Do we pay with money or with our very Lives?

Facts of life – you need money to live. We need money to buy things, but is it actually money we        use   to pay for things or is there more to it?

Day 314 - Why do we feel nothing for strangers?

We see it every time in Movies and TV shows – the good guys killing the bad guys.  It’s a good thing right? But do we ever consider the Bad guys Life? Did he or she have a family? Do we really only care for those who we have an emotional attachment for? But what are the consequences in Real life then?

Day 254 -What behavior do you dislike about yourself? How can you change that?

 

 

I found myself in a particular pattern I did not take note of before. What kind of behavior do you go into when you have a task to complete but very limited time? The particular task you are working on you have no idea how to do so first you have to research it and test it out before you can finish it. With me what comes up is stress and frustration and then generally very unpleasant to be around with.

The thing is that it does not have to be this way. Reacting towards events in your life like I did is not supportive and it’s unnecessary. Sure when you run out of time and see you cannot finish the task in time you generally have stress, but when you look at the whole situation the stress does not contribute to anything. It does not make the time go slower and it does not magically make everything work out so that you can do the tasks. All it does is leave you feeling like shit.

The fact is that regardless of how I feel about it – the end result is the same. There was simply not enough time to finish the task and looking back I did the best I could and that is all there is to it. I cannot change the time flow, I cannot make time go slower – so what is really the point of going into stress and frustration? If anything what it does is cloud your judgment making you ineffective, because you are reacting to a situation instead of directing it.

What I have found is that it’s a pattern I have a created, almost like a habit. Whenever this happens then that happens. If I am in a situation of needing a task completed with not enough time means I must go into stress and frustration. So what I have done now is worked in stopping that pattern: When I find myself in a situation where there is limited time to do a certain task – I stop the reaction. I stop the frustration and stress and breath and be here in the moment.

This tool can be applied in many situations in life. If you have a pattern/habit that you would like to stop you need to write a new script for yourself that you can replace the current behavior. If you do not change the pattern then it will simply continue for the rest of your life – I Do no not want to live with this particular pattern anymore so I choose to stop it.

Have a look in your life and see where you live out patterns/habits/behaviors and know that you do have the power to stop and change yourself.

Day 239 Making a Decision that needs to be made Immediately

 

I have always been horrible with decision making, from the smallest things like deciding what to eat to the big things in life. Over the years I have become better at the small things, but the big things still need direction.

Winter time on the farm means fire season. When there is a fire in the area people get called and those who are able to go help to put the fire out. In these situations time is very important so you need to really hurry and make sure you get to that fire as fast as possible, because the fire might burn down houses or trap and burn animals so the sooner you get to it the better. One night I got the call that a property was burning and they need help to put the fire out, unfortunately property was far away so this required a different approach.

Usually the fires were close so we jump on our tractor with the water cart attached and put out the fire. Eventually what we did was some guys went ahead with a car to get to the fire while another person drove the tractor. That way some people can already beat the fire while we wait fire the tractor.

Before I came to that decision on how to approach this point I hesitated, because It was a new situation I did not have previous experience on how to deal with point so I stressed out a bit trying to decide what I should do. And there is the mistake – allowing myself to panic and stress, because in that state I was not able to make any effective decisions or direct the situation effectively. So what will be the best way to face a tough time constraint decision?

The best thing you can do is to stop and breathe. Do not allow the stress and anxiety to direct you, simply stop and breathe. Also slow down, I found I was looking at everything at the same time instead of looking at it one point at a time. This will give you a “clear head” so that you can effectively look at the situation and direct it. Keep things practical – in these situations the answer is here. You may not know exactly what is going to happen, but what you can do is direct the moment the best way you are able to.

IF you require assistance with the big choices that do not need action immediately here is a cool self help guide how to best make a choice:

“We tend to get a little flustered and stressed out when we're faced with a big choice. There are usually a myriad of things to consider and usually all sorts of people trying to push you this way or that. All in all, it can be a pretty unpleasant experience when we don't know how to effectively dealing with the shit that seems to be flying at us from all directions.
So how the hell do you make a decision, especially when there seems to be so much stuff overwhelming you? First step:”

- See more at: http://activistsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/09/day-599-which-way-should-i-go.html#sthash.pLorVal3.dpuf

Day 213 - At your Last Breath – what will you say? What would you have Changed?

 

People say that life is short. Even though it is the longest thing you’ll ever experience – it is actually quite short. There never seems to be enough time to do all the things that you would like to. I am now 26 years old which means I have basically lived half my life span already give or take. There are 26 years that I will not be able to get back – it’s gone.

A thing we got used to since being born is Time. Time is always there. When I was a kid I did not worry about thing like time, it was always there. I woke up to a new day every day. I knew that when I go to bed and sleep there will be another day coming on the morrow. Now that I am getting older I realize that Time will not always be there. One day I will die – I will breathe out my last breathe (and fart, most likely) and my body will return to the earth in ashen form. And when that day comes what will I say to myself as I look at back at my life and how I lived it?

I cannot know what the next 26 years will bring – I might not even live that long, I could die tomorrow or the next day or maybe I live till I am old and wrinkled. In the End it really doesn’t matter how long I have left on this earth – All that matters is what I do with the time that I have.

