Day 173 - When Happiness is Escaping Reality

 

This is a continuation and conclusion of the previous blog which you can easily access by clicking this link right here:  link

This is the self-forgiveness’s on the previous blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel good by looking at thing outside myself to make me feel good, because I feel down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need something outside myself to get me out of feeling down

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to, when I feel down - investigate the reason  why I feel down

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am the one who created/accepted and allowed the feeling of being down within me and I am responsible and thus that I am the only one who is able to clear myself from it / release it from within and as me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the need to feel good is to suppress the fact that I do not feel good.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I do go from a negative - feeling down/bad - to a positive - feeling good/happy - from a point of desiring to feel good: then I did not in fact deal with the feeling of being down. I did not in fact direct it and thus it is still existent within me and is the reason why the feeling of being down will always return.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the desire to feel good and to do so by finding things outside myself is me running away from my problems and not wanting to face myself and walk through the feeling of being down.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only method that is effective with dealing with a feeling of being down is to actually  find the reason - within myself - why I created this feeling and how I did so.

I commit myself to stop wanting to "uplift" myself from a feeling of being down by finding things outside myself. Instead I realize that to deal with problems within me I need to investigate the reasons why and how I created the feeling of being down in the first place and then stop it

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for what is happening inside myself and not find things outside myself to run away from that responsibility

I commit myself to stop suppressing what I feel - instead I face the points within me

I commit myself to stop the belief and idea that I am able to get myself out from feeling down by doing something fun - instead I realize that If I did not in fact direct the point the all I and doing is avoiding and suppressing the point of feeling down 

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that – I cannot ‘run away’ from myself by suppressing the bad and running to the good, because I am ALWAYS HERE WITH ME! And so therefore, I commit myself to assist and support myself to no more run and hide in the good, but face the bad/negative within me – so that I can be stable, standing, here with me and learn to LIVE me, because how can I truly live as long as I always attempt/try to ‘run’?

Day 170 - Finding things to make you Happy

 

Life is full of ups and downs. You must look hard and find the things in life that makes you feel good. Do all you can to feel good -but what does this really imply?

If you want to feel good then it means you feel bad/down. Then what we do is look for things to make us happy and then we are happy for a little while then we feel down again. This roller-coaster ride is not the way to go through life and very impractical.

What I have found a while ago was that I was looking for things to do - specifically something I like and enjoy. I would either watch a cool series or movie or play a game or find something outside to do. When I was done with a movie or a series I noticed that I was feeling down - at the time I did not realize this - especially when there is nothing to watch or do that I like. Basically what was happening was that I experienced myself as being down and instead of investigating the reason WHY I was feeling down what I did was look for something OUTSIDE myself to get me out of that feeling - from a negative to a positive.

What this showed me is that I was suppressing what I felt and hiding it with doing things that I like. Now I am not saying it is "wrong" or that you should not do things that you like - its cool to do so - but it is all about the starting point/reason behind what I am doing.

I am the one who created that feeling of "being down", I created that experience within myself. Within this I am the one responsible for it and thus cannot blame anything outside myself for its existence within me. The same goes for finding things OUTSIDE myself to get me out of that down feeling - this will never work. It works for a little while, but not really because what is happening is that the feeling is simply suppressed - that is why it will keep on coming back and you will keep on feeling the need to make yourself happy.

I created it - I am responsible. The only way to get yourself out of that feeling of being down is to investigate how you created it in the first place. Then forgive yourself for creating it and walk a commitment to stop creating it. That is what the Desteni process is - it is about you taking responsibility for yourself. Giving yourself the power of creation where instead of creating these feelings that bring you down and limit you you have the opportunity to make and shape yourself into a effective living human beings where you are the directive principle in your life. Join us. www.desteni.org

Doing it for Myself

 

Doing something for yourself is considered being selfish. Today I am looking at another dimension of this word. A big part of this journey to life is to write about yourself or to write yourself out - basically focus on yourself to become an effective living human being. Some may see this as being selfish saying " you must help others to make this world a better place, so focusing on yourself is being selfish!!!". The question here is: how does one / can one assist others when you can’t even /haven’t assisted yourself? You start with yourself to be effective and to be able to support another.

We’re all like in a big steaming pile of quicksand - before you can pull others out, you have to first get yourself out. Like what they tell you in the airplane safety video "In the unlikely event when there is trouble with the plane, first secure your own oxygen mask before helping others". It is not being selfish - you simply can’t help others when you are suffocating.

