Day 48 - How alcohol destroys life and why to stop it

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seek for ways to make myself feel better in life because there is so much i don't like about it and with drinking alcohol I can suppress all the bad things in my life

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i can drown my sorrows by drinking it all away and in that make my life not seem so bad

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use alcohol as an excuse to not sort out my life and take self responsibility but to instead try and forget by drinking

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that as long as i drink alcohol as a cure for all my problems - my life will never change - because i see my life as ok when i drink thus not giving myself a reason to change myself and deal with my problems

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to then in moment become overwhelmed  with sadness in my drunken state and then to try make that go away by drinking more - not realizing that by suppressing all my problems they accumulate and eventually come out and this is proof that i cannot drink away my problems

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself go when drinking alcohol and in this lose the ability to suppress myself any longer and become overwhelmed with anger and rage which i have been suppressing through out my life

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that drinking alcohol i loose my self directive and become possessed by  all my feelings, thoughts and emotions and all the backchat  - in this I become a very dangerous being that could harm another depending on my suppressions

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself by destroying my body and my life with drinking - believing that i don't deserve a life

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately throw my life away and gave away self responsibility so that i can have an excuse not to face myself and the choices i made  and to use alcohol as the perfect excuse to not change - and then to create the believe and choice that alcohol has power over me and i cant stop it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i do not have the power to stop drinking - not realizing that i am the one who DECIDED to drink and i gave my power away - i created this and in that i can DECIDE to not drink my life away and to commit myself to this choice

I commit myself to stop seeking ways outside myself to make myself feel better and to make my life seem better like drinking alcohol - but to instead look within myself and to sort out my problems

I commit myself to stop hiding and running away from my problems and to keep on suppressing them but to instead face myself and sort myself out

I commit myself to stop using alcohol as an excuse for not taking self responsibility for my life and the reason for why i cannot change

I commit myself to take self responsibility by looking at the choices i have made over the years  that shaped who i am today and what i allow and don't allow - and to change them accordingly

I commit myself to see that i am the creator and that i created this belief that alcohol has power over me and that is what i decided to be true - and as the creator i commit myself to stop this belief and to take my power back by choosing to stop alcohol and to let go of the hold that alcohol has on me realizing that it is not real

I commit myself to become self directive and to not allow anything outside myself to direct who I am 

I commit myself to stop punishing myself but to let go of the past so that i can move on with my life