Part 3: The great Gifts ( And Downfalls) Of Being an Introvert - Stepping Past Limitations

 

Part 3: The great Gifts ( And Downfalls) Of Being an Introvert - Is Change possible?

I have been looking over the Internet and at the general idea of how people see Introverts. I have defined myself as an introvert and many points I read I can relate to. So today I want to give some perspective on introverts from personal experience, because what I have found in my life is that people do not fully understand the nature of an introvert and this leads to miscommunication and other problems

In part 2 I went into more detail with the traits: Being and Observer and Disliking small talk. Today I'm going to look at the other 2 common aspects of being an introvert which is:

Like Being Alone and Avoiding Conflict

I like spending time by myself. This does not mean I always want to be alone, simply that I like being alone and I am comfortable with myself. This I also see as a gift, because some people have a hard time being alone and need to always have someone to be comfortable.

The problem here with liking being alone comes when I am in social situations, sometimes it gets too much and then I feel the need to “escape” and be alone again. Also sometimes I will not feel like talking to people and will try and avoid/hide from people whenever possible or keep conversations short. There is a direct link between avoiding people and like being alone – with being alone it is not possible to develop any social skills. So the more you are around people the more you want to be alone again, because you lack the skills to participate.

It’s almost the point with avoiding conflict. In my previous post I wrote I wrote dealing with conflict means dealing with very forward kind if aggressive people which is something introvert really do not like. The reason for this is because of the lack of communication skills. Imagine a person being angry and starts shouting at you demanding things right now – and being an introvert needing time to look for words dealing with a person who simply spits out words – not a match there. So it’s easier to avoid conflict than deal with it.

The problem with that is when something is bothering you about a person, or you see something that might support another you will not speak up and instead keep it to yourself, because you fear dealing with the conflict. How can you effectively support a person if you are afraid to speak up?

To sum it all up – The main point here for me is that I never developed effective communication, because when I was younger I created a resistance towards it and so adapted myself to live with this inability to communicate properly and even created a whole personality from it just so that I do not have to face the resistance. So within all of this I actually created the introvert inside me. I wonder how different my life would have been if I chose to face the point and practiced communication to not be an introvert – but then I would not have developed all the other skills I have now.

I cannot change the past, but I can change my future. I Keep the gifts of being an introvert and start starting working on the downfalls and other points where I have difficulty like practicing communication.

Thanks for reading – and to the introverts reading this: There is nothing wrong with you, but being an introvert has its limitations. You do have the power to stop and move past the

Part 2: The Great Gifts ( and Downfalls) Of being an Introvert - Sinking Relationships

 

This is a continuation of my previous blog, read here for context: 

 The great Gifts ( And Downfalls) Of Being an Introvert - Is Change possible?

 

Today I am look at two points which is being an observer and disliking small talk which are common traits with Introverts. There is nothing wrong with this, and both aspects have great benefits, but also comes with problems especially in relationships:

Observer and Disliking Small Talk

In the Social Setting:

The cool things about being an observer is it give you a chance to look at people and general human behavior as well as some insights. This makes you a good listener and the ability to give good advice with peoples problems. I take my time to respond; because I look at the words I speak instead of just saying whatever comes to mind. This has the benefit of not having verbal diarrhea.

The problem with this is that you do not actually participate. For me I have found it hard to communicate in a group setting.  It’s fine if I was with friends, but in a group I would mostly watch than actually speak. The reason why I found it difficult was because I never really developed the skill for myself. I remember I had resistance towards speaking in a group setting and that was based on fear of ridicule, or being misunderstood or saying something that might offend someone. And because I never pushed past this resistance and fear I never gave myself the opportunity to expand my skills and instead developed the “ silent type” personality.

When I was younger I mumbled allot and people would generally ask me to repeat myself, because I did not form words carefully. This irritated me so much when I say something and people go “excuse me?”. So what I have done is taught myself to form my words properly to make sure people can actually hear what I am saying.

