Day 127 - Divine Awareness

 

There is nothing divine about being aware. Its an commitment - a life long commitment to be aware of yourself and the environment. The real physical world - the only world that exist an matters - not some delusional happy light and love place in the clouds that you spend your whole trying to get to and then ignore the real world. Anyway - back to my blog

Today I am righting about a point I wrote about in my last blog over here: CLICK  ME. It was basically about an event that took place as a consequence of me not being aware. So here goes the method to make sure this doesn't’ happen again:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be aware of myself and environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be aware and give somebody else the responsibility for a while

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ''take a break'' for a while and abdicate my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have been responsible for long enough and that means I don't have to be all the time anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others when the truck got stuck and to believe that it was not my responsibility when it was

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when the truck got stuck to go into anxiety, because i fear that the truck might be damaged or damaged the spillway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when it happened to wish that I could go back in time and stop this from happening, instead if looking back and see how i can stop this from happening in the future.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push through the resistance and stop the thought ''I don't have to be responsible anymore'' and realize that if i stopped that single thought the whole truck in mud event would not have happened.

I commit myself to to push myself to be aware of myself and the environment at all times no matter what

I commit myself to stop the believe that i can take a break from being aware of myself and the environment - instead I realize that if i do take a break things might slip by me

I commit myself to be responsible and self responsible for as as i breath in air of this world we as humanity are busy destroying and realize that if i do not take self responsibility - the world does not have a chance

I commit myself to stop wanting to blame others - instead I take self responsibly

I Commit myself to stop wishing I could go back and change things - instead I find ways to make sure i do not make the same mistake again

I commit

I commit myself to stop these thoughts so that it does not direct me , but so that i can be the directive principle in my life.

I commit myself to not allow a feeling or a thought to affect my effectiveness, instead i commit myself to be consistently effective.

Day 126 - The Consequence Of Unawareness

 

We hear the expression ''Shit hits the fan'' and ''shit load'' and ''full of shit''. Today we had both - We had a shit load when a shit truck got stuck in the mud. I should have taken pictures, but i did not, sorry.

Today was a very eventful day were we faced new challenges and stared shit right in the face. every year we get a honey sucker - a truck that sucks out the shit in our septic tanks. Today the truck drove over an flow away which is a trench in the ground where the septic tanks overflows into and the front left wheel sunk almost completely into the ground.

Now we had a really big problem - the truck was already full of shit and now weighed over 5 tons. Eventually after 5 hours and jacking up the truck and placing brick under the wheels and getting the tractor to pull the truck we got it out. Yeay.

Now usually when the shit truck comes i make sure it does not drive over any of the flow away's so that it does not get stuck, but today i did not do that. This forms part of my loosing focus blog where I have become less aware in my world and today it clearly showed itself in full force. That lead to a consequence - an event that could have been avoided.

Another point I realized is that doing something for a while eventually there is a belief that I do not have to be so focused all the time - like getting used to something you do not pay that much attention anymore. Its total bullshit obviously.

I got my ''5 hour lesson'' today where the event showed me something about myself that requires direction. So i directed it.

Thanks for reading - ,more on this tomorrow.

Day 125 - Giving up On Myself? Why do that?

 

I listened to This interview: Giving Up on Myself - Life Review. What i found fascinating is how it explains Why we give up on ourselves.

Why is it that when we have are looking forward to do something like for example learn to play an instrument, build something yourself or doing something you always wanted to do and then end up not doing it and give up on doing it? Why do get that deep sinking feeling that makes us want to give up - what is that voice in our heads that say ''I cannot do it''. And within this we never give it our best shot - never giving it our all. I look back at my life and wonder how different my life would have been if I made the decision to give it my all within what I was doing and how i could have developed myself and various skills. IF i had given it my all during school I know i would have done better. If i had given it my all when i did classical piano I would now have been a professional pianist. the same with other instruments.

Its not just that - In school i was always shy and hiding always afraid. If I had stopped that and given myself the opportunity to break and walk through my fears and given it my all i would have enjoyed it better.

After listening to this interview I gave me clarity. I could see that i wasted my life half-assing everything. And it gave me insight, assistance and support to move myself to become effective.

