Day 277: What does it mean to be "Here" in the moment?

 

You have probably heard this a few times in life “Live in the moment”. What does it mean to live in the moment? What does it mean to be here in the moment? And more importantly why is it so hard to actually be here in the moment?

The next time you are doing something like cleaning your house or some gardening pay attention to where you thoughts go. I was walking through the orchard one morning assessing the damage from a recent hail storm which unfortunately destroyed most of the figs. Anyway, as I was looking at the trees and trying to fix some of the damage and salvage what I could, I was constantly thinking. Thoughts like thinking about what I’m going to do next and what I’m going to make myself for lunch and other plans of the week etc.

So while I was busy picking damage fruit and trimming broken branches I was thinking about other things. I was not actually here in the moment, but in the future looking at plans and things I am going to do next – instead of being here and focusing on what I’m currently doing.

So being here in the moment means actually being here in the moment. It’s Not thinking about the future and constantly being in your head. While I was thinking about these things while walking in the orchard my awareness was diminished. When I realized what was doing and stopped the thoughts to simply be here in the moment I could hear the birds that I did not notice before.

Not being fully here in the moment we tend to miss things – it is in these moments that we tend to misplace keys, or forget about turning the oven off or any other event of forgetfulness. Simply because when you were putting down the keys you were in your head and not actually aware of your environment.

So bring yourself back to earth and be Here

Day 184 - Frustration with Making music.

 

It is not easy making a song. There are lots of challenges involved. From writing the music to writing the lyrics and placing them all together in one flowing song. Then comes recording the song which brings new challenges. Those who do record their own music know what I am talking about. Sometimes it works out great and is an easy process, but mostly it is difficult to get it “right” and so it gets frustrating.

When I write a song I use my guitar or piano and it sounds cool, but with the recording process it does not always come out the way I want it to. I am now working on a song that sounds great when I play it on guitar and sing it, but recording it does not sound do great. Mostly due to the fact that I am out of practice with my voice and guitar which makes recording it a pain in the ass, because when recording guitar I have to play precisely on beat and recording a vocalist that is out of practice takes forever. And so it gets frustrating.

In my previous blog about me getting older I mentioned the need I had to rush things and this is one of the reason I wrote that blog. In my rush I wanted to quickly record it and sing it and get it out, but in my rush my vocals are terrible and the guitar track is not so great. So now I have to redo it anyway whereas I could have prepared myself more to make sure I am able to effectively record the track. Unfortunately I do not have talent for singing and practicing vocals takes a long time to master it so I will have to make another plan there.

To me it is frustrating that a song sounds great and then turns out not so great when recording it, but I have faced challenges like this one before and with time and dedication I made it work. It took as long as it took and rushing will only make things worse. Only after I tested all points with a song will I drop it and write a another one which does happen occasionally. Update to follow soon

Day 155 - Future Projection

 

Winter is coming. The nights are getting colder and the early morning have a bite about them. Rain is getting less and trees are getting ready for their long sleep by shedding their leaves as the wind brush beside them.

On the farm winter means dry season and dry season means fire season. With the frost and cold that kills and the rain that deprives the grass - the fields get very dry, creating perfect fuel for fire. Each farm has the responsibility for making their own fire breaks - that is when you burn the grass along your borders to prevent a fire from jumping from one farm to another. Winter also means preparing fruit trees so that they are protected from the frost and cold. It’s time for winter preparations to begin.

When I was looking at this I went into anxiety and started to worry and the usual suspects made an appearance: Time - what if we do not make it in time and the farm burns down and the fruit trees dies. Rushing - We must hurry to make sure  we get it in time and now the one I am writing about: Future Projection.

What I did was go into my mind and thinking about winter and all the things we need to do, because we only have 1 month ‘till June and so went into anxiety. Yes, I even forgot for a moment there was a May still coming before we get to June. When I realized my error I was relieved.

What I should have done is look at things for what they are - meaning that instead of thinking about the future and worrying about it I instead simply look at what we need to do in order to be prepared for the winter and estimate how much time we need to be done and get to it. Firstly giving us enough time take out the possibility that we won’t have enough and thus there is no rush.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future and my mind so much so that I left out an entire month

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain here in the moment when looking at things that needs to be done in the future.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at things for what they really are here in the physical, but to look at things from the mind which is not real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety when I looked at what we need to do to prepare for the winter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if we do not get all the preparations done in time the farm might be at a greater risk from fire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when the first cold nights came to go into a memory of ''time to get to fire breaks'' that had an energy attached to it of anxiety and when I accessed this memory I also accessed the anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remove this energetic attachment to the memory of anxiety so that it doesn't influence me anymore

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I give myself enough time do to things there will be no need  to rush and worry about time.

