Today I am writing about rushing. The need to hurry and do things with haste. Why did I rush things with various farm activities? How did it become so normal and a part of me that i did not notice it anymore?
Whenever I faced rushing it was with important tasks. For example replacing fences. We have horses and the fencing that was originally on the farm was not ideal for them and imposed a risk that they could hurt themselves. Prevention is the best cure - so any points that we see might harm other beings on the farm like horses we find ways to prevent it and in this case it was taking out the old fence and place in a new one that is horse friendly.
Within this I had the belief that if I do not rush and hurry to get the fencing done then the horses might hurt themselves and it would be my fault. The horses weren't really in any danger and possibility that they might hurt themselves were very small so there was any need to rush. Another example was building a nursery. The sooner we get it done the sooner we can plant veggies so I rushed to get it done fast. When I do something I should do it to the best of my ability - I defined ''the best of my ability'' as doing something as fast as possible and lived it.
When I was in rushing mode I would feel pumped up - almost like an adrenaline rush and within this physically move fast. I would also get tired sooner, but get done sooner. There would also be anxiety and I would think about others tasks ahead while busy with my current task. Sometimes this leads to me making a mistake and then get really angry, because I would first have to fix the mistake before continuing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush while doing tasks believing the only logical way of dealing with a multitude of tasks is to hurry up with your current one - not realizing that it was never about the tasks getting done, but more an opportunity to expand myself and learn more about myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that doing something to the best of my ability also includes doing something as fast as possible, not realizing that rushing is not an ability, but a consequence of using my mind to do physical work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when doing something to fear what will happen if I take too long with it - fearing possible consequences and within this cause anxiety and out of that fear and anxiety I rush.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I was rushing out of fear of possible consequences so much so that it became natural to me to hurry and rush and made it part of my life.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by rushing I was not in fact HERE in the physical, but in my mind and within this I tend to make more mistakes and missed out on the physical world around me.
I commit myself to stop rushing through points, instead I breath and be here in the physical
I commit myself to stop fearing possible consequences and stop projecting myself into the future when I am busy with something that is physically here - instead I breathe and focus with what I am busy with
I commit myself to stop the belief that the only way to deal with many tasks is to rush through them - instead I realize that if I rush I will miss out on the world around me and points within myself within what I am doing and thus robbing myself from the opportunity to learn more about myself
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