And so started a process of “correcting” this behavior of myself to teach myself how to communicate effectively in a group setting, because sometimes I do want to say something, but fear that I won’t be able to convey what I want to say effectively or take too long to find the right words and have people stare at me wondering why I suddenly went quite. This has become better for me, where I push through the resistance and fear and do not let it direct me – where I direct myself and say what I wanted to say, but sometimes I still allow the fear so it’s a work in progress.

In relationships:

In a relationship being an observer is a problem, because you want to actually participate in the relationship. If you keep on being an observer that ship will sink soon, because the one thing that makes relationships work is effective communication.

The big thing that has always been difficult for me was to express myself with words, I could never find the right words and every time I try to explain it doesn’t really come out right. This made me reluctant to say exactly how I feel, because I created the belief and idea that I suck at expressing myself and will never be good at it. The only reason I am not good at it is because I did not practice it enough – in the past I tended to give up instead of pushing through and practice to get better at expressing myself. This is also partly why I became a musician – because I could express myself through writing music.

I’m lucky to have a person who pushes me with this point to develop communication skills. You cannot have a lasting relationship without actually participating and expressing and communicating so that is why it is important to develop these skills. Stop the fear and the beliefs you created about yourself and push through the resistance in order to develop effective communication skills. To those who belief that change is not possible – it is possible. I myself have come a long way from that person who mumbled. It is still a work in progress, but I have indeed changed.

Next blog will be about the aspects of Being alone and avoiding conflict and how to support yourself within that.

Day 245 The great Gifts ( And Downfalls) Of Being an Introvert - Is Change possible?

   I have been looking over the internet and at the general idea of how people see Introverts. I have defined myself as an introvert and many points I read I can relate to. So today I want to give some perspective on introverts from personal experience, because what I have found in my life is that people do not fully understand the nature of an introvert and this leads to miscommunication and other problems.

Another point I came across is that the people who wrote these post about being introverts have another thing in common – there is the belief that they will never change and always be introverted.
 Or specifically that if you are an introvert – you cannot change it.

This is false, you can change it you should change it in fact, not by becoming an extrovert, but by understanding that even though introversion has its benefits it also has major drawbacks especially in relationships.

So here is a short list of most common traits in Introverts:
1.Being an Observer –
Introverts do not speak much. In social situations I tend to simply observe and be perfectly content with listening rather that actually speaking. This gave me great insight towards people in general – My eyes trained well over the years so I can pick up on small things in people, like moods for example. Also became a very good listener. Unfortunately the drawback of this is unable to communicate effectively in a group.
2. Don’t see the point in small talk
I always disliked this part – small talk. For example talking about the weather, “ it’s a cold day today” – yes I know that thanks, I can feel it just fine. It is not that I dislike talking; I would have no problem talking about something I enjoy, but never saw the point in small talk and mostly think it’s a waste of time. When I do talk I use only the words necessary to convey what I would like to say.

I also tend to not respond immediately, I choose my words carefully before I speak which might seems strange to some people when they ask me something and there is a silence.

This also falls in with being an observer and the drawback here is not developing effective communication. I now find it very hard to express exactly how I feel with words and sometimes I cannot find the words right away and need to really look deep. Writing is fine, because it gives me time to look.
3.Enjoy being alone
I always liked being alone and spending time with myself. It does not mean I always want to be alone, simply that I enjoy spending time with myself. I am comfortable with being by myself which is a cool thing. The only problem here is that when I am in social situations for too long I want to get away and be by myself again.
 
4.Dislike conflict
Yes. Most people have an issue with conflict and would like to avoid it, introverts more so, Because dealing with conflict means dealing with very forward kind if aggressive people which is something introvert really do not like. The reason for this is because of the lack of communication skills. Imagine a person being angry and starts shouting at you demanding things right now – and being an introvert needing time to look for words dealing with a person who simply spits out words – not a match there.

So what I will do on my next post is go onto more detail and show why it’s beneficial being an introvert and a curse and how to change the cursed parts and keep all that is good to become a more effective human being.


Part 2

Part 3