Day 117 - Uncertainty with Estimates

 

Today I was cutting grass for the horses to eat and sleep on, bedding and food. Today was one of the rare hot days without rain that we have had in a while and tomorrow afternoon it might rain again. I wanted to cut so that we just enough to rake everything before the rain comes tomorrow so we will see if my estimates were enough.

When I was done cutting I looked at how much I cut and it looked like enough, but I wanted to be sure so I decided to cut more. After the last session of cutting I looked and told myself that it is indeed enough, but I was not sure. It could be too much or too little, but I really couldn't’ tell. So when I was done I got back to farm and for the rest of the day either I told myself it was more than enough or it was not enough - I am uncertain so this caused anxiety and doubting myself and worrying all the time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when I finished cutting grass to worry that it wont be be enough or that it will be too much

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when I drove back with the tractor to fear that it will be too much for us to rake it all and then it will get rained on and be a total waste.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgement from others if it turns out it wont be enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly think about this point and worry about it today

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that what is done is done so there is noting I can do about it now so there is no point in worrying about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress about this point throughout the day and feel that I might have made a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes and to see myself as not good enough when I make mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself in my uncertainty and thus become anxious - instead if realizing that there is nothing wrong with being uncertain,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being bad with estimates, because I am wrong most of the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather say I am not sure when it come to estimates that are important, because i fear taking responsibility and then being wrong then I will be to blamed

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really push through the resistance and fear and uncertainty when I am estimating something to see if I am in fact bad at estimates or not

I commit myself to stop worrying about if there will be enough hay tomorrow or not  - instead I see that there is nothing I can do about it now thus no point in worrying.

I commit myself to stop fearing the judgement from others if there is too much or too little - I see that it is not their judgement, but my own

I commit myself to stop stress and realize stressing wont change the past or future - instead I breathe and live in the moment

I commit myself to stop fearing making mistakes with estimate and realize that I learn though those mistakes

I commit myself to stop the belief that I am bad with estimates and stop saying I'm not sure without giving it my best first

I commit myself to stop the fear of taking responsibility for getting estimates wrong and not allow it to influence me

I commit myself to to stop becoming anxious and have self doubt when I face uncertainties

I commit myself to stop seeing uncertainty as something bad or wrong - instead I realize that some things are uncertain, but it does not change who i am.