Journey to life Day 5 – Judging the Ignorant

On a Facebook picture that is making its rounds there is a boy holding a fox. The story is that he saw people kicking the fox and abusing it so he ran in and took the fox away from the men. The thing that pissed me off was the comments on this story.  people saying things like ‘’ God sent that boy to save the fox’’ or ‘’God bless him’’.

It pissed me off because if god sent that boy – he also put that fox in that position. It’s so ridiculous how delusion some people can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to another’s words

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that another can make me angry. not realising that I am the one creating the anger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with others peoples delusions and to judge them for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to realize that everybody is who they are according to who their parents where, the environment, society and education – therefor I cannot judge a person because everyone is in essence innocent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as the better person by judging them 

I commit myself to stop judging people for who they are and what they do, instead I do all I can to spread common sense

I commit myself to stop reacting to other peoples words ideas and believes and instead breathe

I commit myself to Stop blaming others for my reactions. I see that I am responsible for my reactions.

Day 4 – Escape to the Stars and Beyond

When I was young I liked lying down on the porch at night and stare at the stars. It filled me with amazement. Tonight I was sitting on a chair outside and looked at the stars – very bright and abundant from the farm which is  away from city light that drown out the sky. And as I looked at the stars I was filled with a longing. A want to just go there. But it’s more a want to get away from here – this world and all its shit - To leave it all behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be filled with a longing when I look at stars – a desire to escape this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape this world and seeing it as too much to change it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face the abuse and shit we have allowed in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing what we have allowed within this world, in this not wanting to take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take self-responsibility for what I have created part of this world

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for my world – seeing that when everybody takes self-responsibility for their worlds we create a self-responsible world

I commit myself to not face away from the shit of this world – but to do all I’m able to do my part in making it a world worth living in

I commit myself to not want to escape to an imaginary world where everything is fine – but instead I commit myself to actually create it and make it a reality

Day 3 - The best way to be fully awake in the mornings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tired and groggy when I wake up the mornings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the grogginess and tiredness is real and have power over me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give in to the tiredness and go back to sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thoughts about the day ahead of me influence me and make me tired – not realizing that the tiredness is me not wanting to face the day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my not wanting to face the day make me want to ‘’get away from it all’’ by not wanting to get out of bed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into resistance to get out of bed in the morning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the resistance is real and have power over me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subconsciously block out the sound of my alarm, because I don’t want to get up and face the day.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I alone am responsible for me and how I feel and experience myself.

I commit myself to every morning wake up and take a breath – and within this breath I breathe life clearing myself from all thoughts feeling and emotions by stating “I am awake”. 

I commit myself to wake up with a breath so that with a single breath I am fully awake.

Journey to Life Day 2: Timeless Consistancy

The past few months my consistency has been non-existent within who I am and my writing. I have basically become lazy. I started last year when Timeless died. Since my mother died it took me a long time to form any kind of connection with another – I have a fear of getting to close because if the person leaves or dies I will lose that connection.  

 Timeless was my pup for 2 years on the farm and she was the first being that I really formed a close connection with. The first day I spent with her when she was a pup there was a moment where I was lying next to her and In that moment there was a moment of stillness - a realization (with much clarification from Bernard afterwards who assisted me with this point) that here are two beings who haven’t met and who in a single moment connected and formed a point of intimacy – where all ideas, beliefs and judgement and fears and mind bullshit are simply invalid. And it’s a timeless point that doesn’t go away and is with me always – that it’s possible – It’s the bullshit in our heads that is keeping us all separate from each other. Take that away then there is nothing stopping a from a point of intimacy.

We all have our process to walk and unfortunately for Timeless she got hurt as a puppy at the place where we got her which resulted in her back leg being permanently dislocated. And against all odds for two years she and jumped and played higher and longer than the other dogs. It was the other hip that finally gave in because it had to compensate for the dislocated leg.

So when she died I got angry at this world and reality and how fucked up it really is and in that as a form of spite stop participating in the daily activities we do to do all we can to ensure a change in this world. I used this event as an excuse to take a ‘’break from it all for a moment’’ but really I was just spiting myself. It’s a few months and now it’s just an excuse to be lazy. hip dysplasia

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this messed world as an excuse by believing that no matter what I do I cannot make a difference and therefor shouldn’t waste my time on finding ways to ensure a change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the death of another as an excuse for being lazy and to stop participating and stop being consistent in my application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite myself not realizing that in spite of all the bullshit in this world we still have to push for a change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I deserve a ‘’break’’ – not realizing that it’s actually resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at the world not realizing that I am angry at myself for being a part of what created this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for the death of another not realizing that we all have our processes to walk and some won’t always walk with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the resistance and in doing so give up myself as the directive principle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to realize that I created the resistance based on my beliefs and ideas.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up when life became difficult – not realizing that I choose how I experience my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ALWAYS push through when I experience resistance towards a particular point.

What I realize is that everything I experience within myself is me. And what I have learned from another being  doesn’t die with them, because another is me.

I commit myself to be consistent and not give into excuses to keep me from doing what needs to be done.

I commit myself to breathe through any resistance – and when I say I’ll do something – I do it.

I commit myself to stop feeling sorry for myself

This process is tough – but it’s something that has to be done no matter what – really no matter what.

Here a Tribute song i did for Timeless: 

http://youtu.be/IbDa0dKklhs

Day 1: Time is always against me

Today I was sitting on the coach and I noticed I was experiencing anxiety. If I look at it now I see whenever I find myself doing nothing I get really anxious. And its related to me thinking I don’t have enough time for everything so I can’t sit and do nothing – I have to get to the various points because I don’t have enough time to do it all. It’s so bad that even when I am busy with something I still worry about this particular point taking too long and then I won’t have time to do the next point. In this not being here and constantly projecting the future. I wake up anxious most mornings wondering if I’ll have enough time to get to everything and then go to bed anxious worrying about the stuff I didn’t get to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in fear of not getting to everything, and in this start the day off by not being here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I won’t have the time to complete what it is I need to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to sleep not dealing with the anxiety and hoping it will go away, not realizing that I have to actually deal with it myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not start my day with breath and make sure I am here and fully awake participating with what I’m doing at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the future.

I commit myself to start the day with a breath to make sure I am here clear.

I commit myself to make sure I go to bed clear

I commit myself to stop worrying about not having enough time and believing its against me.