So listen and enjoy : Download

Day 124 - A Feeling of Being Stuck?

 

I had a look at my overall experience of myself and what came up was the word stuck. I feel stuck. I do not know how get myself unstuck, but that is not true.

Being stuck and not knowing what to do is an obvious consequence of not creating a path for myself so that I know what to do. I have to create for myself  what to do and then do it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a feeling of being stuck

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself   to create this feeing of being stuck and to believe it to be real

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to listen to this feeling and to become it where I believe that i do not know what to do about it

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to have the thought '' I do not know what to do'' and to listen to this thought and believe it to be real and have power over me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to be directed by this thought

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed  myself to stop this thought when it first came up and direct it and delete it from my existence so that I wont be directed by it - and in allowing this thought to continue I became it as a total experience of constricting and limiting myself and not move of as i allowed myself to become ineffective 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to allow this thought within myself and the resulting feeling of being stuck and then me allowing this feeling to make me ineffective within blogging effectively, writing music, breathing, my awareness and my body.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed  myself to realize that if I had stop that thought when it first came up and saw it for what was  - bullshit - none of the above would have manifested in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed  myself to realize the importance of stopping these  thoughts and to realize the outflow and consequence of not stopping these thoughts

I commit myself to stop the feeling and belief that i am stuck - instead i realize that it is a justification i use not to move on, because I fear moving on.

I commit myself to stop the fear of moving on and realize that there is no point to fear change, instead i embrace change, because with every change there is something new where i can test  develop my effeteness.

I commit myself to stop the thought of ' I do not know what to do'

I commit myself to create my path so that i Do know what to do - writing and supporting myself and others, music, supporting the Equal Life Foundation, Equal Money system, being aware and grateful and respectful of all the beings in my world who make it possible for me to be alive.

I commit myself to stop these thoughts so that it does not direct me , but so that i can be the directive principle in my life.

I commit myself to not allow a feeling or a thought to affect my effectiveness, instead i commit myself to be consistently effective.

Thank you for reading my blog and being part of my journey to life - if you want to start a journey to life and stop being controlled you are gonna need the right tools. The following course is free and it has the tools and methods i use everyday in my life:

Go here: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 123 - Stomach problems continue

 

An update on my body:

I have now gone almost 2 weeks without gluten. Thus far there has been no improvement and I started loosing weight and getting very tired. So instead of struggling to find the reason and diagnoses I going to a doctor. I have attempted to sort this out myself for months now without success so it time to seek professional advise.

P.S. Regarding my back - I was fine not rolling over in my sleep until last night and woke up this morning with a nice fresh neck and back pain. Lets see how this develops. A problem is that my back is out and hurting so I'm going to get it set again

Within all this to me it seems that I failed in fixing my stomach problems myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if i have failed in fixing myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because my problem is not going away I am doing something wrong

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it might be something worse and thus anticipate the worse

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create fear and anxiety in wondering ht could be happening to me

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i wont know for sure what is causing the problems with my body until I see a doctor

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself to having this problem where it affects my daily life and keeping me from fully participate

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not want to go to a doctor, because of me being stubborn in not wanting to admit that there is something happing to me that requires attention

I commit myself to stop wanting to do EVERYTHING myself - instead i realize that there are things that i cannot possibly do myself and that i do need assistance

I commit myself to stop the belief that i am doing something wrong if something takes longer than i expected it to  - instead i breath and be patient

I commit myself to  stop always anticipating the worse and create fear and anxiety - instead i see it is what it is and fearing it won change a thing so i stop

I commit myself to stop being angry at myself for not being able to participate effectively in my daily routine and to realize that if my body cannot handle it i will only harm myself more by not listening

I commit myself to when necessary to not wait in stubbornness but to seek out medical attention when needed.

