Day 127 - Divine Awareness

 

There is nothing divine about being aware. Its an commitment - a life long commitment to be aware of yourself and the environment. The real physical world - the only world that exist an matters - not some delusional happy light and love place in the clouds that you spend your whole trying to get to and then ignore the real world. Anyway - back to my blog

Today I am righting about a point I wrote about in my last blog over here: CLICK  ME. It was basically about an event that took place as a consequence of me not being aware. So here goes the method to make sure this doesn't’ happen again:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be aware of myself and environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be aware and give somebody else the responsibility for a while

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ''take a break'' for a while and abdicate my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have been responsible for long enough and that means I don't have to be all the time anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others when the truck got stuck and to believe that it was not my responsibility when it was

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when the truck got stuck to go into anxiety, because i fear that the truck might be damaged or damaged the spillway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when it happened to wish that I could go back in time and stop this from happening, instead if looking back and see how i can stop this from happening in the future.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push through the resistance and stop the thought ''I don't have to be responsible anymore'' and realize that if i stopped that single thought the whole truck in mud event would not have happened.

I commit myself to to push myself to be aware of myself and the environment at all times no matter what

I commit myself to stop the believe that i can take a break from being aware of myself and the environment - instead I realize that if i do take a break things might slip by me

I commit myself to be responsible and self responsible for as as i breath in air of this world we as humanity are busy destroying and realize that if i do not take self responsibility - the world does not have a chance

I commit myself to stop wanting to blame others - instead I take self responsibly

I Commit myself to stop wishing I could go back and change things - instead I find ways to make sure i do not make the same mistake again

I commit

I commit myself to stop these thoughts so that it does not direct me , but so that i can be the directive principle in my life.

I commit myself to not allow a feeling or a thought to affect my effectiveness, instead i commit myself to be consistently effective.

Day 126 - The Consequence Of Unawareness

 

We hear the expression ''Shit hits the fan'' and ''shit load'' and ''full of shit''. Today we had both - We had a shit load when a shit truck got stuck in the mud. I should have taken pictures, but i did not, sorry.

Today was a very eventful day were we faced new challenges and stared shit right in the face. every year we get a honey sucker - a truck that sucks out the shit in our septic tanks. Today the truck drove over an flow away which is a trench in the ground where the septic tanks overflows into and the front left wheel sunk almost completely into the ground.

Now we had a really big problem - the truck was already full of shit and now weighed over 5 tons. Eventually after 5 hours and jacking up the truck and placing brick under the wheels and getting the tractor to pull the truck we got it out. Yeay.

Now usually when the shit truck comes i make sure it does not drive over any of the flow away's so that it does not get stuck, but today i did not do that. This forms part of my loosing focus blog where I have become less aware in my world and today it clearly showed itself in full force. That lead to a consequence - an event that could have been avoided.

Another point I realized is that doing something for a while eventually there is a belief that I do not have to be so focused all the time - like getting used to something you do not pay that much attention anymore. Its total bullshit obviously.

I got my ''5 hour lesson'' today where the event showed me something about myself that requires direction. So i directed it.

Thanks for reading - ,more on this tomorrow.

Day 125 - Giving up On Myself? Why do that?

 

I listened to This interview: Giving Up on Myself - Life Review. What i found fascinating is how it explains Why we give up on ourselves.

Why is it that when we have are looking forward to do something like for example learn to play an instrument, build something yourself or doing something you always wanted to do and then end up not doing it and give up on doing it? Why do get that deep sinking feeling that makes us want to give up - what is that voice in our heads that say ''I cannot do it''. And within this we never give it our best shot - never giving it our all. I look back at my life and wonder how different my life would have been if I made the decision to give it my all within what I was doing and how i could have developed myself and various skills. IF i had given it my all during school I know i would have done better. If i had given it my all when i did classical piano I would now have been a professional pianist. the same with other instruments.

Its not just that - In school i was always shy and hiding always afraid. If I had stopped that and given myself the opportunity to break and walk through my fears and given it my all i would have enjoyed it better.

