Day 156 - Ask and you shall receive - Or Be silent and suffer

 

 

The heading seems a bit gloomy and doomy, which is how I feel today. I’ll start with words of wisdom that each one should take to heart and live by, for it will make your life easier and take away some of the struggle: ''Read the Manual''

With most things that require assembling, like a cupboard or a table - they include this piece of paper that has all the instructions on how to assemble it. Some people completely ignore this ‘holy grail’ believing they do not need such a thing - stubbornly claiming ''I can do it myself '' or " I'm a manly man and manuals are mainly for plainly wussy people''. Most of the time this stubbornness leads to a scene of a very irritated ''manly man'' struggling to assemble the thing and in his effort to protect his pride, absolutely refuses any help.

Read the manual - they put it there for a reason. And I can tell you from experience as a person who reads the manual that it has made my life easier. So heed my words as this is one of life's lessons that I have learned.

Now to some other words of wisdom. What  you are about to read will amaze you in its simplicity and how astonishingly helpful it will be once you apply this: ''Ask and you shall receive''

I have not yet fully grasped this wisdom as of yet -Even though I Read the Manual, which is like asking for assistance. I will explain my conundrum and the reason for my gloominess. Yesterday evening I was helping out with preparing my stable. The power was out which meant we had to fill up the water buckets underneath the tap and then carry them to the stables. With my Graves disease I have been inactive and not as strong as I used to be and I also have back problems so as I was filling up this water bucket of doom I knew it would be too much of a strain on my back to carry it and I should ASK so that I can RECIEVE assistance. Alas I did not and told myself that ''I can do it myself''. I carried that bucket and immediately regretted my decision - it was a great struggle for me and today I suffered the consequences. My back has been very sore today.

All could have been avoided if I simply asked for help like I ask those manuals filled with great wisdom.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask for assistance when I require it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I am not capable anymore of carrying heavy things to see it as me being useless and unhelpful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn and believe that I do not need any help when I can clearly see that I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an emotional reaction to me not being as strong as I used to be and see that as me being weak, not seeing for what it really is which is simply me not being as strong as I used to be – and this only from a ‘physical perspective’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prove that I am not weak by trying to carry something I am clearly not capable of carrying - not realizing that strength has nothing to do with muscle power and instead has all to do with my beingness/who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for doing such a silly thing and judging myself because of it.

I commit myself to ask for assistance when I need it

I commit myself to stop the belief that I am useless because I cannot help out with heavy objects anymore - Instead I realize that my body is not as strong anymore and thus I am physically unable to carry heavy things

I commit myself to stop being stubborn and instead listen to common sense

I commit myself to stop the reaction to me not being as strong as I used to be and seeing myself as weak, Instead I see it for what is really is - I am simply not strong anymore and there is nothing weak about it - it simply is

I commit myself to stop judging myself when I did something silly - instead I learn from the event and make sure I do not do it again

I commit myself to stop being angry at myself for hurting my back - instead I stop the anger and realize that anger will do nothing but fumigate me and is useless. I turn that anger into something practical like finding the reason why I hurt myself so that I do not do it again.