Day 140 - Pain and Discomfort Letting you Down?

 

I have had stomach problems for a long time now, went to the doctor a month ago and said i might have an infection. After the medication it showed i did not have an infection and the next step is to stick a camera up there to see what is happening. Im really not looking forward to this.

The last six month with my stomach problems has gotten to me - meaning i am allowing myself to become more sad, irritated and angry. This problem I have is not going away. The backchat about it is accumulating and im not stopping it and breathing which is why im getting sad, irritated and angry.

Now i will write it out of me so that I can stop this from happening, stop being overwhelmed by my condition whatever it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, because of the pain and discomfort i feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated, because of how i feel physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad and depressed, because my stomach problems are not going away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become affected and directed by how I feel physically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my anger to lash out and take it out on other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my anger to have backchat about things and think about situations where i am angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become less effective, because i allowed the pain and discomfort to influence who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push through the feeling of wanting to give up and give into the discomfort and pain - instead of pushing through.

I commit myself to stop being angry, because of the discomfort i feel - and to instead breath and stop the anger

I commit myself to stop being irritated, because of the discomfort I feel - and to instead breath and stop the irritated

I commit myself to stop being sad, because of the discomfort I feel - and to instead breath and stop the sadness

I commit myself to stop being directed by how i feel physically in terms of being emotionally directed - and to instead not be directed by how i feel.

I commit myself to stop the the backchat and not to continue and keep on fueling it.

I commit myself to stay consistent

I commit myself to stop lashing out and taking my anger out on people, instead I stop the anger and backchat and make sure that when I speak to people i am clear within myself

Day 120 - Loosing Focus

 

I am now on day 4 gluten free and have noticed another point. I have been loosing focus. Today I misplaced my cell-phone twice, i am forgetting things, missing things and have become less aware of my environment. Also broke a coffee cup.

Yes we all misplace things and drop things and forget things, but for me this is happening more than should. The past few days my stomach has become worse along with my back so I’ve been in a bit of pain and really tired of having this, I am sick and tired of having to go to the toilet at least 4 times a day. This is why im loosing focus, because I am distracting myself with my problems and fear that I will have to live like this for the rest of my life and i REALLY do not want that. My back problem is hindering my effectiveness, because I cant help out around the farm as much as I would like to.

My back problem is for another day another blog - for now i am writing  about loosing focus so that I can, in spite of my utter discomfort - not allow it to effect who i am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose focus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget things allot more than usual

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misplace objects by not being aware of myself when I put something down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be less aware of my environment and I miss things where I usually do not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my discomfort believe that going gluten free is pointless since there is no change

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that there wont always be a change immediately and that it will take time

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be patient and always want to rush things and want things to go fast when in reality they do not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to to distract myself from what I do with the pain and discomfort I feel and to become less effective because of it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe through the discomfort and bring myself here so that i can be effective.

(Please note - if you are in consistent pain and discomfort that affects or impairs you go see a doctor)

I commit myself to focus on what is important and to make sure that I do not loose focus

I commit myself to when I do loose focus and start forgetting things/misplacing things to breathe and slow myself down

I commit myself to let go of my impatience and frustrations when I see no change with my stomach - instead I am patent/patience.

I commit myself to be aware of myself when drinking something so that I do not haste and allow the water to go down the wrong hole where I will cough my lungs out (might seem a bit random,but this just happened so i placed it in here)

I commit myself to not be affected and become less effective when faced with discomfort

I commit myself to be aware of myself and my environment and not to be lost in thought and feelings and emotions where i will miss the world around me and important things might slip through and lead to unwanted consequences

I commit myself to realize that this will take time - and keep the 1 week  gluten free commitment.