Dealing With Graves Disease

 

Today I am looking at how Graves disease have affected me thus far and reactions I have experienced. I’m looking at a before and after in terms of how I was before compared to now.

Physically there has been a big change. I lost most of my physical strength and became physically weaker. This brought up many points in relation to the idea and belief of strength and weakness – read here on support for that:

What is Strength Really?

Before my thyroid went into hyper drive I was working daily with the physical doing various tasks and managing the farm. Now I am unable to do so which made me feel useless and unhelpful. I felt useless, because I was physically unable to so. For support on uselessness have read over here:

Uselessness

I went from being very busy to not busy and judged myself, because I was unable to do all the things I used to do and had to depend on others to assist and support me. This brought some reactions within me and being very stubborn to ask for help when I needed it. For support on this read over here:

Ask and you shall receive - Or Be silent and suffer

Within my physical activities around the farm I felt useful. I valued it and saw the wroth it in. With getting graves disease and unable to participate with the physical activities that value and worth went away within me. What I did not realize at the time was that I linked value and worth as a point outside myself - as something I do instead of who I am. I missing self-worth and self-value. Here is support on self worth and self value:

Self-Value and Self-Worth and Repetitive Failure

Self Worth and Self Development

 

I experienced myself as being stuck since I got diagnosed With me unable to do the things I used to and having to learn to do new things. It felt as if I was not good enough and lacked the power move through this disease. I allowed myself to fall on this point and essentially gave up on myself which resulted in me not moving effectively. Here follows support if you are dealing with the same thing:

Being stuck

It is interesting to see how many points a disease can bring up and tell you about yourself and who you are. This is still a on going process and more points reveal themselves and open up.

Self-Value and Self-Worth and Repetitive Failure

Writing about value and self-worth

When I judge myself as ‘not good enough’ or ‘not worthy’: I have no value for myself. Within this starting point, everything I do will be doomed to fail, because I see myself as not good enough and thus I have set myself up to fail even before I started. I create my own failure.

If who I am has no value or self-worth as judged by myself - then giving up is an easy thing. It is easier to give up on yourself and a particular task than it is to actually do it and push through by giving it your all. The question is what is “your all”? When “your all” is self-value and self-worth then self-judgments of unworthiness would not exist within you.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unworthy and not good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep reminding myself through backchat and thoughts that I am not good enough – trapping myself in an endless cycle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and judge myself as having no value and everything I do has no value and worth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this judgement create events and situations where I fail and am not good enough to prove to myself that I am not not good enough and will always fail

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I keep on judging myself as unworthy and not good enough - I will always give up on myself and everything I do will represent how I see myself as having no worth/value.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that self-judgments of unworthiness and a failure I create failure within everything I do even before I have started.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I created the idea that I have no value or self-worth and that it is a belief and not real, because I do have the ability to change it and will only be/remain real in my Mind if/as I do not assist and support myself to in fact change. Meaning, it is real and it isn’t real – it is real, in the sense that I am continuing to in my Mind accept/allow it to be real and it isn’t real, in the sense that I have the ability / ‘power’ to change it/transform it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of this belief and idea that is not real so that I can free myself from it and stop limiting myself and my potential and start moving myself by doing and pushing through within all I do

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that If I have self-worth and self-value then unworthiness and not being good enough will not exist within me.

I commit myself to stop judging myself as not good enough and not having any self-worth/value. I realize these are beliefs and ideas I have created within myself and that it is not real

I commit myself to stop the thoughts and backchat of ‘’I am not good enough”,” I have no value”,” I am “unworthy” and stop limiting myself.

I commit myself to stop trapping myself in an endless cycle of failure by stopping the belief and idea that I am a failure, instead I push through within all I do the best of my ability and if I do fail I learn from it and move on

I commit myself to realize the self-worth and self-value I have by seeing how far I have come and everything I have faced thus far and pushed through. To realize the stability and trust I have created within this all and by judging myself as not worthy or good enough is me dishonoring myself and all I done thus far.

I commit myself to let go of this self-judgment and move on and not allow this to limit my life and instead give my all within what I do.