Day 211 - Does it really matter what others think of you? Really?

 

Today I am going to write about that urge we humans get to defend ourselves. Not from a physical attack, but specifically when someone says something about you that is not true.

Things like this happen – someone will say something about you that is not true and the reaction is usually you getting really angry. An example would work better: Let’s say it is my responsibility to keep a swimming pool clean. So for a few months I keep this swimming pool sparkling clean – it is so clean that you might think there is no water in there. This task becomes a reflection of who I am where I take pride in how good of a job I am doing at keeping this pool clean. Then one day somebody comes to me and say that I am not keeping the pool clean and not doing a proper job. My reaction would go something like this: Heart rate rising along with the anger bubbling up inside and going on the defensive by attacking the person.

Now the thing is that I know for a fact that I am doing a good job and what the person is saying is simply not true, but despite that I will still go into a massive reaction and get all angry at the person. It is that reaction I am writing about today – when someone says something about you that you now is not true, but still react with anger and a need to defend your “honor” so to speak.

This is a simple example. When you really look at this situation there is no need to get all angry at the person, there is no need to defend yourself even, yet so many of us do this. It does not matter what the other person thinks about you – all that matters is how you see yourself. Even after the whole event you will go into backchat and replay the event in your head where you fight with the other person and make yourself seem better than the other all the while generating a whole lot of anger within yourself. Not necessary!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger when somebody tell me something about myself that is not true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately want to defend myself and attacking the person verbally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the anger and allow it to influence myself and my words where I react according to how I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after the event create thoughts where I replay the event in my head and fight the person and place myself as the better person that always wins the argument.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is the other person who Is responsible for my reaction.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am the one who created the anger and reactions that followed within myself and therefor I cannot blame any other person or source outside myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there is no need to defend myself, because I know who I am and what I did and what others think of me is not important.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that becoming angry and going into an attack mode is not the only solution – that staying calm and stable and explaining the situation to the other person would be a more effective method, because then I would be directing the situation instead of me being directed by anger.

I commit myself to when somebody says something to me that is not true and I become angry to stop. Instead I breathe and realize that it doesn’t matter what others think or believe of me – I know who I am and what I do.

I commit myself to when I start replaying the event in my head and create backchat to stop – instead I realize that what happened is in the past and to create anger over something I cannot change is pointless.

I commit myself to realize that I am always responsible for my own reactions and I cannot blame any other person.