Journey to Life Day 2: Timeless Consistancy

The past few months my consistency has been non-existent within who I am and my writing. I have basically become lazy. I started last year when Timeless died. Since my mother died it took me a long time to form any kind of connection with another – I have a fear of getting to close because if the person leaves or dies I will lose that connection.  

 Timeless was my pup for 2 years on the farm and she was the first being that I really formed a close connection with. The first day I spent with her when she was a pup there was a moment where I was lying next to her and In that moment there was a moment of stillness - a realization (with much clarification from Bernard afterwards who assisted me with this point) that here are two beings who haven’t met and who in a single moment connected and formed a point of intimacy – where all ideas, beliefs and judgement and fears and mind bullshit are simply invalid. And it’s a timeless point that doesn’t go away and is with me always – that it’s possible – It’s the bullshit in our heads that is keeping us all separate from each other. Take that away then there is nothing stopping a from a point of intimacy.

We all have our process to walk and unfortunately for Timeless she got hurt as a puppy at the place where we got her which resulted in her back leg being permanently dislocated. And against all odds for two years she and jumped and played higher and longer than the other dogs. It was the other hip that finally gave in because it had to compensate for the dislocated leg.

So when she died I got angry at this world and reality and how fucked up it really is and in that as a form of spite stop participating in the daily activities we do to do all we can to ensure a change in this world. I used this event as an excuse to take a ‘’break from it all for a moment’’ but really I was just spiting myself. It’s a few months and now it’s just an excuse to be lazy. hip dysplasia

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this messed world as an excuse by believing that no matter what I do I cannot make a difference and therefor shouldn’t waste my time on finding ways to ensure a change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the death of another as an excuse for being lazy and to stop participating and stop being consistent in my application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite myself not realizing that in spite of all the bullshit in this world we still have to push for a change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I deserve a ‘’break’’ – not realizing that it’s actually resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at the world not realizing that I am angry at myself for being a part of what created this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for the death of another not realizing that we all have our processes to walk and some won’t always walk with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the resistance and in doing so give up myself as the directive principle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to realize that I created the resistance based on my beliefs and ideas.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up when life became difficult – not realizing that I choose how I experience my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ALWAYS push through when I experience resistance towards a particular point.

What I realize is that everything I experience within myself is me. And what I have learned from another being  doesn’t die with them, because another is me.

I commit myself to be consistent and not give into excuses to keep me from doing what needs to be done.

I commit myself to breathe through any resistance – and when I say I’ll do something – I do it.

I commit myself to stop feeling sorry for myself

This process is tough – but it’s something that has to be done no matter what – really no matter what.

Here a Tribute song i did for Timeless: 

http://youtu.be/IbDa0dKklhs