The Main point that caused quite a bit of conflict when I first moved in with someone was cleaning. Now me being a typical male I do not care about cleanliness, I have no problem with a bit of mess. I have no issue with things lying all over the place in random spots. Now the opposite is true with most woman – In this case she likes a clean place, like things in a specific place and likes things to be cleaned and placed in a specific way. So here you can see why there will be conflict.
What do you do in this situation? What I did in the beginning and for quite some time was try to fight and defend my actions and behavior – like for instance me not being fazed with a house that is a bit out of order. Sometimes when I cleaned I was told I did not do a proper job, because there were a few dust particles and dirty spots not cleaned out properly or I did not use the right amount of cleaning liquid. Sometimes I would want to clean things my way and not the way she wants it done and I used to get very angry about this and frustrated, because I could not understand why she made such a big deal with things that really do not matter to me. You know small things. It was small insignificant things to me, but to her it was not.
As you can see – here we have a typical male living with a typical female. Typical in regards to cleanliness. And chances are good that you will find the same things happening when you live with someone.
Throughout History males saw themselves as superior to woman. Mostly because deep down we males know the opposite is true – that females are far more effective than males, but our male Egos could not cope with this. It’s not that females are superior, but they are definitely more effective. And so it the males job/duty to support females in whichever way we can. A simple example: if you are in a relationship then the female would be the water and the male the water pipe.
Then what is the solution to stop the conflict surrounding house cleanliness? That facts are that I did not care about how clean a house looks – it did not matter to me – but it did matter to her. So if it really doesn’t matter to me whether a house is clean or dirty then I might as well do what I can to keep it clean. That way she will be happy and thus I will be happy. So instead of wanting to clean things my way and place things my way I did it the way she wants it, because in the end it actually did not matter to me how I did it and the only reason to want it MY WAY was EGO and the conflict that came with it was simply not worth it. And what I found was most of the time her methods were more effective.
So changing my perspective took away a butt load of conflict which resulted in having some peace as well. You do not have to be like this guy cutting grass with scissors, but IF you are in a similar situation like I was you have to ask yourself a question - is it worth all this conflict just to want to do things your way? is it really such an effort to do household tasks the way she likes it? I mean - it is small things that really do not matter to you, but it means allot to her. Remember - if she is happy then you will be happy.