After listening to this interview I gave me clarity. I could see that i wasted my life half-assing everything. And it gave me insight, assistance and support to move myself to become effective.

So listen and enjoy : Download

Day 124 - A Feeling of Being Stuck?

 

I had a look at my overall experience of myself and what came up was the word stuck. I feel stuck. I do not know how get myself unstuck, but that is not true.

Being stuck and not knowing what to do is an obvious consequence of not creating a path for myself so that I know what to do. I have to create for myself  what to do and then do it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a feeling of being stuck

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself   to create this feeing of being stuck and to believe it to be real

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to listen to this feeling and to become it where I believe that i do not know what to do about it

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to have the thought '' I do not know what to do'' and to listen to this thought and believe it to be real and have power over me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to be directed by this thought

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed  myself to stop this thought when it first came up and direct it and delete it from my existence so that I wont be directed by it - and in allowing this thought to continue I became it as a total experience of constricting and limiting myself and not move of as i allowed myself to become ineffective 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to allow this thought within myself and the resulting feeling of being stuck and then me allowing this feeling to make me ineffective within blogging effectively, writing music, breathing, my awareness and my body.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed  myself to realize that if I had stop that thought when it first came up and saw it for what was  - bullshit - none of the above would have manifested in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed  myself to realize the importance of stopping these  thoughts and to realize the outflow and consequence of not stopping these thoughts

I commit myself to stop the feeling and belief that i am stuck - instead i realize that it is a justification i use not to move on, because I fear moving on.

I commit myself to stop the fear of moving on and realize that there is no point to fear change, instead i embrace change, because with every change there is something new where i can test  develop my effeteness.

I commit myself to stop the thought of ' I do not know what to do'

I commit myself to create my path so that i Do know what to do - writing and supporting myself and others, music, supporting the Equal Life Foundation, Equal Money system, being aware and grateful and respectful of all the beings in my world who make it possible for me to be alive.

I commit myself to stop these thoughts so that it does not direct me , but so that i can be the directive principle in my life.

I commit myself to not allow a feeling or a thought to affect my effectiveness, instead i commit myself to be consistently effective.

Thank you for reading my blog and being part of my journey to life - if you want to start a journey to life and stop being controlled you are gonna need the right tools. The following course is free and it has the tools and methods i use everyday in my life:

Go here: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 123 - Stomach problems continue

 

An update on my body:

I have now gone almost 2 weeks without gluten. Thus far there has been no improvement and I started loosing weight and getting very tired. So instead of struggling to find the reason and diagnoses I going to a doctor. I have attempted to sort this out myself for months now without success so it time to seek professional advise.

P.S. Regarding my back - I was fine not rolling over in my sleep until last night and woke up this morning with a nice fresh neck and back pain. Lets see how this develops. A problem is that my back is out and hurting so I'm going to get it set again

Within all this to me it seems that I failed in fixing my stomach problems myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if i have failed in fixing myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because my problem is not going away I am doing something wrong

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it might be something worse and thus anticipate the worse

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create fear and anxiety in wondering ht could be happening to me

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i wont know for sure what is causing the problems with my body until I see a doctor

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself to having this problem where it affects my daily life and keeping me from fully participate

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not want to go to a doctor, because of me being stubborn in not wanting to admit that there is something happing to me that requires attention

I commit myself to stop wanting to do EVERYTHING myself - instead i realize that there are things that i cannot possibly do myself and that i do need assistance

I commit myself to stop the belief that i am doing something wrong if something takes longer than i expected it to  - instead i breath and be patient

I commit myself to  stop always anticipating the worse and create fear and anxiety - instead i see it is what it is and fearing it won change a thing so i stop

I commit myself to stop being angry at myself for not being able to participate effectively in my daily routine and to realize that if my body cannot handle it i will only harm myself more by not listening

I commit myself to when necessary to not wait in stubbornness but to seek out medical attention when needed.

