Day 66 - Being a good Person is actually being Selfish

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create the '' I am a Good person character to help me deal with situations in life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this character is real
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as a good character by changing my voice to a higher pitch when speaking to others so that they can see i am a good person and then be more likely to accept me and agree with me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate others by setting myself up as being a good person to avoid conflict - not realizing that i created this character out of fear of conflict
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to fear conflict so much that I would create the I am a good person character as a defensive mechanism just to avoid it
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into this character with others as an attempt to not be judged by others = not realizing that i don't fear their judgement but that i have the judgement within myself already so it is me I who is judging myself
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to when as a child to when i saw somebody got yelled at for not being good - to make the conclusion that i should then present myself as being good so that i do not get yelled at - because i fear being yelled at
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a good person is for the benefit of others and that i am doing others a service by being good with them - not realized that i am being selfish because i am only being good to benefit myself and my life and if i has nothing to gain from being good i will not be a good person
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that being good is not about a feeling or to feel good about being good - but to do something because it is what i would have liked for myself - to do something through understanding the need for it  and that it needs to be done regardless of how i feel about it, because then i am self directed and not depending and limited by a feeling
I commit myself to delete the 'i am a good person character
I commit myself to stop manipulating others by changing my voice a little higher to make them like me
I commit myself to stop wanting to get something from others by being the good person
I commit myself to to stop going into this character to get others to like and accept me and to stop seeking acceptance from others but to instead accept myself
I commit myself to stop going into this character to avoid conflict but to instead if hiding away from conflict to face it
I commit myself to stop going into this character to avoid being judged by others - not realizing that i am the one who who is judging myself and so to stop judging myself
I commit myself to stop the believe that i need this character to be able to avoid being yelled at
I commit myself to see that being a good person is being selfish and based in self interest - because I depend on a feeling before I do something - So i then instead to do something through understanding the need for it  and that it needs to be done regardless of how i feel about it, because then i am self directed and not depending and limited by a feeling so
I commit myself to stop wanting to get something from others by being the good person