Day 72 - ''I'll do anything to fit in'' Character Part 2

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create the ''ill do anything to fit in ''character and to believe that this character is real and part of who i am

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create this character and u  se it to change who i am so that i can fit in with my friends and be in a position where i belong.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use this character so that others can accept me - not realizing that me wanting others to accept me is me not accepting myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be a different person around my friends and family depending on the situation so that i can fit in with those people to avoid conflict and then not accepting me

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that i am compromising myself just so that i can fit in

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that as this character i am not real - it is a act. I am presenting myself as fake

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to ever saw and realize that who i am is fake - that it never occurred to me and that i saw what i was doing as normal and acceptable - not realizing that i was manipulating others to suit my needs

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that others also do the same - that those who i am friends with and like are characters and like me is not real and in this the friendship is not real. Its a bunch of characters liking other characters and that nobody is real

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself and who I am from others by creating this character out of fear not being accepted

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming real and dropping the act - because i fear others will not like me anymore nor will they accept me anymore

I commit myself to delete the ''I will do anything to fit in character

I commit myself to stop changing who i am in order to fit in and be accepted by others and thus compromising myself and to instead accept myself

I commit myself to stop being a different person around certain people and certain situations but to be consist in who i am and to keep deleting the characters until i become real

I commit myself to stop changing who i am so that others can like me and to avoid conflict  - realizing that it is fear and not real

I commit myself to realize that being a character i am fake and not real, and that others are also fake and not real - and to continue showing others this and to support myself and others in becoming real

I commit myself to stop hiding myself from others by creating characters but to instead realize that this is a fear of being judged and rejected - but it is actually me already judging myself and not accepting myself. If i accept myself then i would not need others to accept me so i drop this fear and commit myself in becoming real

vote for a real world at www.equalmoney.org

And then also if you want to become real and stop acting start by going here: www.desteni.org

Day 65 - Also Attracted to Broken Girls Part 2

 

Here follows the process of self change and taking self-responsibility for myself and my life regarding this blog :   I write here as the person/character i was when i was younger so i bring the past and the memories and experiences to here in the present moment and write it out

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the character of being attracted to broken girls and to live my life with this part of who i am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define those who are in pain as being  broken and lost and need saving

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to specifically seek out those who are in pain so that I can put myself in a position where I can save them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be their savior by helping them to get over the point that is controlling their life and wanting to fix them so that i can feel better about myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i can only live life if i feel good and that if i do not feel good and feel like shit all the time i wont be able to continue living

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the reason i helped others was because of fear - the fear that if I continue to feel like shit i wont be able to continue this life and so I have to help others in order to feel good to be alive

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ever realize that i created this character when my mother died and that i have based my life on that event

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in this savior character sacrifice my life and only focus on fixing them completely disregarding myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that what i am seeing within them is myself and that the only reason why i want to save them is so that they don't continue feel the pain I am feeling - and in that i am hiding myself and ignoring my own problems and not taking self responsibility by sorting myself out

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to assist and support myself - to never realize the possibility that i have the power to overcome this depression and to delete this character and become real - that i am the creator of my life and everything i experience and thus i have the power to get rid of the bullshit i created in my life

 

I commit myself to stop and delete the character of wanting to be with broken girls so that i can save them

I commit myself to stop and delete the savior character so that i can feel good about myself when helping others - because i see the selfishness of this - that i am not helping others for their sake, but that I an doing it to feel good which is a limitation and a condition: I will only help others if it makes me feel good - this is not not a selfless act - it is self interest

I commit myself to  realize that i am seeing myself in these girls and i am helping them because i want to help myself and so I commit myself to stop hiding myself and to look at the points in my life and to sort out my problems

I commit myself to stop and delete the depression that i created which is controlling my life, my actions, my words and thoughts .

I commit myself to become self directed by not allowing a feeling or my past to control my life - but to do something because it is what is best for not and not only myself

I commit myself to stop the fear of death

I commit myself to stop disregarding myself and hiding myself from myself - but to face my self

I commit myself to assist and support myself by becoming real - because only real people can make a real difference in this world