Thanks

Day 122 - How to assist yourself to stop sleeping on your stomach

 

My previous blog was me writing abut my lower back problems that are related to me sleeping on my stomach for years. This is how i am going to approach it for assist myself:

Here is an extract:

I am very uncomfortable everyday with my stomach problems and even more so going gluten-free. So what happens ''sub consciously'' when i am asleep  is that i want to be comfortable and thus roll over and sleep on my stomach. yes - even asleep you are still the one who decides what happens - i make the choice to sleep on my stomach.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into the discomfort i am experiencing and allow it to influence me and who i am 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be like a short fuse ready to explode and to take out my anger on those close to me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself and walk around moody as if the world has ended, because of how i feel

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to allow the discomfort i am feeling to make me long for being comfortable

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in my quest to be comfortable to roll over on my stomach in my sleep

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only fall asleep on my stomach and that sleeping any other way I would not be able to have a good nights sleep

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have created the preference for sleeping on my stomach and just because I have been doing it all my life does not mean I cant sleep any way else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not responsible for what happens when I am asleep

I commit myself to allowing my discomfort to affect who I am , instead I breathe through the discomfort so that I am the directive principle and not directed by it

I commit myself to stop feeling sorry for myself - instead I go on standing strong

I commit myself to stop being like a short fuse and snap at people, instead I realize it is back chat and build up suppressions of me feeling sorry for myself which I stop as son as it comes up

I commit myself to stop allowing my discomfort to influence me to want to be comfortable as an desire that forces me to sleep on my stomach - instead I realize that  just because my stomach and back is causing discomfort in those areas - does not mean I as a whole need to be uncomfortable

I commit myself to stop the belief that I can only sleep on my stomach - instead  I realize that i am able to sleep on my back or side perfectly ok.

I commit myself to take self responsibility for when i am asleep to NOT roll over on my stomach , instead I stay on my back or side and push through the resistance I experience within my belief that i can only sleep on my stomach.

Day 121 - Sleeping on your Stomach? Help with Back Problems

 

My back hurts - allot

I have always been sleeping on my stomach - its my comfortable sleeping position since i can remember. Its nice and cozy sleeping on my stomach and any other position is uncomfortable and it takes longer to fall asleep.

It has been fine sleeping on my stomach until recently...

I’ve been having lower back problems and needed to go to a chi ropractor often. at first i believed it was because of the farm activities i have been doing - like hauling sand bags for weeks or carrying 25 liter water bottles and not using my back correctly. But low and behold it was not that.

i noticed it was when i woke in the mornings with neck pain and back pain. I did some research and found out that sleeping on your back for a long time causes lower back pain eventually. Yeay for me...

Basically what happens is when you sleep on your stomach your neck is turned while you back is straight which causes tension on your lower back where it is constantly under strain. Now when i sleep on my stomach for one night my back is out. This is problematic for me, because living on the farm and participating in activities i require my back to NOT be out and in pain so it limits me.

The solution to this is to simply not sleep on my stomach anymore, but as it turns out it is not as simple as that for me. I force myself now to sleep on my side or back, but during the night while im asleep I roll over onto my stomach, lol.

The first time what i did is strap something to my chest so that when i do roll over in my sleep it will hurt me and ill wake up and not sleep on my stomach. This worked for about 2 days until i woke up the 3rd day with a sore chest bone and a mark form sleeping on my stomach regardless. After that i ''willed'' myself to not sleep on my stomach and that worked well for a while - i would still some days wake up on my stomach, but mostly it worked. Until recently this has not worked anymore.

And it is linked to my previous blog of loosing focus. I am very uncomfortable everyday with my stomach problems and even more so going gluten-free. So what happens ''sub consciously'' when i am asleep  is that i want to be comfortable and thus roll over and sleep on my stomach. yes - even asleep you are still the one who decides what happens - i make the choice to sleep n my stomach.

Tomorrow i will reveal the steps to assist myself how not to sleep on my stomach anymore then its goodbye to back pain.

Day 120 - Loosing Focus

 

I am now on day 4 gluten free and have noticed another point. I have been loosing focus. Today I misplaced my cell-phone twice, i am forgetting things, missing things and have become less aware of my environment. Also broke a coffee cup.