Which brings me to my point here – The fact is that one we will all die and it is as certain as it is inevitable. This does not mean it is something to worry about though, but instead of living life as if there will be a tomorrow rather live it as if there is no tomorrow. I sometimes with certain things postpone it and say to myself I will do it some other day, and then before I know it a few weeks have already gone. There will not always be ‘another day’. My time will eventually run out so instead of waiting till the day I die why not rather start living as if there is not tomorrow.

When the day comes that I die I want to able to look back at my life and say “YES! I used my time the best I could”. Wouldn’t you?

Day 183 - I am getting Older: Fear and Anxiety

 

I am turning 26 this year. There was a bit of anxiety within me when I looked at this – that I am getting older. Soon I will reach 30 and eventually 50. I am getting older. Time is going by seemingly faster – we are already more than halfway through 2013. The fear that came up was not that I will eventually die one day, but that time is going by. In just two years It would already be a decade since I graduated from school. A whole 10 years would have passed and it felt so short. In another decade I will say the same thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear when I saw that I am turning 26 this year.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within myself that Time is running out and that one day I will no time left when I do die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that time will go by too fast for me and that I would not have enough time to do all the things I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will regret the way I lived and feel that I have wasted it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I use my time effectively and do all that I am able to with the time I have then there can be no regret.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that even though time is going by – there is absolutely nothing I can do to slow it down or stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that one day when I am old I would be too old to do the things I am able to do now and thus believe that I should rush and get things done quickly while I have the time. Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that IF I rush through life I will miss out anyway.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to instead of rushing and wanting to get things done fast while I can – to instead to the best I am able to within the things I do now and only when I see that I have done all I can and still did not get to everything then I can say I did all I can and there is no point to worry about it.

I commit myself to stop linking fear with my age and growing old – instead I live in the moment

I commit myself to stop creating anxiety about the fact that time is going by and not to see it as time running out – instead I do the best I am able to with the time I have.

I commit myself to stop the fear That I will one day not be able to do the things I do now and then rush through things to get it done – instead I slow down and make sure I do things effectively with the time that I have

I commit myself to stop the fear that I will regret how I used my time – instead I realize that there can be no regret when I did in fact do all that I could to the best of my ability.

Purification of Time

 

The Sun - a great fusion reactor, ball of fire. The light hits the earth providing energy for nature, for the whole earth. And so with the rotation of earth and the light from the sun we have a measurable, mathematical, indefinite continued progress of existence and events  - or in simpler terms, Time.Time has become an integral part of our lives, with our lives/living that rotates around time. We live according to time, we work according to time and we sleep according to time. We plan our day according to time - something we created and placed importance in.

Time for me also plays a role in my life. I have schedules and appointments and other considerations that revolves around time. It is a way to organize my life.When I was  In School and when in class - there was too much of it (time) and after school for the day there was not enough Time. On the farm There never seems to be enough of it and I have had reactions regarding time.

With so many things to do, it seems like there is never enough time to get to it all. This would cause a state of anxiety within myself and also made me irritable at times. I was frustrated, because I could not get to everything since there was not enough time during the day to get to it all. When I looked at the time I would feel different depending on what time it is. In the morning it is fine, in the afternoon I see my time is getting less, which causes anxiety and frustration at times and by night time its like ''shit, the day is almost over and I did not get to do all the things I wanted, dammit!''.

So within this Time, decides who I am and what I do and how I feel, but time does not really exist - its simply nature moving that we equated and allowed to direct who we are. I am the one creating the energetic experience in regards to time in my Mind. I am the one creating the feelings and reactions and beliefs in regards to time making it more than what it is.

I forgive myself that I ha ve accepted and allowed myself to get anxious when I see time goes by, fearing I would not get enough time for finish my tasks for the day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel different depending on what time it is and within that, change who I am depending on what time it is - allowing time to decide who I am, not realizing that I am not the directive principle of who I am within the tasks that I do with accepting and allowing my reactive relationship to time in the mind to dominate/direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts and backchat in relation to Time where I would react and allow the thoughts and backchat to generate feelings and emotions like frustration and anger, because there is so much to do and not enough time. Not seeing, realizing and understanding how I would within this – actually then create a whole personality-relationship to time in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my frustration of never getting to everything and not having enough time, to become irritable and act out my irritation on others around me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see time as something more than me, something that directs me and something that I should follow and allow to dictate my life - not realizing that Time is simply nature moving, a point of universal reference within which to practically categorize/organize responsibilities according to minutes/hours/days/weeks/months/years etc.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that although time is a part of our life - it should not be something that directs me and changes who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain stable and consistent no matter what time it is - within this realize that if I do my best and all that I am able to with the time I have then there is no point to worry about Time since I cannot make Time stop or squeeze out more time from somewhere and/or timetravel.

I commit myself to stop going into anxiety and fear when I look at the time, instead I breathe and stop the thoughts of ''there is not enough time'' and stop worrying about it - realizing that if I do my best with the time I have its impossible to do more.

