you stop being a child and start becoming an elder that must be respected by kids? When do you join that club?

Sure my body is aging and growing, but where does the authority come in? Nobody really taught me authority. I did not have a class named Authority 101. In school we learn that teachers and the headmaster have the Authority – not us children. I Never had the opportunity to learn Authority. Only after living here on the farm did I have the opportunity to experience Authority within myself. Which I will cover in my next blog, and within this see what Authority means within the principle of/as a Living Word.

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