Yes we all misplace things and drop things and forget things, but for me this is happening more than should. The past few days my stomach has become worse along with my back so I’ve been in a bit of pain and really tired of having this, I am sick and tired of having to go to the toilet at least 4 times a day. This is why im loosing focus, because I am distracting myself with my problems and fear that I will have to live like this for the rest of my life and i REALLY do not want that. My back problem is hindering my effectiveness, because I cant help out around the farm as much as I would like to.

My back problem is for another day another blog - for now i am writing  about loosing focus so that I can, in spite of my utter discomfort - not allow it to effect who i am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose focus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget things allot more than usual

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misplace objects by not being aware of myself when I put something down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be less aware of my environment and I miss things where I usually do not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my discomfort believe that going gluten free is pointless since there is no change

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there wont always be a change immediately and that it will take time

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be patient and always want to rush things and want things to go fast when in reality they do not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to to distract myself from what I do with the pain and discomfort I feel and to become less effective because of it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe through the discomfort and bring myself here so that i can be effective.

(Please note - if you are in consistent pain and discomfort that affects or impairs you go see a doctor)

I commit myself to focus on what is important and to make sure that I do not loose focus

I commit myself to when I do loose focus and start forgetting things/misplacing things to breathe and slow myself down

I commit myself to let go of my impatience and frustrations when I see no change with my stomach - instead I am patent/patience.

I commit myself to be aware of myself when drinking something so that I do not haste and allow the water to go down the wrong hole where I will cough my lungs out (might seem a bit random,but this just happened so i placed it in here)

I commit myself to not be affected and become less effective when faced with discomfort

I commit myself to be aware of myself and my environment and not to be lost in thought and feelings and emotions where i will miss the world around me and important things might slip through and lead to unwanted consequences

I commit myself to realize that this will take time - and keep the 1 week  gluten free commitment.

Day 119 - Gluten Free frustrations and Addictions

 

Here is my previous blog on Day 1 Gluten Free : Day 1. Here now follows day 2

This is now my second day without gluten - have not notices any changes physically yet, but it is to soon to tell. I did however notice a ridiculous craving to eat allot of food. Its like I just want to eat and eat like an addiction and I end up eating more than I should, because I mistake hunger for crave and then i believe myself to be hungry all the time

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be sad that i wont be able to eat the food i like anymore

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated that it is now more difficult to make myself food and the convenience is gone

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself that i have created this situation for myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for putting myself in this position

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to to eat more food now to fill the gap and make myself happy, because Im sad that i cant eat my favorite foods anymore

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create this deep craving within myself and believe that it is hunger and then eat more food

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the food i eat where if i go without it I go through a withdrawal

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts of '' just one more piece of bread - will do no harm'' that makes my cravings bigger and then I eat more other foods.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when i could still eat what i liked without consequence to take it for granted

I commit myself to to sop the sadness - instead I am grateful that I have food to eat

I commit myself to stop being frustrated - instead i see that being frustrated wont change a thing

I commit myself to stop blaming myself and be angry at myself - instead i breath and realize that being angry and blaming myself gets me nowhere

I commit myself to  stop eating more than i should  - instead I eat enough

I commit myself to stop trying to find loop holes and excuses for me to stop this gluten free things - instead I commit to my commitment

I commit myself to realize that I am not in fact hungry all the time, but that it is the caving and addiction to food

I commit myself to stop the ridiculous craving - instead i breath and do not allow it to affect me.

 

Lets see how tomorrow goes. If you are a first time reader and have no idea what's going on i am getting rid of my limitations to realize my full potential and effectiveness.

Here is a free guide:  http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 118 - I like Food - allot

 

I like eating food. Good tasty food. Some of the food I like eating is the following:

• Fresh bread
• Weet-bix
• pancakes
• flapjacks
• Fresh bread
• cornflakes
• Fresh bread
• Fresh bread
• Fresh bread
• Fresh bread
• Fresh bread

I do like Fresh bread. One of my favorite things to eat is fresh fresh bread just out the oven with butter - mmm. The reason im listing these foods is because Since today I stopped eating wheat foods, more specifically gluten related foods. And most the foods I like have gluten. The reason I stopped eating Gluten is part of an on going test to see what physical reaction is causing my stomach problems - im looking for the physical manifestation of my anxiety that i created.

