Day 201 - Why we take things Personally

 

I made vlogs expanding on this topic, but our Internet has been extremely slow so I have not been able to upload it yet. I will upload it as soon as our Internet allows or when SA finally invests in decent Internet speeds and solutions. Unfortunately the latter is highly unlikely, because most of the funding goes into the pockets of our government officials and pays for their mansion upgrades and goes towards increasing their vehicle stock while millions of SA citizens are in poverty struggling with daily life.

Enough with ranting for now and back to the topic at hand - Why do we take things personally?

This has been a tough point I had to work with, because i used to take a lot of things personally. It could be someone said something to me or they did something and I would react. A basic example was I remember when I was in school and my teacher was explaining physical differences between people and I do not remember why. She said that i have a big nose. Now this is a fact - proportionally my nose is a bit large for my face. She was simply stating fact and in no way meant anything by it, but I took it very personally and was angry. Now the question is why did I take this personally?  

The reason for me taking it personally is that I had a judgement within myself about my large nose - I judged myself and did not like having a big nose. So within this I was the one who created the anger based on a judgement I had within myself. It had nothing to do with the teacher - I cannot blame her for the anger, because I created it. The reason i took it personally was because of a self judgement.

This can be applied to everything related to taking things personally. NO matter what is said to you or what anybody does, in the end you alone are responsible for yourself and your reactions. YOU are the one who take things personally - you yourself create that based on a judgement you have about yourself. In a way the other person is actually showing this to you so instead of getting angry at them - thank them for showing you and giving you a point to work on. Once you move pass the self judgement it will no longer have control over you. I eventually got over my nose being too big so when someone comments on my nose I do not take it personally. To recap - Taking things personally is a self judgement and something you alone created and you are the one who can stop it.

 

PS - this blog will have no cool picture in it, because it then takes longer to upload. Blame SA for this horrible inconvenience they caused. Thank you.

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A point of Regret - A Practical Solution

 

Problem:

To regret is wanting to re-get, meaning we want to get the moment again and make a different choice and change the outcome into something we do not regret. Today I am looking at regret.

Regret is like a broken record - the memory of the event/situation you regret plays over and over in your head and this activates that heavy feeling and we live with it for the rest of our lives - haunted by a memory. The first thing to notice here is that it starts with a thought - that thought brings up a memory and that memory brings up an emotion. A vicious repetitive pattern that plays over and over. 

Today I was look at my experience of myself and what came up was regret. Looking at back at my life and all the time I had and what I did with it. I could have done more, I should have done more, I would have done more. Could have, should have, would have - these are the the prominent backchat that usually comes with regret.  What is not realized is that regret is pointless - It does not contribute to anything. It is mulling over the past, but you cannot change the past. If I went back to that same moment - I will do exactly the thing, because who I am has not changed - If I could have done something different I would have, but I did not not. The point of regret is not to go into an emotional experience within yourself, it is to learn and develop yourself.

Solution:

Regret is when you see what not to do. It is an opportunity to develop yourself and learn to become  more effective by never repeating the mistake that was made. It is then to change yourself now so that when you RE get that moment - when that moment/point comes up again in the future - you will make a decision/take an action that you will not regret.

Reward:

Defining and living regret as it is written in above transforms regret from something that brings you down and controls your life to something you direct. To no longer dwell on the past and be controlled and directed by it, but instead you direct your life. within this you have the opportunity to expand yourself and develop your effectiveness as a living human being.

Join us at Desteni and learn what it is to become an effective living human being where you take control of your life and become the directive principle within it