Day 250: The Creator...

 

Here I will start looking at what meaning the word creator has within me and my experience with this word throughout my life and how I have defined myself according to this word and thus lived my life according to this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the word creator as a powerful being or life force that directs and controls and created everything in the universe and thus believe that I have no power or responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see creator as something that is superior/more than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see creator as something I can never be based on beliefs and ideas I accepted and allowed from religion.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate and see for myself what is possible and not instead of accepting what is believed on face value.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility for myself and my actions/deeds/thoughts and instead make something outside myself responsible like a creator/god or lifeforce.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am the one living this life – that I am the one who feels, creates emotions, have thoughts/backchats and live through choices made and not some other higher being or entity that directs everything, thus when shit hits the fan I cannot blame anything else but myself, because I am the one responsible for me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a creator of my life – that It has been me all along that chose to be who I am today and not some higher being/entity/god/lifeforce, and how I refused to accept this fact because it would mean I have to take responsibility for myself and stop blaming and holding something outside myself accountable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by believing myself to not be responsible for my life I will not do anything to change it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that If I am the one who has been directing my life up to now and I am not satisfied in the direction it is going then I am the one who needs to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to place responsibility outside myself by creating the belief and idea that there is something else directing life that is bigger than me, because then I don’t have to take self-responsibility and when things go wrong I can blame someone else.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to believe there is a greater force directing life then I believe everything is the way it is supposed to be and thus I would do nothing to change the way of the world and everything would stay the same

I commit myself to stop the belief and idea that there is a great powerful being/entity/force that directs and controls everything in the universe and my life that is vastly superior to me – instead I realize that I am the creator of my life and thus I am the one directing my life and chose to be who I am today based on what I have accepted and allowed

I commit myself to investigate and push through my perceived limitations to see what is in fact practically possible in this world and in my life. There is no way for me to know unless I give it my all to the best of my ability

I commit myself to stop blaming something outside myself for the events that happens to me – instead I realize that nothing happens to me, but that I am the one creating everything that goes on within my life and thus there is nobody to blame. Within this I commit myself to become self-responsible and direct my life to sort it out, because I am responsible for it.

I commit myself to realize that I run away from self-responsibility and justify it with the excuse that there is a god/being/entity/force out there with a plan directing everything thus everything is the way it is supposed to be and I must not and cannot change it – Instead I commit myself to stop this excuse and justification and stand up to change myself and this world by doing everything I am able to

Day 173 - When Happiness is Escaping Reality

 

This is a continuation and conclusion of the previous blog which you can easily access by clicking this link right here:  link

This is the self-forgiveness’s on the previous blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel good by looking at thing outside myself to make me feel good, because I feel down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need something outside myself to get me out of feeling down

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to, when I feel down - investigate the reason  why I feel down

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am the one who created/accepted and allowed the feeling of being down within me and I am responsible and thus that I am the only one who is able to clear myself from it / release it from within and as me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the need to feel good is to suppress the fact that I do not feel good.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I do go from a negative - feeling down/bad - to a positive - feeling good/happy - from a point of desiring to feel good: then I did not in fact deal with the feeling of being down. I did not in fact direct it and thus it is still existent within me and is the reason why the feeling of being down will always return.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the desire to feel good and to do so by finding things outside myself is me running away from my problems and not wanting to face myself and walk through the feeling of being down.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only method that is effective with dealing with a feeling of being down is to actually  find the reason - within myself - why I created this feeling and how I did so.

I commit myself to stop wanting to "uplift" myself from a feeling of being down by finding things outside myself. Instead I realize that to deal with problems within me I need to investigate the reasons why and how I created the feeling of being down in the first place and then stop it

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for what is happening inside myself and not find things outside myself to run away from that responsibility

I commit myself to stop suppressing what I feel - instead I face the points within me

I commit myself to stop the belief and idea that I am able to get myself out from feeling down by doing something fun - instead I realize that If I did not in fact direct the point the all I and doing is avoiding and suppressing the point of feeling down 

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that – I cannot ‘run away’ from myself by suppressing the bad and running to the good, because I am ALWAYS HERE WITH ME! And so therefore, I commit myself to assist and support myself to no more run and hide in the good, but face the bad/negative within me – so that I can be stable, standing, here with me and learn to LIVE me, because how can I truly live as long as I always attempt/try to ‘run’?

