When the hyperthyroidism effects started showing – a side-effect thereof was tiredness. At that time, I was not yet aware of having Hyperthyroidism. However, because I was in this Internal Mind-Battle against my fear of failure/failing and I was pushing and pushing and pushing myself to not fail but remain disciplined, I connected the tiredness my physical body was experiencing, and tiredness in-itself to my internal battle. Because throughout my life, whenever I was tired – I would usually have used it to justify me more giving into the tiredness and not tend to responsibilities/tasks which contributed to me becoming and accepting and allowing my Laziness. And then when I started deciding to discipline myself more – I changed my definition to tiredness in using it to motivate me to push myself more, so every time I would get tired – it would activate me to become more disciplined. However, this time – the tiredness was “real” in terms of it actually being a side-effect of the hyperthyroidism. But, because I within and throughout my life – connected tiredness to mind definitions and polarities, and so never in fact had a relationship with my actual physical body, I THOUGHT in my Mind the tiredness was me not being effective enough in my inner-battle between laziness and discipline. And so here is an interesting point, regarding how much or how little we in fact KNOW our own physical bodies with the extent to which we participate and exist in the MIND.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I started feeling tired all the time, to believe that I am doing something wrong based on the mind-relationship I created towards tiredness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself as not being effective anymore - because no matter what i did I could not stop the tiredness I was feeling.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the tiredness - because I believed it was something out of my control - that I could do nothing about it - and that it is something more than me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of me being tired all the time and that it is something that I should hide from others, because I accepted and allowed myself to in my mind define/judge tiredness as ‘weak’ so that I could empower my opposite experience as being ‘strong’. So, what I would do is judge tiredness as weak – but that part of me that judged tiredness as weak, was my Ego using tiredness as weakness so that in/as my Ego it could make itself ‘strong’ with not going into tiredness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will judge me, because of me being tired all the time and thus i must act tough as though i am not tired even though i was
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask for assistance from anyone, but to instead try get through this all by myself and this struggle unnecessarily just because i feared being judged and losing the self image I had of myself being a strong leader and believed that me being tired all the time is a sign of weakness
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my internal battle of constantly fighting with myself and all the reactions and backchats eventually placed too much stress on my body, because I did not direct it effectively and so contributed even MORE to what the physical body was going through in terms of the hyperthyroidism that I didn’t realize at that stage was manifesting, because I was too busy in my Mind
I commit myself to stop judging myself when I struggle with something and i commit myself to ask for assistance when I do my best at something and still struggle so that I do not struggle unnecessarily as I see, realize and understand that one cannot walk through life alone, and asking for assistance and support when I know that I have done everything I could and still can’t stand within a point – is not a sign of weakness, but the simple common sense of the fact that I do NOT KNOW everything, and only Ego would believe so and asking for assistance and support would in fact strengthen me and so another, as I would actually then LEARN from others and others would learn from me and so we grow/expand/develop through assisting and supporting ourselves and each other
I commit myself to stop the belief that being tired is a sign of weakness, being ‘tired’ is a physical experience in the sense that – when/as one do not have enough sleep or overwork the body, that is practical-reality physical tiredness, based on actual reality correlations / experiences. And so, I commit myself to assist and support me to always cross-reference reality with the physical body – for example, if/as I have not over an extended period of time overworked the body / slept too little and the tiredness persist and I can find no practical reality relationship that caused the tiredness: to immediately ask / consult a medical practitioner.
I commit myself to stop the fear of others judging me and realize that what i am going through is my process and ultimately is not their judgement that i fear - it is me judging myself.