Thanks

Day 122 - How to assist yourself to stop sleeping on your stomach

 

My previous blog was me writing abut my lower back problems that are related to me sleeping on my stomach for years. This is how i am going to approach it for assist myself:

Here is an extract:

I am very uncomfortable everyday with my stomach problems and even more so going gluten-free. So what happens ''sub consciously'' when i am asleep  is that i want to be comfortable and thus roll over and sleep on my stomach. yes - even asleep you are still the one who decides what happens - i make the choice to sleep on my stomach.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into the discomfort i am experiencing and allow it to influence me and who i am 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be like a short fuse ready to explode and to take out my anger on those close to me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself and walk around moody as if the world has ended, because of how i feel

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to allow the discomfort i am feeling to make me long for being comfortable

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in my quest to be comfortable to roll over on my stomach in my sleep

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only fall asleep on my stomach and that sleeping any other way I would not be able to have a good nights sleep

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have created the preference for sleeping on my stomach and just because I have been doing it all my life does not mean I cant sleep any way else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not responsible for what happens when I am asleep

I commit myself to allowing my discomfort to affect who I am , instead I breathe through the discomfort so that I am the directive principle and not directed by it

I commit myself to stop feeling sorry for myself - instead I go on standing strong

I commit myself to stop being like a short fuse and snap at people, instead I realize it is back chat and build up suppressions of me feeling sorry for myself which I stop as son as it comes up

I commit myself to stop allowing my discomfort to influence me to want to be comfortable as an desire that forces me to sleep on my stomach - instead I realize that  just because my stomach and back is causing discomfort in those areas - does not mean I as a whole need to be uncomfortable

I commit myself to stop the belief that I can only sleep on my stomach - instead  I realize that i am able to sleep on my back or side perfectly ok.

I commit myself to take self responsibility for when i am asleep to NOT roll over on my stomach , instead I stay on my back or side and push through the resistance I experience within my belief that i can only sleep on my stomach.

Day 121 - Sleeping on your Stomach? Help with Back Problems

 

My back hurts - allot

I have always been sleeping on my stomach - its my comfortable sleeping position since i can remember. Its nice and cozy sleeping on my stomach and any other position is uncomfortable and it takes longer to fall asleep.

It has been fine sleeping on my stomach until recently...

I’ve been having lower back problems and needed to go to a chi ropractor often. at first i believed it was because of the farm activities i have been doing - like hauling sand bags for weeks or carrying 25 liter water bottles and not using my back correctly. But low and behold it was not that.

i noticed it was when i woke in the mornings with neck pain and back pain. I did some research and found out that sleeping on your back for a long time causes lower back pain eventually. Yeay for me...

Basically what happens is when you sleep on your stomach your neck is turned while you back is straight which causes tension on your lower back where it is constantly under strain. Now when i sleep on my stomach for one night my back is out. This is problematic for me, because living on the farm and participating in activities i require my back to NOT be out and in pain so it limits me.

The solution to this is to simply not sleep on my stomach anymore, but as it turns out it is not as simple as that for me. I force myself now to sleep on my side or back, but during the night while im asleep I roll over onto my stomach, lol.

The first time what i did is strap something to my chest so that when i do roll over in my sleep it will hurt me and ill wake up and not sleep on my stomach. This worked for about 2 days until i woke up the 3rd day with a sore chest bone and a mark form sleeping on my stomach regardless. After that i ''willed'' myself to not sleep on my stomach and that worked well for a while - i would still some days wake up on my stomach, but mostly it worked. Until recently this has not worked anymore.

And it is linked to my previous blog of loosing focus. I am very uncomfortable everyday with my stomach problems and even more so going gluten-free. So what happens ''sub consciously'' when i am asleep  is that i want to be comfortable and thus roll over and sleep on my stomach. yes - even asleep you are still the one who decides what happens - i make the choice to sleep n my stomach.

Tomorrow i will reveal the steps to assist myself how not to sleep on my stomach anymore then its goodbye to back pain.