Day 311 - A Magical Force will save us all!!!

Will we one day be saved by a superior being? Is there something out there we can blame for our mistakes and never take self-responsibility for our own actions?

Day 276: To Give up OR Give up on Giving up?

 

 

For the past few months my thyroid has been functioning normal. The cool thing is that it was functioning normal without me being on medication, so it was actually back to normal. It was a relief to me, because I could finally put it behind me. My Doctor did say it is something that I will have to monitor for the rest of my life – and when he said that, I create a slight undertone of worry within myself.

Now the whole process of my thyroid malfunctioning was not a very pleasant experience and it’s something I would not want to go through again, so knowing it could malfunction again I created That fear and worry in the back of my mind.

So about 2 or 3 months ago I started experiencing familiar experiences – like increased tiredness no matter how much sleep I get and general exhaustion even though I have no reason to feel this. My throat also became a bit sore, and all of this is basically the same symptoms I experienced last time. Basically it all pointed to my thyroid starting to malfunction again. The blood tests did show the levels were not correct and my thyroid was going hyper again.

This brought with it a bit of me feeling sorry for myself. I knew what to expect - the progression of symptoms – and really did not want this. There was a moment of self-pity as I looked at the road ahead of me and thought to myself it would be easier to simply give in to all these emotions coming up.

I looked at the process walked thus far and all the points I faced and saw that yes , it’s going to be crappy and yes, it’s not something I prefer doing, but that is not going to stop me from walking this point again. I did it before and thus proven to myself that I am able to walk this point. Within that I trusted I am able to do this. So I know that my thyroid might go hyper again – but it’s not something to be feared or be worried about.

When we are faced with difficulties in life there is not much we can do about the physical reality of the events, but we do have a choice how we will react to it. We can choose to feel sorry for ourselves and be overwhelmed and believe that we lack the strength to make it through and simply give up – or we can stop those thoughts and emotions and feelings that make us want to give up and then push through and face the point head on. It’s your life.

Day 71 - ''I'll do anything to fit in'' Character

 

This is related to when i was in school. Where i would change my behavior just so that i can fit in with other people so that they can accept me. So i would compromise myself and who i am so that i can keep my friends and then i change who i am and believe this character is real.

Peer pressure. You can look back in your life and realize that everybody does the same thing - they change themselves to fit in. I was a deferent person depending on who i am with. I would be the 'goody two shoes' character when im around my parents, teachers, friends parents and then a deferent person when im around my friends and then a deferent person when im arou nd a beautiful girl i like.

In this as i look back i ask myself who was I? Who was the real me? When i look at how i was when i was alone with myself i was again another person/character. When i was alone with myself there was no need to change. That was the person who i really was. But i alone knew that and how i presented myself to others was fake and not real. Simply characters so suit my life and the particular situation I was in.

Now i have to ask myself who was I friends with? The person i was friends with was also another character and not a real person. It was somebody like me who chose to be a particular character depending on who they were with. And everybody is like that, a bunch on characters.

Nobody was real - nobody revealed who the really are just like I hid myself from others. And i did this out of fear. We do this out of fear. The fear of not being accepted by others - the fear others not liking who you really are, The fear of others judging who you are.

I find it interesting that I never saw myself as being fake/nor real. I thought i was real. Everybody think they are real. We all believe that this person and character is who we are. But if i was real then who i was would never change. I would not create different characters around different situations, I would be consistent in who I am and what I do no matter the situation or who i am with.

And so I chose and created my characters and became friends with characters that i liked, in this lived a lie - it wasn't real. Who is the real me. Who are you?

This is why I am busy with getting rid of all the characters i have created, because i realize now that it was all a act. I need to become real - find the real person. We all need to become real. To Keep it real 

 

More on dropping the act an becoming real tomorrow. While you anxiously wait for part two go here and vote for a real world at www.equalmoney.org

And then also if you want to become real and stop acting start by going here: www.desteni.org