A Musician I am

 

Continuing from my previous blog - read here for context. 

In my previous blog what has been revealed was my starting point for being a musician and how I never really did it for myself; but rather to please others, fit in and be appreciated. This shows that I did not appreciate or value myself and searched for it in others. Within this I depended on other’s reactions and defined myself according to it.

The hours upon hours that goes into music creation started to become an effort for me and so the reason why it started to become not worth it for me. We would put so much into a song, but when it is released it does not get a lot of attention. As read above I have defined myself according to other people’s reactions/appreciation and thus in this situation I did not get the attention I wanted from others and then linked that to "making music is not worth it" and useless. Whereas if I make music as a self expression then it would not matter what the reaction is of others towards it.

It is interesting how points come together - In previous posts I wrote about "Doing it for myself", Self value and self worth. This is what has been missing - Self/Me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write/play music from the starting point to want others to appreciate me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my belief that music is an effort - to stop playing instruments altogether, because I believed there is no point to it and a waste of time .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see creating music as being an effort based on the amount of time that goes into it and the reaction I get from others and thus to see it as not worth it.

I forgive myself that have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the the reason I was looking for appreciation from others was because I did not appreciate or value myself, and thus was looking for it in others instead of giving it to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to other people’s reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to create music as a self-expression, as who I am, and to do it for myself - within this the only defining point is myself and not based on other people.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to play music simply as an enjoyment - to sit and play for  myself.

I commit myself to stop writing/playing music for only other people - instead I change my starting point to do it for myself as well as a self expression

I commit myself to stop the idea and belief I created that making music is an effort and not worth it based on the reaction I get from others and within this I commit myself to stop defining myself according to other people’s reactions and to instead be self directed

I commit myself to stop looking for value and appreciation from others - instead I gift it to myself