Day 54 - Pointing fingers when I am to blame*

 

(*title lyrics from a new EPIC song with Robot Virgins: Cerise, Fidelis and Earthonites: Matti,Kelly. Coming soon..........)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the blaming character so that I can abdicate responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for making me angry not realizing that it is me who created the thoughts and the emotion inside me and that it is me who is allowing it

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for hurting me by calling me names and is mean to me - not realizing that it is me who allowed myself to take it personally and i created the feeling

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the world for me being depressed and to see myself at the victim who has no choice and that i am doomed to be depressed forever - not realizing that I created the depression and allowed it and thus i have the power to undo it

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i am responsible for myself and everything inside of me what i feel and that nobody can do anything to me unless i allow it

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame corporations for stripping the earth from resources like forests and water - not realizing that by spending money i allow capitalism to continue and also by doing nothing to change it

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the government for the state the country is in - not realizing that its the whole world system that doesn't provide for everyone and that WE created this world system the way it is and thus i am responsible

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame world and everybody else for making this life so horrible and that i have nothing to do with it - not realizing that the world is a reflection of myself and that my actions and decisions helps shape this world

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that where there is blame the is abdication of responsibility so when i am blaming someone it is really me not wanting to face the truth that i am blaming myself

I commit myself to delete the blaming character

I commit myself to realize that i created the anger i feel and that with the same power i used to create it i can stop it

I commit myself to realize that i created the depression i feel and that with the same power i used to create it i can stop it

I commit myself to stop blaming others for making this world full of suffering and abuse and to realize that by doing nothing to stop it I allow it to continue

I commit myself to realize that i create all the feelings and emotions and thoughts inside me and that nobody can make me feel anything unless i allow it and that i am responsible for myself

I commit myself to stop blaming the government for the state of the country and to start take self responsibility to investigate solutions to end problems permanently like the Equal Money System 

I commit myself to stop blaming corporations for raping the earth and to see that it is the world system that we created that caused the problem and that i am also responsible

I commit myself to stop abdicating responsibility by blaming others and to realize that if i blame someone I am only blaming myself

Journey to life Day 44 - The ''Depressed'' Character

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to become the depressed character when things don't go my way

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to within this cha racter become ineffective in what im doing and cant seem to do anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to within this character become tides and want to sleep all the time and to see the world as not a place i want to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to within this character see myself as the victim and believe that something was done unto me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to use this character as an excuse for not doing all that needs to be done

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed to realize that i created this character - and then within that I made myself the victim

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed to realize that i have been using this character as an perfect excuse for not doing anything

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed to realize the true reason for this character which is me not wanting to do anything and take self responsibility - and it is me blaming the world which is actually all to do with me since i created this character

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to believe that this character is real and that it has power over me and that I have no choice but to give into thus character

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed to see that this character is not real and in that I have the power to delete this character

I commit myself to stop the depressed character

I commit myself to be self directed and to not allow anything outside myself to direct me and who I am

I commit myself to realize that i created this character as an excuse for not standing and thus I delete this character

I commit myself to not allow myself to become ineffective but to consistent

I commit myself to stop the tiredness when things gets too much - because i see its me facing resistance so I push through and overcome it

I commit myself to stop seeing myself as the victim but to instead see that i created this character and so take self responsibility and delete it

I commit myself to not allow any excuse for not taking self responsibility and to stand consistently

Journey to Life Day 37 - ''You cant change this World''

 

This particular character is one who looks at others dedicating their life's to make this world a better place - but instead to join in they say '' you do know that its impossible right?''. And it said without even the them lifting a finger to see for themselves if its impossible or not. You can never know unless you have given it your best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the character of giving up before i have actually started