I commit myself to stop getting frustrated and angry when I see I did not get to everything this day - instead I realize that there is in fact another day tomorrow and the day after that to do what I need to do

I commit myself to stop allowing Time to dictate and decide who I am, instead I remain stable no matter what the time is

I commit myself to realize that time is a reference point that is here that I can use to organize my life effectively and not something to react to.

I commit myself to stop the fear that time is running out - instead I realize that although Time is going by it is nothing to fear and rather to do the best I can with the time I have here on earth

Day 104 - Time, Irritability and expectations

 

Over the last few days since my last blog I haven't yet written a blog. I didn't ant to write something, because I thought I did not make any progress. I had an expectation that my stomach problem would be better right away and because it was not better I had the belief that i failed so i was pretty much moping the last few days. 

I had a closer look at myself and my actions and what I have notices is that I have become more aware of myself. I would see myself walking fast - then stop and walk slow. I would see myself becoming tense  - then slow down and breath. Irritated I stop it breathe and slow down.

So i did not fail - I have in fact made progress. I have been hard myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation on how fast my problem will solve it self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that just because i did not met my expectation then it means i did something wrong and I failed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living up to peoples expectations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disappointed with myself, because  did not meet my expectations

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that things take time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i did in fact make progress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look past the progress i have made, because I believed it was not enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so hard on myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I create more anxiety when I do not meet my expectations and believed i have failed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the idea of time, the belief that things must not take time - it should be very fast - not realizing that things do take time.

I commit myself to stop creating expectations

I commit myself to stop the belief that if something takes long I must be doming something wrong - instead I realize that things do take time

I commit myself to being disappointed with myself - instead I realize that i can only be disappointed if i created an expectation or if i did not do something to the best of my ability - in that case i realize the mistake and move on

I commit myself to stop the fear of not being able to live up to peoples expectations - instead i  realize its my expectations.

I commit myself to stop being hard on myself - instead i take note of my progress and make sure i do not beat myself up when I make mistakes

I commit myself to not allow something like disappointment and failures to bring me down and make me inconsistent - instead I push though the point here now and not postpone. I realize that ill walk through the point anyway so i might as well do it now.

Day 102 - There's never enough Time

 

Worrying about Time. Living my life around Time. Time dictates what i do and who i am.

I have found more points regarding being anxious all the time - Time

I am constantly worrying about Time - never having enough of it. I worry about the future and what might happen . I worry about the time that has already passed and i cannot have it back. I worry so much about time that  I never here in the moment, but always in the future or the past.

It is a known fact that stress causes physical harm to the body - it affects the body although its only a feeling. The same goes with sadness, anger rage and other emotions. Anxiety also affects the body - it gets the heart racing among other things. For me it came with me not being able to have a decent crap anymore.

the past 5 months I have daily been constipated, diarrhea, abdominal pain, bloated and very gassy. I never thought you can be constipated and have diarrhea in the same day but there you go.

The symptoms are exactly those of having IBS - irritable bowl syndrome. Here is  extracts from this site:

IBS, this disorder is characterized by abdominal pain, cramping, bloating, gas, constipation, and diarrhea

Approximately one in five adults in the United States has IBS

There is no known specific cause

 research has found that 50 to 90 percent have a psychiatric disorder such as an anxiety disorder

There is also no cure for IBS - only ways to relieve the symptoms

 

For me I am absolutely certain that anxiety and fear is what is causing my symptoms - so it will make sense to get rid of the anxiety so will the symptoms - we will see. On many sites some ways of treating IBS symptoms is medication to lessen the anxiety - this is suppressing it, not getting rid of it.

The first question is who created the anxiety within me? I did. Sure something outside myself triggers it - but I am creating the feeling - I am allowing an event to make me feel anxious. Most people believe they do not have a choice in how they experience themselves, but the truth is you choose to experience yourself a certain way. Its a Choice made. Change the choice, Change the experience.

Time - I have realized that I only have two hands and 24 hours a day do to things. There in no way for me to get more time. I actually have less time, because I am wasting it on worrying. So there is no point in worrying. its a waste of time.

More on this tomorrow.

Journey to Life Day 9 – Being Impatient

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want everything to move faster

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in moving too slow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ill get everything right first time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m doing something wrong because things are moving slow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea that this process should be faster

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get used to today’s industrial system where everything moves fast

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because it seems that what I do has no effect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel it’s pointless to spend time in making music, because the videos move slowly

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it takes time to accumulate points

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the accumulated effect this process already has and that in reality it is actually moving forward

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I play a big role in keeping the ball rolling – that I and another I plus another I plus another I we then have many I’s that work towards the accumulated effect and through this we grow faster

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself and my actions and words as insignificant, not realizing that it takes not just me but all to make a difference and that I am part of that all and that it is important to keep on doing what I do

I commit myself to see that I am insignificant alone – but as part of a group of I’s we have an effect

I commit myself to keep to my commitments

I commit myself to patient

I commit myself to see that what I do is important

I commit myself to stop seeing my actions and deeds as not important.

i commit myself to see that as part of a group my actions and deeds effects the effectiveness of the group

I commit myself to see that it takes time to grow.