A story about Strength and Powerlessness

 

It has been a while since my last blog. The reason why is, because I allowed how i feel to control and direct me. A story first:

I have problems with my body and have been to doctors who still dont know what is happening to me, I went to have a colonoscopy  at the hospital last week Friday and let me tell you that is not fun. In order to have a colonoscopy done you have to first clear out your sytem - meaning they give you a very strong laxative the day before to get all the shit out. You also cannot eat anything. So that Thursday i was very hungry and shitting most of the day. By Friday morning before the procedure i was feeling like shit.

Unfortunately for me they did not find anything. Fortunately they did not find anything - good and bad news, because I still don't know what it is. last week i had an ear infection and now i have the FLU.

I am now on an diet where i only eat whole foods for a month to see if it might be something that i am eating that is not agreeing with my body and that takes some time. I basically cannot eat most of the foods I usually eat so that is fun as well. If the Diet does not work or i get worse then i would have to go back to a hospital to do more test. 

Through all of this i have leaned that i must stand no matter what, to not allow anything to get to me or influence me in terms of who i am. But that has proven to be easier said than done. i stand and breathe and then something new comes along like an ear infection or the FLU and then i allow myself to get angry at myself and then i fall on that point, Where I should have not allowed it to inFLUence me as who i am and feel powerless. Give myself and realize that i have the strength and power to get through this - and apply it.

More on this tomorrow