Day 205: Anger - The Inner self created Hell

 

 

  Anger is often described as an all-consuming fire that rages within. And that is a pretty accurate description. So what is it that lights the fire? What is it starts the spark and sets loose the anger within? What is the fuel that keeps it going? It could be many things or one thing – maybe someone insulted you or there is a crazy driver in front of you. Maybe you took something personally or you are tired of something. Whatever the reason there is only answer as to what or who puts the match to the inner fire of anger - ME.

Whatever the reason is the anger is always created by yourself. If someone insults me and I get angry – I am the one who allowed the anger within me. The same in any situation – I am always the one creating the anger.

For example a few months ago I developed back problems. Now I was very active physically so a bad back made it almost impossible for me to do simple things. Eventually the whole situation made me angry. What happened then is that whenever my back hurt I would get angry – so I linked anger to my back pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry because I am unable to do things I usually could since my back got hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to this anger and became quickly reactive and irritable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I created this anger within myself and that I am the one who allowed it to continue exist within me – within this I am the only one who can let it go.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to when I am angry to feed the anger by with thoughts and backchat to keep the anger going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry at myself, because I judged myself as being useless. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself a useless and whenever I was unable to do a task to allow myself to create anger within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever my back pain got bad to immediately react with anger – instead of breathing through it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link my back pain directly to anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the anger and not let go of the anger and stop it as soon as it comes up.

I commit myself to realize that I am always the one who creates the reactions within myself and that I am responsible for every one of them.

I commit myself to stop getting angry at myself when I am unable to do something – instead I breathe and realize that anger will not solve anything

I commit myself to when I do get angry to stop the anger and immediately let it go and not to feed the anger with backchat and thoughts.

I commit myself to stop judging myself as being useless and getting angry about it – instead I do what I am able to and realize that it is all I can do.

I commit myself to stop linking my back pain to anger – instead when the pain comes I breathe through it and do not react.

So yes – pain is painful, but it is useless and pointless to get all angry about it. In the End it is not the pain that causes anger. I create I anger.

Day 156 - Ask and you shall receive - Or Be silent and suffer

 

 

The heading seems a bit gloomy and doomy, which is how I feel today. I’ll start with words of wisdom that each one should take to heart and live by, for it will make your life easier and take away some of the struggle: ''Read the Manual''

With most things that require assembling, like a cupboard or a table - they include this piece of paper that has all the instructions on how to assemble it. Some people completely ignore this ‘holy grail’ believing they do not need such a thing - stubbornly claiming ''I can do it myself '' or " I'm a manly man and manuals are mainly for plainly wussy people''. Most of the time this stubbornness leads to a scene of a very irritated ''manly man'' struggling to assemble the thing and in his effort to protect his pride, absolutely refuses any help.

Read the manual - they put it there for a reason. And I can tell you from experience as a person who reads the manual that it has made my life easier. So heed my words as this is one of life's lessons that I have learned.

Now to some other words of wisdom. What  you are about to read will amaze you in its simplicity and how astonishingly helpful it will be once you apply this: ''Ask and you shall receive''

I have not yet fully grasped this wisdom as of yet -Even though I Read the Manual, which is like asking for assistance. I will explain my conundrum and the reason for my gloominess. Yesterday evening I was helping out with preparing my stable. The power was out which meant we had to fill up the water buckets underneath the tap and then carry them to the stables. With my Graves disease I have been inactive and not as strong as I used to be and I also have back problems so as I was filling up this water bucket of doom I knew it would be too much of a strain on my back to carry it and I should ASK so that I can RECIEVE assistance. Alas I did not and told myself that ''I can do it myself''. I carried that bucket and immediately regretted my decision - it was a great struggle for me and today I suffered the consequences. My back has been very sore today.

All could have been avoided if I simply asked for help like I ask those manuals filled with great wisdom.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask for assistance when I require it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I am not capable anymore of carrying heavy things to see it as me being useless and unhelpful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn and believe that I do not need any help when I can clearly see that I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an emotional reaction to me not being as strong as I used to be and see that as me being weak, not seeing for what it really is which is simply me not being as strong as I used to be – and this only from a ‘physical perspective’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prove that I am not weak by trying to carry something I am clearly not capable of carrying - not realizing that strength has nothing to do with muscle power and instead has all to do with my beingness/who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for doing such a silly thing and judging myself because of it.

I commit myself to ask for assistance when I need it

I commit myself to stop the belief that I am useless because I cannot help out with heavy objects anymore - Instead I realize that my body is not as strong anymore and thus I am physically unable to carry heavy things

I commit myself to stop being stubborn and instead listen to common sense

I commit myself to stop the reaction to me not being as strong as I used to be and seeing myself as weak, Instead I see it for what is really is - I am simply not strong anymore and there is nothing weak about it - it simply is

I commit myself to stop judging myself when I did something silly - instead I learn from the event and make sure I do not do it again

I commit myself to stop being angry at myself for hurting my back - instead I stop the anger and realize that anger will do nothing but fumigate me and is useless. I turn that anger into something practical like finding the reason why I hurt myself so that I do not do it again.