Day 111 - Being Grumpy After a power nap

 

Today I had a 20min nap. I woke up feeling very irritated and grumpy and this always happens after short naps.

Its when I decide that I want to nap for a hour or two, but what happens most of the time I will wake up after 10 to 20 minutes and get angry about not sleeping for the amount of time I wanted. I usually wake up  feeling even more tired with a heavy feeling in my whole body and I simply cannot go back to sleep, because im very grumpy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I wake up early from a nap to be grumpy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that i was not able to sleep for the set amount of time I allocated

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in this grumpiness become snappy and easily snap at people in my irritation 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to be angry after I wake up early and not being able to go back to sleep - believing that i have wasted my time now and made matters worse since i feel more tired

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my anxiousness and fear of not having enough time influence me in such a way that i cannot take naps

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to have naps, because i fear I am wasting my time

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to listen to my body when it shows me I need rest, but to instead be stubborn and stay awake.

I commit myself to stop being grumpy when i wake up early from a nap - instead I breathe and go back to sleep

I commit myself to stop being angry at myself for not sleeping enough when taking a nap

I commit myself to stop being irritated and snap at people - instead I breath and make sure I do not react

I commit myself to stop the belief that I am wasting my time when I take a nap when tired

I commit myself to stop being stubborn and when my body needs sleeps i commit myself to sleep.

I commit myself to before I sleep to breathe and calm myself so that I am clear when before i sleep

Also check out the free online course in self improvement -  http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 110 - Stress And Storms

 

A few days ago we had another Storm. Now when the previous storm hit i noticed that I became very anxious and start to stress out. I worry about what damage can occur with this storm. Specifically our dam wall and river wall. overtime it rains allot out river flows - the more rain the more powerful it flows. I do this every time a storm hits - and lately there has been allot of storms.

So i fear that the  the heavy rain will cause the river to flood and wash away our wall which will cause allot of damage if it does. The point i realize within this is that it doesn't’’ matter if I stress or not - it will not change a thing. It is to be aware of the point and to make all the precautions to make sure that the wall doesn't’ break. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious whenever a storm hits

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start to stress out during the storm, because there is no way for me to check the damage while the storm is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the river wall or dam wall broke and that its causing major damage along the way  even though I have no way of knowing yet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when a storm hits to fear the worst

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when A storm hit during the day close to horses time to fear we will have to fetch them while the storm is still going.and fear being hit by lighting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in this stress become frustrated and on edge where I will snap at others

I commit myself to not/s top stress and not/stop be anxious when there  is a big storm, but to instead breathe through it and enjoy the show.

I commit myself to stop expecting the worst when there is a big storm - instead I realize there is nothing i can do about it while its storming

I commit myself to stop the fear that something bad might happen like the river wall breaking - instead i breathe, inspect after the storm and do what's necessary to make sure the wall holds strong in the future so that I will have no excuse to worry.

I commit myself to stop the fear of pain of being hit by lighting or that the horses will freak out and become dangerous to walk them back in a storm - instead I make sure we get the horses before a storm hits -

if it does and we have to walk them in the middle of a storm i then stop my fear and stay calm and realize that my fear of being hit wont make the lighting not hit me.

Day 109 - Public School fees Becoming Unaffordable

 

Equal Money Solution Blog:

http://equalmoneysolution.blogspot.com/2012/10/public-school-fees-becoming-unaffordable.html

Day 108 - Doing it for Others

 

Please read this first quickly to understand this blog

  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only do things for other people and ignore myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i do not need to take care of myself and that i must dedicate my life to only help others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that other people are more important than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place other things like people and tasks above me where I am inferior an not important

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others have more worth than I do

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i cannot only help others, but that i must also assist myself so that I can become more effective in assisting others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when participating  in farm activities to not be aware of myself in what I do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write music for others, not realizing that ill be more effective and it would be more enjoyable if I wrote for myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only write these blogs for other people and not me, not realizing that this is the reason why its so difficult for me to write, I'm missing me within it

I commit myself to write for me, for me to become more effective and in that as I become more effective I can assist other better  - write for myself for others.

I commit myself to write music for myself as others

I commit myself to stop placing others above me, to stop seeing others as more important, worthy, but to instead stand equal.

I commit myself to when I participate in farm activities like planting trees, to not only do it so that the tree can grow  -for the tree - but to also do it for me - where im aware of myself and the plant and realize that I'm working with a living being.

