Day 80 - Expectations And Heated Arguments

 

Today I presented an idea I had - i was expecting a good response from the idea, but instead i got a negative response which made me angry and resulted in an argument

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation of a good response on the idea that i presented

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when I got an opposite response to what I was expecting

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get consumed by this anger and to become directed by it and started to argue about the point

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to out of my expectation to defend my idea to force a good response from the other person

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations in my life based on my ideas and  beliefs - not realizing that the mind creates expectations and that the physical does not work out the same as I expect it to

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to keep on defending and justifying my idea and try to CONvince the other person that they are wrong an that i am right

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in this point of wanting to be right and defensive to try and make myself as knowing better that the other person and make them to be inferior to my knowledge of the point as to invalidate them so that i can win

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i am being directed by emotions and that my words and actions in this possessive state is not my own

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to defend my idea because I fear it being a stupid idea and being ridiculed - and to keep this fear at bay I go through all this trouble above - instead of realizing that i am not being self directed if I allow fear to  direct me

I commit myself to stop all expectations 

I commit myself to stop being directed by the anger - but to stop it instead so that I can be self directed

I commit myself to not become angry when something happens that i did not consider - and when i get angry I stop the anger before speaking another word - because then it is not me

I commit myself to stop trying to defend my ideas, but to rather explain the idea more effectively  and if it is not practical or doable to then simply let it go

I commit myself to stop trying to convince others that i am right - and to stop trying and invalidate the other person and bring them down and make them inferior just so that I can be right  - if I am absolutely right then there will be no need to convince the other person

I commit myself to stop the fear of having a stupid idea and being ridiculed - but to instead see it as an opportunity  to expand myself and become more effective when i get feedback from others  - without feedback i will not be able to become more effective in what i do