Day 107 - Why am I doing what I'm Doing?

Today I am looking at Why am doing what I do - specifically related to writing, music and farm.
The first thing that came up was another question - for who am i doing this? For who do i write music and these blogs? And the answer - for others.
I am wring to assist people who face similar problems as to give them clarity. I write music for  the same reason and so that others can hear and see a point they didn't knew existed or how. I Also with farm activities like planting trees - I'm planting and watering the tree so that it can grow. I'm cutting the grass so that the horses can eat and have nice soft beds to sleep. Lots of examples, but did not see any problem with this  until now.
And for a while it was foe for me to live like this, unfortunately i missed a crucial point within all I do - ME.
I'm still living my life ignoring myself and placing others as more important than me. so much so that I completely disregard myself when doing something like writing. This is My journey to life - yes my writings may assist some as that is in part why i post it online. But I should write for myself - otherwise if i write for others this becomes very difficult
When planting a tree who am i within it? I enjoy farm activities like working with fruit trees, but because i do not consider myself, meaning I am not aware of myself when planting trees then Its like work-  I miss out.
Same with music - it has become difficult to get a song out - because I ''forgot'' about myself. I worry about what others will think about the song and how they will judge the song. What happens then is that making music becomes a chore and my effectiveness is reduced. I should be writing musing for myself - then its fun and allot easier.
yesterday i wrote a bit on anger - constantly dedicating yourself for others only can become frustrating and is also very limited depending how effective you are. What mean by that is If i do not work for myself and do things for myself as well as others then I will be limited to who i am now. Also i will miss out of life. 
Stay tuned for the next episode featuring exclusively - all about self consideration and stopping limitation - right here tomorrow. Thanks for reading 

Day 90 - That's just not who I am. I'm born this way

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i was born this way and thus cannot change who i am

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i was always meant to be this way  - that i am a special person for being who i am

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i was born with no language or opinions or likes and dislikes - that I was taught how to think and who i am is a direct result from by parents/environment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that saying and believing that i am born the way i am i am using it as a way to  justify my actions and who i am so that i do not have to change who i am and what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when someone reveals to me something about myself that is clearly not cool to then say that its just the way i am so deal with it - not realizing that its me not wanting to change who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is special and unique and so I must uphold who I am not change a thing about myself - not realizing that I do this because I fear losing myself as being special

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that who i have the power to change who i am  - and that i have to change myself, because as I am now I am limited and acting in self interest only doing what I like and avoiding what i do not like and then in this i will never seek solutions to assist and support others and find way to end abuse in this world and it will stay the same

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i was lucky to be born into a family that could support me - and could have just as easily have been born into a poor family in poverty.

I commit myself to stop the believe that i was born the way i am and that i cannot change

I commit myself to stop the believe that it was fate for me to be who I am and that I am special

I commit myself to realize that who i am is a direct result from by parents/environment and that is proof by the cow girl who believed herself to be a cow, because she was raised by cows.

I commit myself to realize that me saying that i am born the way i am is me justifying who i am and using it as an excuse not to change

I commit myself to stop the belief of fearing that i will lose myself and to not allow this fear to stop me from changing who i am

I commit myself to realize that i could have just as easily have been born into a poor family in poverty and thus i am not special but rather lucky

I commit myself to realize that i have the power to change myself - and to use this power and change myself so that I stop living as self interest and start doing what is best for all so that i can find solutions to end abuse and suffering in this world

I commit myself to find ways to make sure that living is not luck or a lottery if who will be lucky enough to be born into a rich family or unlucky to be born into poverty, but to rather have a world where you can be sure that there will be enough to live for the rest of my life - no mater where i am born