I commit myself to realize that I will always stay the same if I do not change something -

I commit myself to be aware of myself always

I realize the reason why I do what I do - because I understand there is a problem in the world and that I have the power to change it - through writing fir me to become more effective for others to also realize there's a solution. Trough music as to bring a message across and living as an example.

Give yourself to the power to be free - www.desteni.org.

Give yourself a life where all beings are free - www.equalmoney.org

Day 107 - Why am I doing what I'm Doing?

Today I am looking at Why am doing what I do - specifically related to writing, music and farm.
The first thing that came up was another question - for who am i doing this? For who do i write music and these blogs? And the answer - for others.
I am wring to assist people who face similar problems as to give them clarity. I write music for  the same reason and so that others can hear and see a point they didn't knew existed or how. I Also with farm activities like planting trees - I'm planting and watering the tree so that it can grow. I'm cutting the grass so that the horses can eat and have nice soft beds to sleep. Lots of examples, but did not see any problem with this  until now.
And for a while it was foe for me to live like this, unfortunately i missed a crucial point within all I do - ME.
I'm still living my life ignoring myself and placing others as more important than me. so much so that I completely disregard myself when doing something like writing. This is My journey to life - yes my writings may assist some as that is in part why i post it online. But I should write for myself - otherwise if i write for others this becomes very difficult
When planting a tree who am i within it? I enjoy farm activities like working with fruit trees, but because i do not consider myself, meaning I am not aware of myself when planting trees then Its like work-  I miss out.
Same with music - it has become difficult to get a song out - because I ''forgot'' about myself. I worry about what others will think about the song and how they will judge the song. What happens then is that making music becomes a chore and my effectiveness is reduced. I should be writing musing for myself - then its fun and allot easier.
yesterday i wrote a bit on anger - constantly dedicating yourself for others only can become frustrating and is also very limited depending how effective you are. What mean by that is If i do not work for myself and do things for myself as well as others then I will be limited to who i am now. Also i will miss out of life. 
Stay tuned for the next episode featuring exclusively - all about self consideration and stopping limitation - right here tomorrow. Thanks for reading 

Day 106 - Anger

When I become angry or irritated because of something that is happening to me – like somebody doing/saying something that I take personally and want to lash out at them – all common sense goes out the door and my actions become unreasonable.

Its feels like I’m stuck in a sort of mode that I hold on to, and while in this mode I simply become nasty. Thoughts run through my head where I portray myself as superior to the person who made me angry and how I am always right and the person is wrong.
Now when I step out of this mode, I can see my mistake.
But when im in this mode, I am right and everybody else is wrong.  

This is a reaction that is not directed, because my actions and words are directed by the anger.
Instead of directing the anger into a self directive action where the words I speak will consider all that is involved at that moment and that it will be supportive and according to what is best for all.

It is not to stop anger, but to direct yourself, instead of being dire by anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overcome with anger where I do not have control over what I say

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when someone says something that offends me to take it personally and react in anger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the anger is real - not realizing that it originates from a thought - which has no substance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lash out at people and become completely unreasonable when I’m angry.

More on this tomorrow

Day 105 - Breathe

 

A new Development.

I got myself a hemorrhoid. Its an extremely painful bump that occurs on your asshole and related to constipation. So here follows some points in regards to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I got this hemorrhoid to become angry at myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated, because I believe i cant get anything right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated at this new development, because what is happening to me just becomes worse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up, because i believe that i am doing my best and that this new development means that my best is not good enough.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to force myself to get better without considering my body and consequences

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe so that I can be fully here all of me in order to fully assist myself as my body so that there is a consistent flow in all that i do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let feelings and emotions direct me in making me feel that there is no end to this - that there will always be something wrong with me and that I have no choice within this.

I commit myself to stop the anger when a new problem presents itself, instead I find the source of it and deal with it.

I commit myself to stop being irritated, instead I realize there no point to being irritated

I commit myself to stop the frustration and realize that its backchat - instead I stop the backchat

I commit myself to stop the belief that if new problems arise then I am not good enough

I commit myself to consider myself and my body by breathing so that I can be fully here all of me in order to fully assist myself as my body so that there is a consistent flow in all that I do

I commit myself to realize that this is a process and there will be new points and problems that will creep up so i commit myself to deal with it as I have done with other problems and realize that i do have the power and overcome them as have chose to do it.