Day 245 The great Gifts ( And Downfalls) Of Being an Introvert - Is Change possible?

   I have been looking over the internet and at the general idea of how people see Introverts. I have defined myself as an introvert and many points I read I can relate to. So today I want to give some perspective on introverts from personal experience, because what I have found in my life is that people do not fully understand the nature of an introvert and this leads to miscommunication and other problems.

Another point I came across is that the people who wrote these post about being introverts have another thing in common – there is the belief that they will never change and always be introverted.
 Or specifically that if you are an introvert – you cannot change it.

This is false, you can change it you should change it in fact, not by becoming an extrovert, but by understanding that even though introversion has its benefits it also has major drawbacks especially in relationships.

So here is a short list of most common traits in Introverts:
1.Being an Observer –
Introverts do not speak much. In social situations I tend to simply observe and be perfectly content with listening rather that actually speaking. This gave me great insight towards people in general – My eyes trained well over the years so I can pick up on small things in people, like moods for example. Also became a very good listener. Unfortunately the drawback of this is unable to communicate effectively in a group.
2. Don’t see the point in small talk
I always disliked this part – small talk. For example talking about the weather, “ it’s a cold day today” – yes I know that thanks, I can feel it just fine. It is not that I dislike talking; I would have no problem talking about something I enjoy, but never saw the point in small talk and mostly think it’s a waste of time. When I do talk I use only the words necessary to convey what I would like to say.

I also tend to not respond immediately, I choose my words carefully before I speak which might seems strange to some people when they ask me something and there is a silence.

This also falls in with being an observer and the drawback here is not developing effective communication. I now find it very hard to express exactly how I feel with words and sometimes I cannot find the words right away and need to really look deep. Writing is fine, because it gives me time to look.
3.Enjoy being alone
I always liked being alone and spending time with myself. It does not mean I always want to be alone, simply that I enjoy spending time with myself. I am comfortable with being by myself which is a cool thing. The only problem here is that when I am in social situations for too long I want to get away and be by myself again.
 
4.Dislike conflict
Yes. Most people have an issue with conflict and would like to avoid it, introverts more so, Because dealing with conflict means dealing with very forward kind if aggressive people which is something introvert really do not like. The reason for this is because of the lack of communication skills. Imagine a person being angry and starts shouting at you demanding things right now – and being an introvert needing time to look for words dealing with a person who simply spits out words – not a match there.

So what I will do on my next post is go onto more detail and show why it’s beneficial being an introvert and a curse and how to change the cursed parts and keep all that is good to become a more effective human being.


Part 2

Part 3

Day 189 - Why Speaking is so Difficult – The Silent Type

 

Thus far I have covered preferring to be alone, not being good with people and not being able to communicate effectively which are some of the dimensions behind a typical silent type character. Today I am going to write about speaking.

I have never been able to use words effectively to express myself. I could not say how I felt, because the words simply did not come to me in way that can explain it exactly. So I decided to not speak allot, because I felt it was a waste of time. What I did not realize back then is that the reason why the words did not come was because I did not have the words – I did not have the vocabulary. It is fascinating how such a decision greatly affected my life. If I realized the importance of vocabulary in my school days I would have done better at school. Instead I compromised myself and developed a personality and defined myself as being the strong silent type. A wonderful justification and excuse.

Looking at this whole situation I see now that being the silent type was not “just who I am”, it was a choice I made based on my fears and not having the tools to communicate effectively. I was not born this way – it was a choice and now I choose to rather be effective with communication. Now to go venture forth on my journey. Without an effective vocabulary I cannot be specific with words. I did not understand the importance of vocabulary back then. In School they say it is important to read – good advice I ignored.

The first step in effective communication is developing your vocabulary in order to use words effectively so that is what I am going to do – learn, understand and apply new words. Interesting point here is with me being a musician and writing songs I always had great difficulty writing lyrics for my music and that is because I did not have an effective vocabulary. If I had an effective vocabulary writing would be easier.

A very useful phrase I have learnt is that knowledge is useless without application. The next step is to place myself in situations where I use words and speak to explain things. This will assist me to communicate effectively and support me to get over that uncomfortable/nervousness I have whenever I explain things. A simple thing to do here would be to start doing Vlogs so that is what I will do – push through the resistances and make videos until speaking effectively is as natural as breathing.

Speak, king, quest, journey, video, vlog, support, DIY, directive, practical, loner, silent type, personality, Desteni