Since I stopped eating gluten I have become very frustrated, irritated...and I little depressed. What I have noticed is that I have become sad, because food made me happy - tasty food makes me feel good and now it takes longer to make myself food.

It is interesting that now going gluten-free it takes more time to make myself food. I usually for lunch go for what is quick and easy - bread or whatever - because i dont spend too much time making it and eating it. But now I have no choice but to prepare and plan what i eat.

This is why I am frustrated and irritated - it is now more of an effort to eat and i do not like not being able to eat certain foods.

Thank you for reading - an update on this tomorrow to assist myself to not me depressed, irritated and frustrated and angry .

Day 117 - Uncertainty with Estimates

 

Today I was cutting grass for the horses to eat and sleep on, bedding and food. Today was one of the rare hot days without rain that we have had in a while and tomorrow afternoon it might rain again. I wanted to cut so that we just enough to rake everything before the rain comes tomorrow so we will see if my estimates were enough.

When I was done cutting I looked at how much I cut and it looked like enough, but I wanted to be sure so I decided to cut more. After the last session of cutting I looked and told myself that it is indeed enough, but I was not sure. It could be too much or too little, but I really couldn't’ tell. So when I was done I got back to farm and for the rest of the day either I told myself it was more than enough or it was not enough - I am uncertain so this caused anxiety and doubting myself and worrying all the time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when I finished cutting grass to worry that it wont be be enough or that it will be too much

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when I drove back with the tractor to fear that it will be too much for us to rake it all and then it will get rained on and be a total waste.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgement from others if it turns out it wont be enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly think about this point and worry about it today

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that what is done is done so there is noting I can do about it now so there is no point in worrying about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress about this point throughout the day and feel that I might have made a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes and to see myself as not good enough when I make mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself in my uncertainty and thus become anxious - instead if realizing that there is nothing wrong with being uncertain,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being bad with estimates, because I am wrong most of the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather say I am not sure when it come to estimates that are important, because i fear taking responsibility and then being wrong then I will be to blamed

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really push through the resistance and fear and uncertainty when I am estimating something to see if I am in fact bad at estimates or not

I commit myself to stop worrying about if there will be enough hay tomorrow or not  - instead I see that there is nothing I can do about it now thus no point in worrying.

I commit myself to stop fearing the judgement from others if there is too much or too little - I see that it is not their judgement, but my own

I commit myself to stop stress and realize stressing wont change the past or future - instead I breathe and live in the moment

I commit myself to stop fearing making mistakes with estimate and realize that I learn though those mistakes

I commit myself to stop the belief that I am bad with estimates and stop saying I'm not sure without giving it my best first

I commit myself to stop the fear of taking responsibility for getting estimates wrong and not allow it to influence me

I commit myself to to stop becoming anxious and have self doubt when I face uncertainties

I commit myself to stop seeing uncertainty as something bad or wrong - instead I realize that some things are uncertain, but it does not change who i am.

Day 116 - Being a RockStar

 

Sometimes when I listen to songs I image that i am the person who wrote the song and singing the song. I imagine i am playing in front of a huge stadium performing the song i am listening to. Mostly because it makes me feel good - when i was in school i u sed to do this allot - put the song on the hi-fi loudly and rock out in my room. I Liked doing this also, because I could really express what I felt by rocking out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I listen to songs to imagine that I wrote the song and am singing it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to imagine that i am performing this song live on stage rocking out in front of thousands of people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on imagining this, because it makes me feel good

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself playing in front of allot of people and them liking me, because I want people to like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my want to be special and important to imagine myself being a rock star

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am inferior and thus i dream about play ing on stage where i will be better than everybody else

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i do not need to be special or important or better than others, but that it is a believe than i must compete with other people.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of these delusions and rather focus on my music to become more effective within it.