I commit myself to stop projecting myself into the future - instead I remain stable here in the moment when looking at things do to and prepare for in the future. Thus, utilizing future projection PRACTICALLY, through looking at what does need to be prepared for the coming winter, for example, assessing the time within that projection, as well as the responsibilities and then getting to it – no reactions required, only practical applications

I commit myself to look at things and situations for they really are and not influenced from my minds perspective

I commit myself to stop the automatic response of rushing when I see I have an important task ahead, instead I remain stable here and plan what needs to be done and then simply do it.

I commit myself to stop immediately looking at the worst case scenario - instead I realize that it’s from my worrying that I create the worst possible consequence.

I commit myself to stop the anxiety of worrying every time winter comes, instead I stop and breathe and realize that I have been through enough winters and know exactly what to do and how to do it and thus it’s pointless to worry about it and start trusting myself within this as I have proven this to myself over and over.

Day 150 - Listening to my body

 

Listening to my body was a new thing to me, when I was introduced to walking Process.

When I was younger, still in school and got sick - I usually did not let it affect me, especially on holidays. I was once diagnosed with bronchitis and a throat infection when I was on a holiday, but I did not let it slow me down - I still went swimming in the ocean that was ice cold and partying etc. Looking at it now it was probably  a very bad idea, as there are so many variables involved with regards to how quickly it could have actually gotten worse, so I was actually ‘lucky’ that it didn’t with tempting fate in such a way. I should have listened to my body which told me I am sick and need to take it easy.

Another experience I had when I did not listen to my body was on a very hot summer day in the field. We were busy burning branches and weeds in the field and started pretty early. We had a big pile to burn so what I did was taking a few branches at a time and placed them on the fire. I could feel myself getting really warm - the fire itself was very hot and the sun was hot. I would get very thirsty and ask someone to go fetch me some water every now and then - I did not want to leave the others helping, alone with the fire.

I started to get tired from the heat and dehydrated. What I should have done was get one of the guys to stay with the fire while I went back to the house for a break and water, but I was stubborn and did not listen to my body. Since I was the one directing things with the fire i did not want to leave it - even though the other guys there helping me was more than capable to attend the fire. I believed that if I leave the fire something might go wrong and the fire will burn down the fields. So, in my stubbornness – I created this ‘position’ for myself in relation to everyone else, and wanted to hold that position in my Mind. Not wanting to admit that the others would in fact be alright with the fire, because that would mean that it would challenge the idea/position of myself I held in my mind in relation to the responsibility. And so, I did not want to challenge my ‘idea’ of myself and so justified why ‘I had to stay’ and not listen to/tend to my body/myself.

As the day went by I was actually getting a bit dizzy and muscles aching and legs hurting and getting exhausted, but I did not listen to my body and did what I always did - continue what I am doing regardless of what I feel almost a ''mind over matter'' kind of thing. I would say this was one of the first times where I actually pushed myself to the limit - even though it was completely unnecessary for me to do so, since the other guys could have handle it easily. But I was the ''leader'' and believed that if I left it wouldn’t be a good example of being a leader so I believed that I should be strong and continue. So, this is another point that I will open up in my posts, the IDEA I created about ‘leadership’ and what that means and then what it actually in fact mean in considering self and one’s relationship to others. Because in my mind, ‘to lead’ meant to more consider/regard OTHERS more than myself/my relationship to them and so I actually sabotaged myself more than in fact ‘stand as an living example’.

Eventually we were done for day (after putting out the fire by carrying 20 liter watering cans up and down the river). I went to go sit down being satisfied with the day’s accomplishments. Now the body is a wonderful thing - it reveals consequences and not always immediately. In my case it started at night. I was still exhausted, but something was very different. It started with a little head ache, then a little nausea followed by dizziness. Soon after it escalated and I felt as if my head was going to explode - the pain got very bad and so did the nausea. I managed to walk to Sunette and others on the farm and we soon realized I had a bad case of HEATSROKE.

My head was exploding along with my stomach and I was throwing up and not having a very good time. The others helped me out as well as the physical body with the necessary medications/rehydration’s and eventually after a while I started to get better. There I learnt the importance of the physical / my body. That I really should consider my body in what I am doing, but unfortunately i did not fully grasp what that actually meant yet - only that I will never push my body like that. Since that day I could not handle very hot days as well as I did before.  

If I look at it now i completely disregarded my body and what it was telling me and instead I used the Mind to create the idea that all I have to do is believe I can make it and I will. I must just push and fight through what I am feeling and my body will be fine. Within this seeing the mind as superior over the body and the mind as MORE real. This is not so. The reality here was my body telling me to sloooooow doooooown and me believing the mind to be better than the body. And the consequence was a nice case of the heatstrokes.