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this character is fictional who i created and in not real just like a movie character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that making this world a better place is impossible based on my limited perception without even giving it a chance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step into this character as a form of self defence to protect my ideas and beliefs and out of fear of change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want change because I fear i will not be able to change and fail so instead of giving it a go i immediately try and bring others down to my level and beliefs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my responsibility by saying that nobody can change this world just so that i don't’ have to do anything

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the truth that I cannot change the world - that no one person can change the world

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i can only change myself and then live as an example to others and proof to others that change is possible and then through that as each one change themselves one becomes many - and with many all together we can make this world a  better place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shy away from taking self responsibility and to believe that it is not possible for all to work together and to believe that nobody can change who they are - not realizing that the belief is based on nothing because i haven't even attempted to change myself to see for myself what is possible and what is impossible

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am the change - that who i am can determine everything and that I actually have the power to change the world by changing myself and to live as an example

I commit myself to stop the character saying ''you cant change the world''

I commit myself to realize that i am the example and proof that change is possible

I commit myself to live as an example to others and to show that you can change the world by changing yourself

I commit myself to stop saying things are impossible without giving it a go to see for myself first

I commit myself to realize that my perceptions are limitations and that mu beliefs are not real and invalid and not to listen to them anymore

I commit myself to stop wanting to bring others down to my level just so that i don’t have to change

I commit myself to stop the fear of change and to realize that the only way this world will improve is through change

I commit myself to stop the backchat which i allow to give up my responsibility.

Journey to life day 33 - Why should I do it?!

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat in relation to fairness and my believe of what is fair when I have to do something that somebody else could have done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when asked to do something become irritated and and angry  because I have to do it and want somebody else to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to become angry at the person who asked me to do it and then have thoughts about shouting at them why should I do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is not fair that I have to do it - but that somebody else must do it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the anger and irritability I experience is because I so not want to do it - and out of that use backchat because I want someone else to do it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that fairness doesn't exist - and that i have a created a perception of what is fair and not fair and. And if fairness really existed this world would not be what it is today

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that wanting somebody else to do it is ego - its me seeing myself as better than others and trying to assert authority just because i don’t want to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful  in wanting somebody else to do it, because i want them go through the discomfort I went through

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the answer for the question ''why should i do it'' is ''because im able to''. And that anything else is me wanting to abdicate responsibility and laziness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not to take responsibility but rather let somebody else take responsibility - not realizing that  in this i am without self direction and will in no way be able to sort out this world to make it a better place to live in but that i will always want somebody else to do it. And then when everybody wants somebody else to do it we end up with a world we see today...

I commit myself to when ask to do something stop the backchat and the anger and the irritability and the urge to say WHY ME

I commit myself to do something simply because I'm able to

I commit myself to do more than what is expected of me when i am able to

I commit myself to not use the excuse i have done it many times before its time you do it when i don't feel like doing something

I commit myself to see that the world is not fair and in that fairness doesn't exist  and so not use the excuse of 'its not fair'

I commit myself to let go the delusion that is my ego - to realize that as long as i have an ego i can never make a difference in this world but will always contribute to its abusiveness

I commit myself to stop the spitefulness that comes with wanting somebody else to do it - to want them to go though the discomfort I have - but to instead live my life so that no being will have to go through unnecessary discomfort

Day 4 – Escape to the Stars and Beyond

When I was young I liked lying down on the porch at night and stare at the stars. It filled me with amazement. Tonight I was sitting on a chair outside and looked at the stars – very bright and abundant from the farm which is  away from city light that drown out the sky. And as I looked at the stars I was filled with a longing. A want to just go there. But it’s more a want to get away from here – this world and all its shit - To leave it all behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be filled with a longing when I look at stars – a desire to escape this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape this world and seeing it as too much to change it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face the abuse and shit we have allowed in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing what we have allowed within this world, in this not wanting to take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take self-responsibility for what I have created part of this world

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for my world – seeing that when everybody takes self-responsibility for their worlds we create a self-responsible world

I commit myself to not face away from the shit of this world – but to do all I’m able to do my part in making it a world worth living in

I commit myself to not want to escape to an imaginary world where everything is fine – but instead I commit myself to actually create it and make it a reality