I commit myself to stop imagine that i wrote the songs i listen to when i did not

I commit myself stop imagining that I am playing in front of thousands of people when i listen to songs - i realize it is me wanting to be special that i do this

I commit myself to stop wanting to be special - instead I realize that nobody is special

I commit myself to stop wanting people to like me - I can see how fucked up i am inside which means other people are also fucked up inside and thus there is no point to want other to like me

I commit myself to let go of these delusions and to realize that by imagining  it i become lost in

my feelings and emotions constantly thinking about what ifs and dreams that are impractical.  

Day 115 - Human Defense Mechanism

 

Animals and insects have defensive mechanisms:

Chameleons change color, spiders bite, scorpions stings, ducks claw, cats scratch, dogs bite and stick insects....look like sticks. All for survival. Now today we are looking at what happens when humans are attacked -  not physically, but verbally. If someone talks shit about you you go into a reaction and often feel the need to defend yourself. When you take something personally you react and go into defensive mode where you will become angry and act out the anger either physically or verbally.

Why The need to defend oneself when somebody says something about you? Why do i allow the other person to influence me? It should’ not matter what another says about mw, because i know who I am and who im not. There should be no need to defend myself - otherwise I give power to the person over me.

Here follows the steps to clear myself from this point:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into defensive mode when someone is saying something about me that i take personally

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to within this defensive mode to attack the person verbally

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away by allowing the other person to influence my behavior by reacting to what they say

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to care what people think of me and in this feel the need to defend myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear others judging me and this i feel the need to defend myself so that others don't believe what the other person is saying about me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to after the event further defend myself with backchat of thoughts in my head where I will see myself as the better person and the other person as very inferior to me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to act on the anger and be directed by this anger by going into defense mode

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to simply not take things personally

I commit myself to not go into defensive mode

I commit myself to stop taking things personally

I commit myself to stop attacking people verbally by stopping the anger and not be directed by it.

I commit myself to be self directed and not allow other to influence who i am

I commit myself to stop the fear of judgement from others

I commit myself to stop the belief that i need to defend myself - instead i realize that it doesn’it matter what other say.

I commit myself to stop the backchat of me seeing myself as superior and better than others

When i face  point where someone is talking shit about me, or says and do something that i will take personally - to stop and breath. I realize that it doesnt matter what others say about me. I direct the point by either walking away or find the reason why the person said what they said WITHOUT reacting in anger.

Day 114 - Its All about me

 

ON the topic of movies - I have watched the movie called ANTZ and in the beginning the one ant is complaining about his ant life and saying ''but what about ME!''. Another ant later explains to the complaining at that it is not all about him, but that its all about the colony as a whole. But this complaining ANT wants to be significant, special.

Later in the movie the ants decided they have choice - they do not have to work and contribute. Which in the end resulted in destruction on most of the ant nest.

Now movies aside lets look at real life ants.

Each individual ant works an a task and thus contributes to the whole so that the colony can be strong and effective. They realize that what they do is not work - its an understanding that only as a group are they strong and effective. If one or a few ants decides to give up then the colony is weakened.

So unlike humans:

Laziness does not exist.

Wanting to be special also does no’t exist.

Wanting to be different does n’ot exits .

Choice does not exist

The last point is very important. Most people have a believe that they have a choice - not true. Free choice does not exist for the ant. They do not choose to work together - they simply do it. its not a choice, but rather a principle.

So humans want life to be all about them - we want to be special, unique, significant.We do not care about the others living in our colony/earth. Its all about me. That is the reason why half the population suffers, because we do not care. We do not want to work together for a better world. we want to live our idea of ''free choice'' that depends on money ( or if you are religious you practice your choice to praise god or burn for eternity in hell - that is not a choice).

We must work together as a group as equals in order for us to become a strong standing and effective race - otherwise we will destroy our colony/earth. It is already happening.

So lets stop out bullcrap and work together based on the understanding that it must be done. Help us and join us and contribute towards a new world system where life is what is best for the whole/all/ earth.

Only at www.equalmoney.org  - do you think we cant do it? YES WE CAN!!!!! (obama wont change a thing - click the link and vote to make a real difference) 

Day 113 - Rushing even when Eating!

