Day 189 - Why Speaking is so Difficult – The Silent Type

 

Thus far I have covered preferring to be alone, not being good with people and not being able to communicate effectively which are some of the dimensions behind a typical silent type character. Today I am going to write about speaking.

I have never been able to use words effectively to express myself. I could not say how I felt, because the words simply did not come to me in way that can explain it exactly. So I decided to not speak allot, because I felt it was a waste of time. What I did not realize back then is that the reason why the words did not come was because I did not have the words – I did not have the vocabulary. It is fascinating how such a decision greatly affected my life. If I realized the importance of vocabulary in my school days I would have done better at school. Instead I compromised myself and developed a personality and defined myself as being the strong silent type. A wonderful justification and excuse.

Looking at this whole situation I see now that being the silent type was not “just who I am”, it was a choice I made based on my fears and not having the tools to communicate effectively. I was not born this way – it was a choice and now I choose to rather be effective with communication. Now to go venture forth on my journey. Without an effective vocabulary I cannot be specific with words. I did not understand the importance of vocabulary back then. In School they say it is important to read – good advice I ignored.

The first step in effective communication is developing your vocabulary in order to use words effectively so that is what I am going to do – learn, understand and apply new words. Interesting point here is with me being a musician and writing songs I always had great difficulty writing lyrics for my music and that is because I did not have an effective vocabulary. If I had an effective vocabulary writing would be easier.

A very useful phrase I have learnt is that knowledge is useless without application. The next step is to place myself in situations where I use words and speak to explain things. This will assist me to communicate effectively and support me to get over that uncomfortable/nervousness I have whenever I explain things. A simple thing to do here would be to start doing Vlogs so that is what I will do – push through the resistances and make videos until speaking effectively is as natural as breathing.

Speak, king, quest, journey, video, vlog, support, DIY, directive, practical, loner, silent type, personality, Desteni

Day 187 - Not being Good with people - The Silent Type...

 

Today I ran into somebody and said hello and the usual greetings. I notice that I am always uncomfortable in these situations and usually simply smile and find ways to end the conversation. I have always been “the silent type” and was never really good at meeting new people. I have defined myself as being the strong silent type and told myself it’s a “lifestyle choice”. That is a very nice way to hide from the fact that I am not good with people, because I never really worked on this point or developed the skills in order to be effective with people.

What happens then is that when I run into somebody I know the uncomfortable feeling I have is not knowing how to handle myself in this particular situation. I see other people being al relaxed and genuine when in the same situation, like it is natural and then I would judge myself for not being so natural and ask myself why I cannot do this. The answer is simple – I never taught myself how. I have the tools to do this and it is time to start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be uncomfortable when running into someone I know

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate the reason why I am uncomfortable and to simply accept it as a part of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being the silent type – not realizing that I did this, because I was not good/effective with people.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to work on becoming good/effective with people and push through to make it happen.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the uncomfortable feeling I have is because of thoughts and feelings and the belief that I have created that I am not good with people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I meet/greet people to allow thoughts and feelings to direct me and then want to end the conversation based on that instead of not allowing myself to be direct and to direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even before I go to the person to meet/greet them create anxiety within myself, because I am already thinking about how I am going to do this and remember that I am not good with people.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop the thoughts and feelings and not to participate in the moment with the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe and be here in the moment focusing on what I am doing right now when I meet people – within this I realize that doing this removes all that unnecessary bullcrap that complicate things from the equation and give me the opportunity to actually participate within what I am doing.

I commit myself to stop defining myself as being the silent type and not good with people – instead I push myself to practice and develop a natural expression in order to be effective with people.

I commit myself to stop participating in thoughts and feelings and beliefs when I meet/greet people that I define as being uncomfortable – Instead I breathe and be here in the moment focusing on what I am doing

I commit myself to stop wanting to end conversations based on how I feel at the moment – Instead I Direct myself and don’t allow feelings and thoughts to direct me

Day 97 - Taking things Personally

 

You know - when someone someone comments on something about yourself and then you take it personally, blaming that person for your reactions to the words.

And when someone snaps at you and you react and take it personally by becoming angry as if someone did  wrong by you.

It is a belief that its the other person that has done something to you by snapping at you and calling names where you take it personally. But that is not true...

If I react in anger when someone tells me i am an idiot then it is I who reacts. The other person does not have special powers that control what i feel. I created the angler all by myself that I feel within myself. Therefor i cannot blame the other person for what i have created, because if when i take something personally then I myself take it personally

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take things personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character of taking the words/expression of another personally, where I will literally take what another says or does, out of context of the moment here and interpret it according to myself as a personality, based on memories and experiences of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to when im in situations of conflict to believe that I am being attacked and thus take it personally and feel the need to defend myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the other person controls how I feel and that they are to blame for the reactions I feel within myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself myself to realize that i an the one who chose to take it personally and that i created the feelings and emotions and reactions and thus cannot blame the other person

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself myself to give the other person power over me and to make them as being authority when i react and take offence to what they say, not realizing that i created all of this

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be the directive principle in my life where i am not directed by others and where i stand strong in each moment here where i decide what moves within me

I commit myself to stop taking things personally

I commit myself to be the directive principle and stand as stability here in every moment

I commit myself to realize that I create the reaction and that choose to take things personally so I choose not to react

I commit myself to stop blaming the other person and believing he is attacking me and thus I need to defend myself, instead i simply don't throw the ball back and not participate in the game of anger and conflict and insults and gossip

I commit myself to stop giving my power away by giving in ad reacting and take things personally, instead i stop and realize that i am the one who creates how i feel and who i am in situations.

Day 90 - That's just not who I am. I'm born this way

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i was born this way and thus cannot change who i am

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i was always meant to be this way  - that i am a special person for being who i am

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i was born with no language or opinions or likes and dislikes - that I was taught how to think and who i am is a direct result from by parents/environment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that saying and believing that i am born the way i am i am using it as a way to  justify my actions and who i am so that i do not have to change who i am and what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when someone reveals to me something about myself that is clearly not cool to then say that its just the way i am so deal with it - not realizing that its me not wanting to change who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is special and unique and so I must uphold who I am not change a thing about myself - not realizing that I do this because I fear losing myself as being special

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that who i have the power to change who i am  - and that i have to change myself, because as I am now I am limited and acting in self interest only doing what I like and avoiding what i do not like and then in this i will never seek solutions to assist and support others and find way to end abuse in this world and it will stay the same

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i was lucky to be born into a family that could support me - and could have just as easily have been born into a poor family in poverty.

I commit myself to stop the believe that i was born the way i am and that i cannot change

I commit myself to stop the believe that it was fate for me to be who I am and that I am special

I commit myself to realize that who i am is a direct result from by parents/environment and that is proof by the cow girl who believed herself to be a cow, because she was raised by cows.

I commit myself to realize that me saying that i am born the way i am is me justifying who i am and using it as an excuse not to change

I commit myself to stop the belief of fearing that i will lose myself and to not allow this fear to stop me from changing who i am

I commit myself to realize that i could have just as easily have been born into a poor family in poverty and thus i am not special but rather lucky

I commit myself to realize that i have the power to change myself - and to use this power and change myself so that I stop living as self interest and start doing what is best for all so that i can find solutions to end abuse and suffering in this world

I commit myself to find ways to make sure that living is not luck or a lottery if who will be lucky enough to be born into a rich family or unlucky to be born into poverty, but to rather have a world where you can be sure that there will be enough to live for the rest of my life - no mater where i am born