Monday, 20 October 2014

Part 2: The Great Gifts ( and Downfalls) Of being an Introvert - Sinking Relationships


This is a continuation of my previous blog, read here for context: 

 The great Gifts ( And Downfalls) Of Being an Introvert - Is Change possible?


Today I am look at two points which is being an observer and disliking small talk which are common traits with Introverts. There is nothing wrong with this, and both aspects have great benefits, but also comes with problems especially in relationships:

ambivertObserver and Disliking Small Talk

In the Social Setting:

The cool things about being an observer is it give you a chance to look at people and general human behavior as well as some insights. This makes you a good listener and the ability to give good advice with peoples problems. I take my time to respond; because I look at the words I speak instead of just saying whatever comes to mind. This has the benefit of not having verbal diarrhea.

The problem with this is that you do not actually participate. For me I have found it hard to communicate in a group setting.  It’s fine if I was with friends, but in a group I would mostly watch than actually speak. The reason why I found it difficult was because I never really developed the skill for myself. I remember I had resistance towards speaking in a group setting and that was based on fear of ridicule, or being misunderstood or saying something that might offend someone. And because I never pushed past this resistance and fear I never gave myself the opportunity to expand my skills and instead developed the “ silent type” personality.

When I was younger I mumbled allot and people would generally ask me to repeat myself, because I did not form words carefully. This irritated me so much when I say something and people go “excuse me?”. So what I have done is taught myself to form my words properly to make sure people can actually hear what I am saying.

And so started a process of “correcting” this behavior of myself to teach myself how to communicate effectively in a group setting, because sometimes I do want to say something, but fear that I won’t be able to convey what I want to say effectively or take too long to find the right words and have people stare at me wondering why I suddenly went quite. This has become better for me, where I push through the resistance and fear and do not let it direct me – where I direct myself and say what I wanted to say, but sometimes I still allow the fear so it’s a work in progress.

In relationships:

In a relationship being an observer is a problem, because you want to actually participate in the relationship. If you keep on being an observer that ship will sink soon, because the one thing that makes relationships work is effective communication.

The big thing that has always been difficult for me was to express myself with words, I could never find the right words and every time I try to explain it doesn’t really come out right. This made me reluctant to say exactly how I feel, because I created the belief and idea that I suck at expressing myself imagesand will never be good at it. The only reason I am not good at it is because I did not practice it enough – in the past I tended to give up instead of pushing through and practice to get better at expressing myself. This is also partly why I became a musician – because I could express myself through writing music.

I’m lucky to have a person who pushes me with this point to develop communication skills. You cannot have a lasting relationship without actually participating and expressing and communicating so that is why it is important to develop these skills. Stop the fear and the beliefs you created about yourself and push through the resistance in order to develop effective communication skills. To those who belief that change is not possible – it is possible. I myself have come a long way from that person who mumbled. It is still a work in progress, but I have indeed changed.

Next blog will be about the aspects of Being alone and avoiding conflict and how to support yourself within that.

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