 

Ok - Another point I noticed is that I am rushing while I eat - I want to eat fast so that I can get to other things  - so here follows the words to change myself to that I do not rush while I eat when it is really unnecessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be in a rush while I am eating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am wasting my time if I do not rush when I eat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I eat to think about all the things I still have to do  and thus I am not here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Breath and be here when I eat and be aware of myself by being here in the moment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have no reason to rush or be in a hurry and that it is my believe that I am wasting time that I hurry when eating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushing a part of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my fear of not having enough time to want to do everything fast

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware that I am rushing while I eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushing and haste  a habit where I do it with everything I do even when eating and showering when there's is not real need to be

I commit myself to when I eat to be aware of myself so that I can stop rushing  and also I breathe and be here in the moment

I commit myself to stop making rushing a part of my life and to stop being hasty all the time - instead I calm myself and be here

I commit myself to to stop the belief that I am wasting time if I eat and not rush - instead I realize that I  eating and showering is necessary

I commit myself to stop living in the future and to worry about the things I still have to do - instead I make sure I am here in the moment.

I commit myself to realize that things take time and there is nothing i an do about that - so I commit myself to stop worrying

I commit myself to when i eat to realize what had to be done for this food to be here in front of me - from the people who plowed the fields to planting the seeds and money and effort and hard work -the fuel needed for transport - the people driving and trying to make a living and the people suffering having so little - all of this so that i can have food. I commit myself to never take my food in vain.

Day 112 - Rushing, Always Rushing!

 

Time and fear of not having enough creeps up in may ways and often results in Rushing. I have been writing about Time and how i rush and haste things. I have been driving in town and doing what I usually do when the person sitting next to me asking if I am in a rush. I had no reason to be yet still I was rushing. So here follows the steps to change me so that I stop rushing unnecessarily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a rush while driving in town when there is no reason to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushing a part of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my fear of not having enough time to want to do everything fast

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware that i am rushing while i drive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushing and haste  a habit where I do it with everything I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am wasting my time if I do not rush when I drive

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i have no reason to rush or be in a hurry and that it is my fear that i am wasting time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when i drive to think about all the things i still have to do when i get back and thus be in future and not here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Breath and be here when I drive and be aware of myself by being here in the moment

I commit myself to when I drive to be aware of myself and stop rushing - instead I breathe and be here in the moment

I commit myself to stop making rushing a part of my life and to stop being hasty all the time - instead I calm myself and be here

I commit myself to to stop the belief that I am wasting time if I drive and not rush - instead I realize that I driving is necessary and if i rush i will be less aware of the road and have a greater chance of being in a accident

I commit myself to stop living in the future and to worry about the things I still have to do when I drive - instead I make sure I am here in the moment.

I commit myself to realize that things take time and there is nothing i an do about that - so i commit myself to stop worrying

Day 111 - Being Grumpy After a power nap

 

Today I had a 20min nap. I woke up feeling very irritated and grumpy and this always happens after short naps.

Its when I decide that I want to nap for a hour or two, but what happens most of the time I will wake up after 10 to 20 minutes and get angry about not sleeping for the amount of time I wanted. I usually wake up  feeling even more tired with a heavy feeling in my whole body and I simply cannot go back to sleep, because im very grumpy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I wake up early from a nap to be grumpy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that i was not able to sleep for the set amount of time I allocated

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in this grumpiness become snappy and easily snap at people in my irritation 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to be angry after I wake up early and not being able to go back to sleep - believing that i have wasted my time now and made matters worse since i feel more tired

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my anxiousness and fear of not having enough time influence me in such a way that i cannot take naps

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to have naps, because i fear I am wasting my time

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to listen to my body when it shows me I need rest, but to instead be stubborn and stay awake.

I commit myself to stop being grumpy when i wake up early from a nap - instead I breathe and go back to sleep

I commit myself to stop being angry at myself for not sleeping enough when taking a nap

I commit myself to stop being irritated and snap at people - instead I breath and make sure I do not react

I commit myself to stop the belief that I am wasting my time when I take a nap when tired

I commit myself to stop being stubborn and when my body needs sleeps i commit myself to sleep.

I commit myself to before I sleep to breathe and calm myself so that I am clear when before i sleep

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