Day 238: Self Discipline - Where did it go?

 

A very important part of this process is Self-discipline – Without it self-change is nearly impossible. Without self-discipline you will always give into any resistance you feel and thus you never actually change.

It’s a hard thing to change yourself. With every change there will be resistance. With every task that you do not “feel like” doing there will be resistance. This is why self-discipline is necessary, because whenever there is something you should be doing, but do not feel like doing, without some level of discipline you will always give into the resistance. There will always be the one thought that will justify your choice not to do the task.

Unfortunately that is how this works. I can take myself as an example here. When I first started working with my hands around the farm I had big resistance towards it. Eventually I realized the importance of why this particular tasks needs to be done and so I did it regardless of how I felt about it. So what I basically did was pushed through resistance I felt and simply did the task. I did the task with the understanding that it needed to be done. Through the years of working with my hands I developed self-discipline and found it supported me in that regard.

Now it’s been a long time since my primary focus was working with my hands. Since my thyroid went haywire I was unable to do anything physical so I had to refocus my attention and time towards other things and this made me realize something new about self-discipline.

Once you have Self-discipline it is something you have to apply consistently in your daily life. It does not magically take away the resistance when you do something you do not like doing. The resistance still comes up, but then applying discipline you push through it and do the task no matter how you feel about it or what thoughts seems valid enough to keep you from doing it. When you decide to allow that one thought that will keep you from doing the tasks at hand (or in other words give into the resistance) then you don’t have that discipline anymore.

As you work through resistance you start to see just how far you will go to give into the resistance. All kinds of thoughts comes up: ‘’I’ll do it later” ,“ I had a long day”,” I’m tired”, “ I need a break and time for myself”, “ I do not have time for this” etc. That last one is a big one, because 99% of the time you do actually have time for it, but would rather use the time do something you like.

I used allot of excuses before not to do something. And today I had a look at the point of blogging, really went deep to try and find an actual valid answer to why I am not blogging more regularly? Sure, there were reasons, but none of which could truly justify it. There comes a time in life where all that’s left to do is to say: “Screw IT! I’m doing this!! Right now!!!” and then do the thing until it’s done. And my time is right now. I know I have been absent in the “bloggersphere”, that changes now.

IF there are others who are facing the same issue – where you have a big resistance towards something you should be doing – look at the reasons and thoughts. Really look deep and see for yourself that none are valid and that there is actually time. It’s time to simply say: Till here no further, Screw the resistance. I’m doing this. Right now.

Day 60 - How to work through Missing someone (pt1)

So missing someone

(Read the whole blog otherwise you'll from another idea and belief since you don't have all the context)

In our lives we come into contact with many beings and we form certain connections and come to like them. We like them based on, for example how they make us feel and what they do for us. We become used to their presence, how we experience ourselves in their presence and like being around them. So when they leave you it feels as if there is something missing in you/your life - a empty space that they used to fill.

We all have lived our lives thinking that it is the other person like a friend or family member or partner that makes us feel the way we do about them and that they are the only ones who can fill the emptiness within ourselves when we miss them. Or when someone close to you dies it feels like something dies within you and leaves a empty space that cannot be filled - because they wont come back

The question is this: Does the person really make you feel good?  Is the other person responsible for how they make you feel? Or is it you who create the feeling within you? It is you.

I create what i am feeling and what is happening within me. And  I am also responsible for the feeling of emptiness when I miss someone. So you can see that Missing someone has nothing to do with the other person, its all you. It is based on a perception and belief that you cannot give yourself what the other person seemingly gives you when they are with you - so when they leave you you feel an empty space within yourself, because you believe they fill the gap when it is actually only you who created it. What we haven’t realized in relationships is that we tend to place parts of ourselves in others, expecting others to fulfill parts within ourselves we haven’t accepted/lives as ourselves, and so we separate ourselves into others, instead of standing whole/complete/equal and one with ourselves. And thus why, when others leave – the ‘missing’ experience is actually show us that we’re ‘missing ourselves’; that we should investigate what it is that others fulfill inside ourselves and so gift it to ourselves, live it ourselves, accept it as ourselves.

So to put it simply: You create the experience within yourself when you are with someone. You create the experience within you when you miss that someone. You create the emptiness. YOU miss the experience you created. Starting to see something here? How can you miss an experience that you create daily when with the other person when the experience has nothing to do with the other person? ‘Nothing to do with other person’, meaning: the other person is simply standing as a mirror of ourselves within ourselves. When we have a part within ourselves, such as ‘comfortability’ that we haven’t accepted as ourselves, and we form a relationship with another person that is comfortable with themselves and you become attracted to that, and only in relationship with the person you are comfortable with you. But when/as the relationship ‘break up’ the compatibility also disappear, cause you connected the compatibility to only exist in relationship with the being within your Mind and haven’t accepted it as you. So, when/as one live that self-comfortably in equality and oneness it is self and not a part of self that can disappear/leave/cease to exist as it’s a living expression of self. Its all You - it doesn't die with the person and it doesn't go away with the other person. And so, relationships have become connections where we ‘fulfill each other’, and then ‘break down’ when the connection sever as the parts of ourselves that the other fulfilled is no more ‘there’ and we’re left ‘empty / unfulfilled’ and then we go and search/seek again for another to fulfill us. But, imagine the potential in relationships when two partners are whole/fulfilled within themselves in standing within who they are; then a relationship becomes a platform where they can grow/expand/develop more – instead of what it’s become now: trying to fulfill each other, which in this limit the relationship to only try and please each other, instead of focusing on developing/expanding/living/learning from each other in equality and oneness.

Don't misunderstand me here - I am not saying that you should not miss somebody. I'm still getting there...

So it is important to see that you are the creator of the experiences within YOU, the experience you have in relationships, the missing, the emptiness, the fulfillment, the unfulfilled. Another persons expression can have a major impact in your life - they are reveling an aspect of yourself that you have not realized or accepted as yourself yet or gave it yourself yet. So when they leave you miss that - instead of giving it to yourself. Thus, utilize relationships with others practically – see what you can learn about YOU with them, within yourself and so expand/grow/develop who you are within yourself.

In the End missing someone is Missing yourself - and when that aspect of yourself leaves you miss it - you miss the expression of that being and that is ok. Then it becomes real equal and one: You realize that the other person showed you something about yourself that you have not realized and then you give it to yourself. Both are in the picture. And so commit yourself to stop the missing/emptiness/unfulfillment, and gift you to yourself in your process of making you whole/complete/equal and one.