Sunday, 10 May 2015

Day 286: Relationships – Why this Desire will be the end of you.


1920x1200I  know the title may sound a tad bit dramatic, but so is life so sit back and relax and continue reading – you just might learn something. We all have this – the desire to be with someone. It becomes more prominent in our teenage years where most of that time is spent on chasing or finding “ THE ONE”. I know I had my fair share of chasing and trying to find somebody to love. It’s a dangerous thing really – Desire - and I’ll show you why.

Desire is something that will completely direct and control your life. Desire is such a feel good feeling that we simply give into without much fight. Desire is something that will override any common sense or particular principles you live by – you simply forget all of that and follow the desire no matter where the road ends. That is what makes Desire so dangerous – you lose direction in your life by giving in to desire.

I’m sure many of us had those moments – where the point of desire stares you right in the face and all you have to do is give in, lean in and grab it – no matter the consequences. And at that moment all common sense fades away and it just feels right.

For me it was a girl, a long time ago. You know the story: Boy meets girl, they become best friends, after time they become more. The only twist was that the girl had a boyfriend. Now I am what you would call a nice guy. I always saw myself as a person who would not date a girl who already has a boyfriend, but my desire showed me otherwise. I remember what went through my head – what made me do it. This desire for relationships simply took over any reasoning or common sense or morals or principles I lived by – I simply said F**k that and gave in. And so began a secret behind the scenes relationship rooted from desire.

So that’s a simple example of Desire. The problem with Desire and what makes it so dangerous is that it’s something we really really want. We do not want to look at it objectively and let it go when we know it will not benefit our lives or who we are. Instead we want to chase that desire, that feel good feeling. When it comes to the desire for relationships – we meet someone and we really want to make it work – simply because we desire having a relationship. What most do not see here is that it’s not the other person they actually like, but it’s the idea of having a relationship that they are after. So in the end it has very little to do with the actual person you found, but rather its all about having the desire of relationship fulfilled.

And that is no way of actually living – chasing this desire or idea of relationship. Would it not be better if it was real? Curing aloneness is not by being with somebody else. Chasing relationships is not the answer to filling the emptiness you feel. The first step is getting to know yourself, and being comfortable with yourself, and caring for yourself and loving yourself.

A real relationship has nothing to do with fulfillment or desire – it’s taking responsibility for another being and supporting them to be the best they can be. Now, what does that mean exactly? Let us see the answer in the next blog

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