Day 183 - I am getting Older: Fear and Anxiety

 

I am turning 26 this year. There was a bit of anxiety within me when I looked at this – that I am getting older. Soon I will reach 30 and eventually 50. I am getting older. Time is going by seemingly faster – we are already more than halfway through 2013. The fear that came up was not that I will eventually die one day, but that time is going by. In just two years It would already be a decade since I graduated from school. A whole 10 years would have passed and it felt so short. In another decade I will say the same thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear when I saw that I am turning 26 this year.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within myself that Time is running out and that one day I will no time left when I do die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that time will go by too fast for me and that I would not have enough time to do all the things I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will regret the way I lived and feel that I have wasted it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I use my time effectively and do all that I am able to with the time I have then there can be no regret.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that even though time is going by – there is absolutely nothing I can do to slow it down or stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that one day when I am old I would be too old to do the things I am able to do now and thus believe that I should rush and get things done quickly while I have the time. Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that IF I rush through life I will miss out anyway.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to instead of rushing and wanting to get things done fast while I can – to instead to the best I am able to within the things I do now and only when I see that I have done all I can and still did not get to everything then I can say I did all I can and there is no point to worry about it.

I commit myself to stop linking fear with my age and growing old – instead I live in the moment

I commit myself to stop creating anxiety about the fact that time is going by and not to see it as time running out – instead I do the best I am able to with the time I have.

I commit myself to stop the fear That I will one day not be able to do the things I do now and then rush through things to get it done – instead I slow down and make sure I do things effectively with the time that I have

I commit myself to stop the fear that I will regret how I used my time – instead I realize that there can be no regret when I did in fact do all that I could to the best of my ability.

Day 153 - Rushing

 

Today I am writing about rushing. The need to hurry and do things with haste. Why did I rush things with various farm activities? How did it become so normal and a part of me that i did not notice it anymore?

Whenever I faced rushing it was with important tasks. For example replacing fences. We have horses and the fencing that was originally on the farm was not ideal for them and imposed a risk that they could hurt themselves. Prevention is the best cure - so any points that we see might harm other beings on the farm like horses we find ways to prevent it and in this case it was taking out the old fence and place in a new one that is horse friendly.

Within this I had the belief that if I do not rush and hurry to get the fencing done then the horses might hurt themselves and it would be my fault. The horses weren't really in any danger and possibility that they might hurt themselves were very small so there was any need to rush. Another example was building a nursery. The sooner we get it done the sooner we can plant veggies so I rushed to get it done fast. When I do something I should do it to the best of my ability - I defined ''the best of my ability'' as doing something as fast as possible and lived it.

When I was in rushing mode I would feel pumped up - almost like an adrenaline rush and within this physically move fast. I would also get tired sooner, but get done sooner. There would also be anxiety and I would think about others tasks ahead while busy with my current task. Sometimes this leads to me making a mistake and then get really angry, because I would first have to fix the mistake before continuing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush while doing tasks believing the only logical way of dealing with a multitude of tasks is to hurry up with your current one - not realizing that it was never about the tasks getting done, but more an opportunity to expand myself and learn more about myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that doing something to the best of my ability also includes doing something as fast as possible, not realizing that rushing is not an ability, but a consequence of using my mind to do physical work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when doing something to fear what will happen if I take too long with it - fearing possible consequences and within this cause anxiety and out of that fear and anxiety I rush.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I was rushing out of fear of possible consequences so much so that it became natural to me to hurry and rush and made it part of my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by rushing I was not in fact HERE in the physical, but in my mind and within this I tend to make more mistakes and missed out on the physical world around me.

I commit myself to stop rushing through points, instead I breath and be here in the physical

I commit myself to stop fearing possible consequences and stop projecting myself into the future when I am busy with something that is physically here - instead I breathe and focus with what I am busy with

I commit myself to stop the belief that the only way to deal with many tasks is to rush through them - instead I realize that if I rush I will miss out on the world around me and points within myself within what I am doing and thus robbing myself from the opportunity to learn  more about myself

Day 113 - Rushing even when Eating!

 

Ok - Another point I noticed is that I am rushing while I eat - I want to eat fast so that I can get to other things  - so here follows the words to change myself to that I do not rush while I eat when it is really unnecessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be in a rush while I am eating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am wasting my time if I do not rush when I eat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I eat to think about all the things I still have to do  and thus I am not here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Breath and be here when I eat and be aware of myself by being here in the moment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have no reason to rush or be in a hurry and that it is my believe that I am wasting time that I hurry when eating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushing a part of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my fear of not having enough time to want to do everything fast

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware that I am rushing while I eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushing and haste  a habit where I do it with everything I do even when eating and showering when there's is not real need to be

I commit myself to when I eat to be aware of myself so that I can stop rushing  and also I breathe and be here in the moment

I commit myself to stop making rushing a part of my life and to stop being hasty all the time - instead I calm myself and be here

I commit myself to to stop the belief that I am wasting time if I eat and not rush - instead I realize that I  eating and showering is necessary

I commit myself to stop living in the future and to worry about the things I still have to do - instead I make sure I am here in the moment.

I commit myself to realize that things take time and there is nothing i an do about that - so I commit myself to stop worrying

I commit myself to when i eat to realize what had to be done for this food to be here in front of me - from the people who plowed the fields to planting the seeds and money and effort and hard work -the fuel needed for transport - the people driving and trying to make a living and the people suffering having so little - all of this so that i can have food. I commit myself to never take my food in vain.

Day 112 - Rushing, Always Rushing!

 

Time and fear of not having enough creeps up in may ways and often results in Rushing. I have been writing about Time and how i rush and haste things. I have been driving in town and doing what I usually do when the person sitting next to me asking if I am in a rush. I had no reason to be yet still I was rushing. So here follows the steps to change me so that I stop rushing unnecessarily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a rush while driving in town when there is no reason to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushing a part of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my fear of not having enough time to want to do everything fast

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware that i am rushing while i drive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rushing and haste  a habit where I do it with everything I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am wasting my time if I do not rush when I drive

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i have no reason to rush or be in a hurry and that it is my fear that i am wasting time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when i drive to think about all the things i still have to do when i get back and thus be in future and not here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Breath and be here when I drive and be aware of myself by being here in the moment

I commit myself to when I drive to be aware of myself and stop rushing - instead I breathe and be here in the moment

I commit myself to stop making rushing a part of my life and to stop being hasty all the time - instead I calm myself and be here

I commit myself to to stop the belief that I am wasting time if I drive and not rush - instead I realize that I driving is necessary and if i rush i will be less aware of the road and have a greater chance of being in a accident

I commit myself to stop living in the future and to worry about the things I still have to do when I drive - instead I make sure I am here in the moment.

I commit myself to realize that things take time and there is nothing i an do about that - so i commit myself to stop worrying

Journey to life day 13 – Rushing is pointless

Journey to life day 13 – Rushing is pointless

 

When walking from point A to point B I walk fast paced and in my head I have the destination in place.

Within doing this I’m rushing to get to the destination fast. And doing this you are not here in the moment but in your head and thus you miss out on the world around you.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get to my destination fast.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush myself when walking, in doing so not seeing the world around me and unaware of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get to believe that I have no time and thus must compromise myself by not being here in breath  by rushing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe and be here self-aware

I commit myself to when walking to walk slower and be aware of the world around me

I commit myself to stop rushing to get to a point faster

I commit myself to be HERE