Within this all, I do I look at my starting point for example working around the farm and watering trees or planting trees. I am doing it for the trees - to feed the trees and grow more. Within this I am doing it for myself as well, support and assist myself to be here in the moment.

What brought this point up was with doing a particular task that you do not like or have no issue with like cleaning for example. It does not bother me when a house is not sparkling clean - I have no issue with a house that is not exactly clean, but my partner does. So when I cleaned I did not do it for myself, but I did it for her because it makes her happy. The problem with this is: I create an expectation within myself of how the other person will react to me cleaning and being happy and when a event occurs that does not meet my expectations I get angry. Within this I realized that Although I was cleaning "for the other person" from a selfless point it was not in fact unconditional. I was cleaning "for her" to be happy and when she is happy I am satisfied - but then the reason I cleaned was for me to be happy, which was depended from another persons actions.

I am not saying that you should NOT do  something for another person - simply look at the starting point. Now I feed two birds with one big piece of bread ( The 2 birds, 1 stone thing is not cool): I clean to assist and support myself to be active and working/aligning with the physical again after a long time being unable to due to my condition AND it satisfies my partner. Now I actually enjoy having a clean house.

Friday the 13th, Black Friday and Doomsday Friday

 

The world is ending on Friday, what a coincidence - that some people always believed that Friday the 13th is bad luck and we have black Friday AND the 21\12/12 the world is ending. This must then be proof that the world will end. sorry to disappoint you guys - it will not end.

What happens when end of the world dates are here and nothing happens? They postpone it. They always say that they are 110% sure that the world will end on a particular date and then nothing happens. then they say it will happen later. Mark my words - they will keep on postponing  the date long after you are dead. There will always be a date when the world is going to end. But it never will.

The world has existed for billions of years and will continue still. We humans will most likely  die off along with all the animal kingdom, because of the way we humans are destroying the planet everyday. We are like a bad case of the fleas or a tick infestation to the planet. But long after we humans are dead and gone the earth will go on. Long after our bodies feed the earth and our race along with our sins and crime against life are forgotten - new life will most likely continue.

We live in a unimaginably vast universe with a number of planets and stars uncountable. Earth is a spec of dust - even invisible with the vast universe. We are very. Just to put things into perspective.

The world wont end with a big bang or have a quick end. We humans have been ending the world all by ourselves. Tree by tree, species by species we have started. we have contaminated its waters beyond repair - we are sucking out its blood/oil dry - we are eliminating our earthlings, other species, for our own personal gain. We have annihilated entire forests along with all life within. We have consumed and poisoned the oceans and all that live in it. And we keep on doing these things - faster and faster and more effectively. We are ending our earth, our only home.

So lets instead make a world saving day. What about that? A time when we all stop destroying the earth for personal gain. A world where suffering and abuse ends once and for all. Sounds impossible, undoable - its not. Its real and possible and doable.

Make a difference - join us to create World Saving Day Where we all live in a Equal Money System. Nothing will happen unless you make it so. You have the power - we all do - to change the world.

Day 118 - I like Food - allot

 

I like eating food. Good tasty food. Some of the food I like eating is the following:

• Fresh bread
• Weet-bix
• pancakes
• flapjacks
• Fresh bread
• cornflakes
• Fresh bread
• Fresh bread
• Fresh bread
• Fresh bread
• Fresh bread

I do like Fresh bread. One of my favorite things to eat is fresh fresh bread just out the oven with butter - mmm. The reason im listing these foods is because Since today I stopped eating wheat foods, more specifically gluten related foods. And most the foods I like have gluten. The reason I stopped eating Gluten is part of an on going test to see what physical reaction is causing my stomach problems - im looking for the physical manifestation of my anxiety that i created.

Since I stopped eating gluten I have become very frustrated, irritated...and I little depressed. What I have noticed is that I have become sad, because food made me happy - tasty food makes me feel good and now it takes longer to make myself food.

It is interesting that now going gluten-free it takes more time to make myself food. I usually for lunch go for what is quick and easy - bread or whatever - because i dont spend too much time making it and eating it. But now I have no choice but to prepare and plan what i eat.

This is why I am frustrated and irritated - it is now more of an effort to eat and i do not like not being able to eat certain foods.

Thank you for reading - an update on this tomorrow to assist myself to not me depressed, irritated and frustrated and angry .